Help me decide what type of wedding

[Loh89]

DP and I have been engaged since 2019 , had a big wedding planned in 2020 cancelled due to Covid , then the venue had money issues and went downhill so we cancelled all together.

Since then we have have had 2 DS (one 5 and one 6 months ) , relocated and I have had a couple of surgeries. So it's been busy and put on the back burner but now I really want to get married, completely gone of the idea of the big wedding we were having .

My 2 options are just us and the kids , or a small wedding with 20/30 people . I want the small wedding as I would like my Mum etc there. However my family dynamics are awful both sets of parents divorced. My DBs don't speak to DF really, can't stand his wife. My Mum hates my Dad. So I feel like a small wedding would just be awful with them all , but im really upset at the thought of no family being there. Part of the reason we planned a big wedding was to avoid everyone having to speak . I've thought of going abroad but brings the same issues and is a lot to ask people.

I'm just wondering what other people would do in my situation? And if anyone has any recommendations of any small wedding venues I'd really appreciate it . I still want a special day , in a special location with the dress etc whatever happens .

Could you invite just your mum and brothers, and not your dad and his new partner, or would that cause other issues?

He's been with his wife about 15 years now , and I am very close to him (for example we go on holiday twice a year together) so I think this would cause more upset. I have thought of saying to him I'm doing this if you don't want to come you don't have to .

If you’re close, talk to your dad. Tell him you’d like a small wedding, with about 20 guests inclusinf him and your mum and brothers. But the idea of putting everyone in a room for a celebration seems like a dreadful plan given the bad feeling between everyone and you don’t want the whole day overshadowed by the threat of arguments and bad feeling.

See what your dad suggests. Maybe he will bow out gracefully.

Trying to please everyone and also ensuring a lovely, peaceful day sounds like a massive ball ache to be honest.

I'd just take the money you have saved (or not all of it, whatever you like), get the legal bit done alone and splash out on a fucking amazing holiday for you both and the kids. Or several.

I think, at this stage, the most important thing is to get yourselves married, not to provide a big party for difficult relatives.
As a pp has suggested, go for the minimalist option and a lovely family holiday. You can always have a big party for your 1st, 5th or even 10th anniversary, if you feel like it.

Could you get married with just your kids and then host a meal for your mum and brothers and then another meal for your dad and his family. Could do lunch and tea in the same day?

Why does everyone but you hate your dad @Loh89 ?

You will never please everyone at a wedding.

With our guest we worked out how many people could come, then put who was most important to us to be there then add from there.

If people aren't able to be grown ups and put differences aside for a day to celebrate you and husband, they aren't worth the invite.

Congratulations and enjoy 😊

What does your fiancé want to do? It's his wedding too!

The circumstances are tricky if you get on with both your parents and would like them both there but they don't get on with each other. I like the idea of talking to your dad and seeing what he suggests, but he might have always imagined walking you down the aisle and would be upset not to have that opportunity.

Could your DPs be civil to each other if you don't invite your brothers? Would your dad be prepared to come without his wife?

Do what my friend did. Her wedding guests were friends only. No family.

I think have a small wedding with your DC, go on a fabulous holiday. On your return you take out your mum etc and another day take out dad and wife.