Online dating - does this sound fairly typical?

[Delmara]

I have been OLD for just over a year after being single for a few years. Since starting to date I’ve met up with maybe 12 men for coffee, walks, drinks, etc. All have been very nice but for the first ten months or so I didn’t meet anyone that I particularly wanted to go on a second date with, some of them wanted a second date with me, some didn’t - that’s fine.

More recently I met someone for drinks that I liked. We had a great night but he messaged the next day to say it was too soon after his marriage break up for him to be dating. Fair enough. Then I met another guy for a walk and liked him - great, he wanted a second date too so we went for drinks. It was good fun, but he messaged the next day to say he didn’t think there was a spark. I was a bit disappointed but again, fair enough.

does this sound similar to other people’s experiences of OLD? I have two friends who met partners within a couple of months of starting to date, but maybe they are the exception? Everyone says it’s a numbers game so I guess I just need to persist but am interested to know if my experience is fairly typical.

Yes similar, at least the guys are being upfront with you. You have done well not taking it personally

It is a numbers game. It took me about 18 months and probably more than 50 dates before I met dh. If you look like your pics, you should be getting a higher proportion asking for second dates though. Are you oversharing or scaring them off? India kang’s little dating book is really good for managing first date chit chat. Think you can still get it on Amazon

Yes. When I was OLD in 2024, I had dozens of first dates and precisely two second dates (neither of which went anywhere…). I’m mid-30s. I remembered it being a lot easier the last time I was OLD when I was 30/late 20s. But I’ve also heard OLD in general has gone downhill since Covid.

Are you trying to meet men IRL too, or just OLD? I met DP out in the wild 6 months ago, completely unexpectedly. So don’t rule out meeting a man while you’re out having fun and living your best life 😉

my Pics are all recent and unfiltered etc. I’ve included one where I’m not wearing make up too. I do get asked on lots of second dates, just not by the men I like!

Thanks for the book recommendation, I’ll take a look.

thats good to know. I met my last partner at a party so am very open to meeting people IRL, it’s just that at my age (50) most are already coupled up when I meet them at work, school events etc. I have three children so limited enough time for hobbies. I’d love to meet someone in the wild though!

What age are the men you’re dating/ swiping on? I think your age will be a factor here. It gets harder as you get older. Most men your age on there will be looking for far younger sadly. You’d be looking at the 60+ / 65 + bracket realistically.

You're doing well I would say if they're all pleasant! But yes it gets harder as you get older and it's a numbers game.

Whether or not 50 year-old men want a woman “much younger” doesn’t mean they’ll get one. I’m mid-30s and my age filter when I was OLD went up to 40. I have zero interest in men age 50+ or even 45+. Same goes for all my friends my age. Quite a few of us have gone for slightly younger men in fact (DP is a couple of years younger than me).

Most men come to realise that they can’t attract a woman decades younger and adjust their expectations accordingly. Or they stay single. It’s ridiculous to suggest OP has to date men 15 years older. It’s fine if she wants a 65 year-old boyfriend, but she certainly doesn’t have to settle for one if she doesn’t.

I did a bit of OLD a couple of years ago for the first time but I was very selective about who I even chatted to let alone met up with. I had to get the feeling from their profile and first couple of messages that we were similar enough. I met four people. Two I didn’t really fancy irl. One I went on a few dates with but it didn’t seem to be going anywhere. The final one I’ve been with for two years. I’m a bit younger but had dates with ten years either way! The one I’m with it at the oldest end of my age range though.

@Crushed23 I didn’t say she had to accept anything. Looking for a decent man her own age that would be interested is very hard. A lot of women in their late 30s and early 40s will be in the pool for men the op’s age. I know lots people like @WildCountry married to and in long term relationships with men ten years older

@Pyjamatimenow I’m not having any problems attracting men around my own age, lots of the men I’ve been on dates have wanted second dates, but I haven’t fancied them. There were two I did like, one was my age and the other 8 years older than me but sadly they didn’t want to take it any further.

I guess my question was whether my overall experience is fairly typical- lots of pleasant first dates but very few I want a second date with. Maybe I’m being too picky and should consider a slow burn.

I had similar. Sometimes I was sure we both felt a spark, then found out he didn't! Sometimes the other way round. I did it for about 2 years, met some lovely blokes, had three longer relationships and am still friends with two.

It’s hard for everyone and it’s getting increasingly harder. Those who meet their long term partners within a few dates of starting OD are either incredibly lucky or are very easy going people who don’t have exacting standards. Or they have clear boundaries and don’t waste time on people who are not worth their time. Unfortunately that was not me :).
I met 198 people through online dating - yes, I did count them. I became ‘good’ at online dating- it’s all down to experience like everything else in life - so I could tell guys’ personalities from their profiles and I almost always got asked on a second date. My current boyfriend is definitely more suited to me than most of the guys I dated, even though the ‘chemistry’ is not as intense as what I felt for other guys. But I’m older and wiser and using my head more this time around. It’s nice to not feel constantly riddled with anxiety because of dating.

It is indeed a number’s game…

@Gabitule that’s very interesting, I do think that after a year I’m getting ‘better’ at it but I’m still a long way off 198 dates 😂 fair play to you. I had better up my game.