Turning up to days out unannounced

[Justpeachy88]

Would you find it weird if your partner randomly turned up when you’ve taken the kids out for the day? Told you they were working (they work all over and travel between jobs) then popped up as you were arriving there, apparently as they’re ’passing’ stayed 10 minutes then left?

What about if it had happened twice in the space of a few weeks? They’d turned up half an hour from the end of what you were doing, waited and left with you. Just trying to figure if this is a nice gesture or not!

sounds like he’s just being nice, unless you are meeting a friend etc and then a bit annoying.

Does your partner trust you? Do you think they might be trying to catch you out?

I would think they didn’t trust me and were checking that I was where I said I’d be.

They are checking on you! 😨

Sounds like he’s checking that you’re really with the kids and not some other man.

I’d think they were gutted to have missed a family day out due to working and wanted to join for a bit when they could.

Is there a reason you’re suspicious?

Are they controlling? Why are you suspicious?
Id be more worried if they were nearby when you’re out with your kids and they didn’t at least say hello if they could. Maybe they are feeling guilty about working and have a bit of FOMO?

Either A, he is gutted he is missing out on a day with you and the dc or B, thinks you are meeting someone.

Does he wave you off with a cheery 'see you later have fun here is £20' or does he go through your phone, check your handbag, have you on some app where he always knows where you are 'for your protection' 'worried about the dc'. ?

And with whom.

Oh - hang on. Is this the partner you posted about last year who has a conviction for domestic violence?

Did you get around to asking for a Claire's Law report?

As everyone else has said, entirely depends on the guy, but I am with you, I get twitchy if someone turns up when they haven't agreed to be there beforehand.

I really hope you are ok OP. There is help out there if you don't feel confident and free around your partner. There are ways to reach out for that help, lovely.. And I promise, nobody (decent) will judge you for being in this situation. These abusers are geniuses at what they do. They get us all tricked!

Sending love and strength. X

If he is genuinely passing by then i think its a nice thing to do.

i once went to stay at my sisters (2 hours away) to look up to see DH peering through the window! He had a call out with work (could he anywhere in the country or even Europe) and it just so happened he was called out to the city very close to my sisters so he popped round for a cup of tea before he travelled home!

Unless he’s been suspicious and checking up on you in other ways, I think it’s a nice thing to do.

Thank you x Nope nothing else suspicious, doesn’t go through my phone or anything, just felt a little bit odd.

Personally I'd find it creepy and feel I was been checked on. Are you expected to tell him exactly where you'll be and when? If not, how does he know you'll be there?

I wouldn't normally go into much detail about what I had planned while my partner was working, maybe a "i might take the kids to X" if it came up in conversation but that would be subject to change depending on weather and how we all feel on the day, so not enough for them to show up with any confidence of us being there.

100% depends on the relationship. If this was me and dh I would roll my eyes as inevitably it would make the whole day more complicated, but it would be nice.

For SIL however, it would 100% have been part of his never ending efforts to control and monitor her. In fact, it was a similar situation that landed up being her final straw moment.

Or he could have been checking you did go out and are out of the way.

My DH will sometimes come our way between jobs / on lunch if I’m at the park etc with DC (he works weekends). I know it’s because he feels he misses out on that family time & takes any opportunity to snatch a bit of time with kids. I’ve never felt checked up on, but if this is happening regularly enough that you do, or you feel there’s an alterior motive than him popping up with an ice cream for the kids, then trust your gut.

Having had an ex that did this 🤦🏻‍♀️. I’d say if they messaged ahead to confirm your whereabouts and they were coming and then turned up I’d be inclined to think it’s a nice gesture (though unsure of the point of just a few mins) - but if they frequently turned up announced I dunno rings alarm bells for me 😬.

It’s weird to do it without communicating with you first. Like how do they know where you are? How do they know one kid isn’t having a meltdown and you just need to bundle everyone in the car and get home? What if you are mid-coffee with a friend?

I would be happy with Dh joining us for a bit on a day out if he’s nearby. I’d want him to communicate that though and not just pop up. Though frankly I’d rather he just got work done and met me at home to take over with the kids so I could do other things.

Yeah that was my first thought. Admittedly I might be a little bit paranoid because of issues I've had in the past, but other posters seem to be on the same page here.

He should do, I haven’t done anything to make him not trust me. We’re all on the location app, I set it up if needed for the kids, he’s on there too so can check where I am if he wanted to.

Must just be a nice gesture, like a few others have said, I’d expect a text first but guess there can’t be another motive if he can see where I am anyway!

If you have a location app then I think he’s just being nice, unless he thinks you are meeting someone.

I wouldn’t mind if I was alone with them but if I was meeting a friend I’d be annoyed.