Should i contact my cousins, and aunt whom i've never met?

[ByRealDuck]

I'm a 34yo fella and I didn't have what you might describe as a normal upbringing or a normal family.

My mum basically told me real dad to bugger off when I was conceived and i grew up with her, my step dad and my wonderful grandparents.

When i was a teen i got InTouch with my real real dad.. i found him by phoning my real grandmother and she got in contact with him for me.. It turns out they are estranged and not speaking.. I met him and his family, my half sister and half brother.. things were nice but i felt a bit intrusive to him and his little family unit.. so i kind of let things fizzle out..

Fast forward 20 years.. I find out my grandmother has died a few years ago and in the funeral notice it did not mention him or his kids.. just his sister and her kids.. i guess they're still not talking.

I typed my cousins names into fb and I have found one certain.. she looks like a nice woman around my age furthermore.. she lives VERY close to me... i presume my aunt and my other cousins do as well..

I wondering if i should contact her.. just to meet them and see some photos of my real grandmother.

I'm thinking there's a possibility they might not be too pleased.. Why did i contact them now after grandmother has passed away? what do i want? etc etc… They definitely know I exist but only my first name.

Has anyone else had a bizarre situation like this?

Hmmm. Tricky.
I personally wouldn’t welcome this, but I’m sure plenty of others would.

DH has a couple of older half siblings that he hadn’t seen since he was around 9 and he actively sought them out in his late 30’s once the internet was in every home. It was initially fine but there was bitterness on the older siblings side. One didn’t want to know and the other one wanted far too much from him/us. After several years DH ended up blocking them. I was fairly horrified that FIL, their own father, wasn’t interested though & he was angry DH had made contact. We had a young family & I couldn’t imagine never wanting to see them, but I guess he had his reasons. Awful for you that after making contact your DF didn’t fight harder to keep you in his life and let it fizzle out, that must be so difficult.

I have a niece fathered by my elder brother. I really wouldn’t want them getting in touch now. I tried really hard for 18 years, sending for Christmas/b.days etc & writing to the mum, got very little back so stopped after their 18th birthday. If they got in touch a couple of decades later I’d just not be thrilled tbh. As now they are just strangers who happen to be genetically linked to my family, and I really have enough shit going on in my life. I appreciate not everyone has difficult stuff going on, but the point is you just don’t know.

What do you hope to get out of contacting them? If it is just to meet and see photos, hear some stories, they may be really pleased. I know I have aunts who would drop everything, start baking and invite the clan round to meet you and bring pictures/videos etc, and plenty of other people would too.

I guess I don’t have a totally ‘normal’ upbringing or family either, so my view’s probably aren’t ’normal’.

I guess I'm just as much as a weirdo as my real dad.. Something happened and he completely blanked his mum and sister.. for decades.. Things are so bad.. he was not even mentioned on his mums funeral notice.

I meet him in my teens and do the same.. just block him and get on with my life.

There is a reason why I'm suddenly so interested... in all this. I was given a photo of my aunt when she was very young and had a baby.. And I'm sure i saw this woman in my local Aldi recently.. i recognized her face instantly, she's the exact same except with grey hair now 😱

I think i'll just leave it actually after I've had a thought.

Aunty will probably hate/resent me because;

1. I left it so long and if i was arsed - id' have met grandmother before she passed away.

1. She hates me real dad for some reason, and I'm an extension of him

I would make contact. It’s not like your grandmother has just passed away and you suddenly appear. It’s been a few years.

You might have to be prepared that she may not want to know but I would try.

I would make contact. It’s not like your grandmother has just passed away and you suddenly appear. It’s been a few years.

You might have to be prepared that she may not want to know but I would try.