Buying first property… and people’s reactions

[alittlenervous]

I may be overthinking this.

I’ve put in an offer on a property in the mid to high six-figure range. It’s nothing extravagant, but where I live prices are extremely high and this is at the very top of what I can afford and I will be paying the mortgage back for the rest of my life! I do love it though.

I have a secure job and have stretched my mortgage capacity to make it happen. I’ve also built up savings and received generous family support, for which I’m hugely grateful.
I’m nervous that friends might directly ask how I’ve afforded it, what my mortgage is, or even react coolly. The thought makes me feel quite uneasy.

Could anyone suggest polite stock replies or ways to handle those conversations? I’m very appreciative of the help I’ve had (someone close made some good financial decisions), but I also feel guilty and almost like I’m hiding my good fortune.

Just don’t tell anyone what it cost?

@bestbefore fair but you can look it up online and I feel like they will ask

I also had help as a ftm, if it came up, I was honest that I had help, and would always say how grateful I was. I didn’t want to hide it, it felt dishonest.

I’ve since sold that place but now live in an expensive house (in an expensive part of the UK). This is solely by virtue of my partner. I also don’t hide that. I’ve had workmen ask me a number of times if it’s my house, which I always find bemusing.

Why not just tell the truth?

Honestly, it’s none of their business.

I’m guessing it’s a £750k-ish property in London and you’ve borrowed £400k-ish on a 35-40 year mortgage.

I don’t think that’s too unusual, and neither will most people in the area.

Congratulations in your new house.

I’m intending to tell the truth but don’t want to break it down into figures I guess

Everyone can look it up, we always said we had help but I don't know anyone who didn't. It's not hard for someone to figure it out.

Why is it anyone else’s business?
I’d just say “I’m sorry I’m not prepared to discuss my personal business”

i could never imagine grilling a friend about their house and how they afforded it, its not appropriate however you look at it! Plus it would be embarrassing for them as well as you surely!

@alittlenervous I’ve never had anyone ask me to break it down to figures! I wouldn’t expect anyone to do that and if they do maybe just say it’s boring financial stuff and change the subject.

I think I've only ever discussed interest rates, how long i've fixed & maybe how much one has stretched eg one friend borrowed 5.5x, we did 4, one friend had a mortgage until retirement etc rather than actual amounts.

You could tell them you rent it from family. People don’t need to know the truth about everything. Most of them won’t be around in 10 years time anyway

To me that's akin to someone asking my salary, so I wouldn't go into it at all. I would just be vague about it.

I feel if you say you had help or whatever, it's the sort of thing that some friends would bring up snidely in the future.

I think a lot of young ppl will have help with deposits these days.

It’s incredibly rude to ask someone how they afforded their house. I would laugh and point that out to them in a tinkly sort of way.

We have this sort of house (in the £800k range, average house prices around here probably more like £300-400k). We have ‘the big house’ amongst all our friends. It’s our first house and we bought late 30s/early 40s. We have ordinary seeming jobs to most people. Dh works in a trade, I’m in education. What people don’t know is that we run a very successful business that’s very profitable and have a fairly high household income. I did have a bit of inheritance, but we also saved a deposit of close to £200k.

No one has ever asked me how we could afford our house. I do get people coming down the drive and getting out the cars and looking a bit shocked. Or comments about what an amazing house it is. I’ve had people ask if we rent or when our parents will be back if they are trying to sell solar panels or something. My Dh had a whole 20 minute conversation with a couple walking past on the footpath who thought he was the gardener 😂 (he was weeding a bed) who wanted to know all about the new owners. Dh told them how lot they were. 🤣

It’s really bloody rude to ask if they’re friends or family though. It’s like saying, how come you’re still in that council flat?! No one should make assumptions about someone’s personal financial matters. They certainly shouldn’t ask about them. That said, I’d be happy to tell people because I worked bloody hard for my house. 10 years ago, we lived in a damp old cottage where the wind literally blew through the house because of the windows and we could barely keep it warm enough when dd was born. I’m proud that we have a lovely home. You should be too.

Who on earth would be rude enough to ask how you afford your home?!

People may speculate that you have had financial help - don’t be ashamed, lots of people do. But you aren’t under any moral or social obligation to tell anyone more detail than you are comfortable with.

If people have the nerve to ask then make a wide-eyed expression and say, “gosh that’s a very direct question! Wow. Well I don’t think you need to know all the ins and outs of my income and personal finance, how about we just change the subject?” Laugh and then change the subject.

Laugh and say, 'I never discuss finances,' then change the subject entirely,

It's bloody rude to ask someone about money.

On the rare occasion I've had this, I've just gone for exaggeration. "Oh tell me about it, my mortgage runs until I'm at least 147 years old." "Oh I just borrowed a trillion pounds from the bank, standard stuff." Then change the subject. Seems to work!

I understand OP. Although my situation is even a bit worse as I didn’t earn it (inheritance) but I own an expensive property and while it’s easy to avoid as a topic most of the time if I ever have anyone round it obviously then makes people want to ask.

My main answers are - ‘let’s not talk about money’, ‘you don’t want to know’ and ‘daylight robbery that’s what’.

You don’t have to tell people. It’s your business.

I've never been asked how I afforded any house I've bought

Ppl might have a nose on Rightmove to see what I paid if they're interested - meh

I have had a zillion conversations about interest rates though

Tell them you had to sell a kidney.