Feeling left out by a friend- would you say anything?

[Specstop]

I used to have a regular friendship group where we'd go on an "outing" to do with a shared interest once a week.

It stopped during lockdown when we weren't allowed. Then I changed my job so couldn't make the time anyway.

The group splintered a but, for no real reasons afaik other than life getting in the way, I've stayed close friends with one of the group but don't have much contact with the other 2. Still friendly when we do bump into each other but don't "do" things together.

I've seen on SM that the old outing has started up again, just the 3 of them. I'm now not working when it takes place and they all know that. The friend I've stayed close to knows I'd like to do the activity again.

No invite.

Obviously they don't need to invite me, but I don't know why they wouldn't and I especially don't know why my closer friend would do it with them and not me.

Part of me wants to ask, but also I don't know what's to be gained from it. If they don't want me there I don't want to go.

I'm feeling hurt, but trying to be grown up.😆

Perhaps your friend stayed in touch with the others but you stepped away and only stayed in touch with one person?

Yes, that's definitely the case, so self inflicted, but I don't know, when they were discussing it friend wouldn't say "shall I invite Specs too?".

She may have done and the others said @Specstopditched is so no thanks? I truly don’t mean that in a snide way, I just know if I did an activity as a four and when it ended only three of us stayed in touch I wouldn’t be keen to reach out again when that person might find me useful again.

Could you ask the friend you’re still close with?

Have you offered to arrange anything, invited them to anything?

I organise loads for the one friend and others (overlapping friendship groups) but not for this particular group. I'm not surprised at the two going without me. I am surprised at the other friend not including me.

Unfortunately there is ever much support for friendship issues on here OP....onus seems to be on it being something you have done and daring to feel hurt or worse actually TELL anyone you are feeling hurt is a cardinal sin!

But in the real world, things like this are bloody painful!

I’d mention it and see what she says. Nothing ventured!

It looks like the friend you are still close with has maintained a relationship with the other two over the years, whereas you haven't. So they've been in touch all along and it just seems natural to them to remain as a group of 3.

If they’ve been a little group that kept I touch though and you didn’t then it isn’t really surprising that they haven’t invited you. You’re not part of that group anymore.

I think this is one of the biggest problems with SM - pre social media you wouldn’t have felt hurt at them meeting up because you probably wouldn’t have known.

There is little point bringing it up with them because they will KNOW they have left you out. It’s painful, but it seems to be the modern way. People leave people behind far easier now than they did in the past.

Next time you're talking to your friend, you could always give a light hearted - 'Aw did you guys go bowling? I'd love to come next time! Haven't been for ages!'

and that way you're letting her know that you'd like to re-join in the meet ups, but not in an accusatory way!

I would mention it to the one continuing friend, and depending on her answer I would cut down on the amount of organising I did that included her. She may have taken the lazy approach that as she was seeing you at other things, she didn't have to make the effort to bring you back into the activity-going fold. Which is her choice, she doesn't have to, but also you don't have to give her the full benefit of your organising efforts either.

Exactly what I would have surmised. There’s nothing to stop you chatting to your close friend about it though, you don’t have to invite yourself along but you can remark on maybe how you miss the old times and take it from there.

I'd message and say ooh, invite me. I miss this so much and would be great to get back into it!

Be bold.

I think it’s what the others have said, they’ve stayed in touch as a group and you haven’t. Could you invite the one friend you’re in touch with to do the activity sometimes?

Could you arrange something and invite all 3?
Could be as simple as a coffee or drink in the pub but it would begin the wheels of friendship again?

Yeah but if that message gets left on read it's gonna be ouchy.....

I think you need to drop in conversation to your friend you’re still close with about it and then see how they respond to that, and judge what to do next based on their reaction.