Was my upbringing/life unusual?

[2024i]

Growing up, my mum was a medical professional and a high earner/the breadwinner, my dad was kind of a SAHD although he was self-employed, owned various businesses of differing success.

She generally worked 9-5. I probably spent more time with dad growing up, he did a balanced amount of household tasks like cooking. My mum definitely had a voice in the family ie she was a decision maker, there wasn’t a “man of the house” attitude.

Growing up, I didn’t have chores aside from keeping my room tidy. I was never expected to cook/clean for the men in the house or anything gender-based like that. I was taught to focus on my education, get a good career, be able to stand on my own two feet, have independence, self-confidence etc.

Anyway I guess I have grown up to believe the above is normal? Or is it not? As an adult (female) I went to university, now earn £40k+ at mid-20s, have my own place. I seem to work in a place where more traditional gender roles are prominent and I am seen as an outlier. My manager for example makes a big deal of his wife being the full time childcare/cook/maid, him being the decision maker, the men at work often take the piss out of their wives in team meetings and I never quite know how to respond to this “banter”. Whilst none of their wives work for the company, generally speaking female colleagues tend to be junior, work part time & are very clear on not wanting to progress their career due to family. So I’m
a bit of an anomaly it seems?

Your upbringing was pretty unusual. But I think so are your colleagues in being so openly misogynistic. They normally hide it a bit better than that these days.

I’m not sure how this is relevant to the OP’s scenario? Her mum obviously did have children despite her career ambitions, because the OP exists. In my mid 20s I was climbing the career ladder, children weren’t even on my radar. Now 40 and have 3 kids. Just because the OP is career focussed now doesn’t mean she’ll never have children. Equally she may never want children, which won’t be sad because it’ll be her choice,

I grew up in a patriarchal household, where my dad is the king. My BIL & nephew are now his successors. My mum, has always been there to serve my dad (and us) & the same would be expected from me. I didn’t recognise it until I was older, and married, myself. Me & DH do our own thing, but I’ve definitely noticed my tendency to make sure he’s looked after in terms of dinner, me getting the housework done etc…

Whenever I say to DS “tidy up or Daddy will give out” I have to check myself. The way you were brought up is unusual, but I think with most mums working now, we need to move towards better equality at home. Women are doing too much!

Your childhood sounds pretty standard to me but your workplace bizarre. You won't change Dinosaur City so it's time to leave for something better.

Thanks everyone

Your workplace is toxic. The 'banter' creates a hostile work environment for women, and it seems your position there is an anomaly.

Your upbringing was not unusual apart from your dad being a sahd.
I think a lot of homes were and are run on the basis of mutual respect. You hear a lot about power imbalances here because those affected tend to come here for validation or advice.

If I were you, I'd be looking for a job elsewhere.

My dad was a teacher who was finished same time as us and always managed to be there before us. Always home for Summer and mid terms etc. Mum was sahm until we started school then opened her own shop which was extremely successful and we became suddenly wealthy (relatively) and had annual holidays abroad and ate out about once a week. We had a cleaner but my Dad did a bit about the house too, he didn't cook but always peeled potatoes and veg and prepared things. He would do the dishwasher and laundry, but we all had chores too. My Gran had done the same thing, opened a business, in the late 1940s, I was very much raised by strong women where sexism was not tolerated. As Catholics in a small town in Ireland in the 80s this was not normal, however many people I met from the cities also experienced a similar upbringing, at least in terms of attitude towards women.

I've worked in 3 different industries and don't think what you experience at work is normal or acceptable. I'd be looking elsewhere if I were you.

Sounds normal but your work place sounds shit