Question for those with older children/teens

[jhmlwos]

Hey

have been thinking about this a lot recently and going through some processing of my own difficulties.

looking back to my own childhood, and my relationship with my mum.

i had, a probably average 80s childhood. Smacked but loved. However, I don’t remember ever, ever sharing a bed with my mum or dad. It did not happen.

my own children, who I never thought I would have, will not leave my bed. Have been trying very hard this summer to encourage 7 year old to have a sleepover with a friend in our home. It just upsets her. The younger ones are more keen, but still head to me later.

anyway, my question, for those who had children who co slept late I suppose? Did it impact them later? Are you close?

I think of my relationship with mum now and she’s so distant. I wonder if the same will happen to me or if this early closeness has benefits that may appear later.

I don’t think it makes any difference. I never co slept with my parents and I’m super super close to my mum. I guess it’s the way you parent and even matching personality’s. I’m close with both my kids, one is 17 and the other almost 13. Oldest used to sneak into our bed until he was 3, youngest the same and then she switched it up and would sneak in to my nans bed 😂

I am very close with my late cosleeper. She is my child and that relationship is paramount, but she is also a friend. I do think that giving her the parenting she needed as a young child was critical to giving her confidence as an older teen and for cementing our relationship now.

i don’t think every child needs the same thing. Some children are ready for more space earlier. It’s all about accepting what each individual child needs.

I never co-slept with my parents and nor did my dc co-sleep with us.

I was close to my Mum and my (now adult) dc are close to me.

I think it's a strange hypotheses to suggest a child will be distant from their parent if they usually slept in their own bed

I co slept with DD until she was about 7 - not really out of choice though. She was petrified of the dark and being left alone at night in general. I was a single mum, plus she’s my only child so to be honest I probably babied her and allowed it to go on for far too long! It was a big relief when I was finally able to coax her into sleeping in her own room. Now she’s 21 and hates even having to share a hotel room with me, never mind a bed! 🤣

We’re very close and enjoy spending quality time together but I don’t think that’s a result of co sleeping.

Yes I don’t think I worded this well.

I suppose I feel my children are so loved, so safe and close at this age, something I never felt. So I wondered if those who had that as a child had a better relationship in the future. My parents were not abusive perse, I just never felt loved I suppose.

I could not have co-slept with DD (besides illness or the odd night away). Even now she is the wriggliest person I have ever encountered in the night and she always has been. You end up with legs across your face, her horizontally across the bed etc etc. Absolutely no way!

Anyway, we are super super close.

Same here.

Feeling loved by your parents comes from so, so many different things, not co sleeping.

Co-sleeping has nothing to do with it imo. Most people love and are close to their children whether they co-sleep or not.

My dd co-slept on and off until she was 10/11? Well 7 and then still the odd night when she was older. I can’t remember exactly when it stopped. And I used to have to sit in her room etc.

Shes 13 now and puts herself to bed and would not even contemplate sharing a bed with me!