Wwyd? Difficult colleague

[wellwellwell39]

I'm fairly new to the NHS, have a nightmare of a colleague who never used to bother me however over the last few months is really stirring trouble in the office and I'm pondering how best to approach/deal with it, or if I should say nothing to my manager....

Quick backstory from what I know, this colleague (I'm going to call her Jemima) has moved departments several times apparently because of 'issues with people' and I've been told that a few people came to this job which I'm in (band3) and then moved on because of the issues that Jemima created. I didnt ask any questions as I really hate gossiping and not my business anyway. There is one lady who refused to come into the office and stated the reason being that Jemima was bullying her, there could be some truth in there but she was another person who constantly caused issues and was difficult to work with full stop, and has recently retired.

Currently there is one other staff member within the office who cannot get on with Jemima, there are fairly regular spats between them which include ignoring each other, constant bitching and sometimes even shouting at each other, it's pathetic. The rest of us are pretty chilled out, come to work to do our job, try to be happy when there, and just want to leave having had zero drama so we just stay away from it all and avoid conflict.

Jemima recently went on holiday, of the three clinicians that are in the team, she brought back presents for two of them and openly gifted them in front of everyone, leaving one of them out - not that they particularly cared, but still - that's just plain childish and unkind There have been other small and petty instances like this but that's the jist of it.

Sometimes Jemima comes into the office and seems to be in an OK mood, can be cheery, up for conversation and seems pleasant enough to be in an office with. Most of the time she isn't, will only talk to the 2 or 3 people who she has decided are deserving of her conversation and refuses to look at or talk to anyone else. One day a week another colleague from a different office comes in to help out, who is a smoker, Jemima openly huffs and puffs opening all the windows making it very clear why then goes to a different back office to work to avoid the smell, which I can understand but I don't understand the need to be so dramatic about it (Jemima is in her mid 50's). We had a recent heatwave and I politely asked the whole office if anyone minds if I open the doot to get some air into the office, instead of just saying yes I would mind, she went off on one and was shouting saying it's only ME who gets a draft! Etc. Just no need.

Anyway a few people have asked me if I'm OK and told me if anything gets to me to speak up immediately (I think they may be worried she puts me off working in this team and I might leave) but on the whole I don't let her bother me and just accept that she's incredibly grumpy/rude etc when it suits her.

But lately it's becoming more and more evident the trouble she is causing within the office. After being off on AL for two weeks, on my first day back she refused to look at me (its a very small office with only 6 so it was very apparent, sometimes more on other days but usually around 6 of us). I decided to of course not bother and put it down to just her being her, but it really creates a lot of unspoken and unnecessary tension, especially when another member of staff who was also on AL came back the same day and Jemima gushed all over her asking one million q's about her holiday (haha!) I'm a fairly quiet person when in work, and don't take her attitude towards me personally because I think she just loves to hate, craves creating drama/tension and has done this with plenty of people before me.

After a recent meeting, she insisted that nothing in the office works, things need to change and should be be done this way and that way, and that if she was in charge (she's a band4) it would run like clockwork 🙄 she constantly puts people down behind their backs, refuses to help any new staff stating that it's not her job to be training anyone, and is generally just very toxic/negative. This caused a slightly emotional outburst from Jemima and the other colleague who she doesnt get on with. I mentioned that it might be good if people could alleviate their frustrations in a healthier manner as being huffy/silent is pointless and issues with other people could be used as catalyst for good/positive change. This then led to her telling me (when everyone had left the office) that she feels im not up to speed with where I should be with training (I had to stop myself from laughing very loudly! And I completely disagree) she told me I'm being let down by the clinicians (I wholeheartedly disagree on this one too- she undermines me and everyone, no one is as great as she is in her opinion) and that I wouldn't be ready to move to band 4 job which is coming up soon (my previous job was in a management and had a lot more stress and responsibility than a band 4 so again I disagree) she then went on to say quite a lot of horrible things about our manager (who I think is absolutely fantastic) and then said horrible things about everyone else in the team, I feel that her aim is to pit everyone against each other, and told me what I should and shouldn't be doing work wise, asked why x,y,z was a priority because she believes ot should be something else.

Within my first week she said a huge amount of nasty things about the colleague who she openly doesn't get on with, why would you do that? I barely knew anyone and it's for me to make up my own mind about how I feel about anyone, not be influenced. And several times turns into the victim and claims she can't bear to work here anymore (erm..it's actually a lovely place to work when she isn't there spreading hate)

She is sadly someone who has to know everything, takes the huff if the clinicians have a meeting without her 🙄 won't speak to new staff but advises them to go the trade union about her manager (I feel this is playing games and trying to act supportive to new staff whilst the real intention is to get to the manager who she clearly dislikes).

So as she is not my manager, I don't feel she should be spouting off about her perceived idea of my performance, she should not be saying vicious things about every other member of staff behind their back, nor should she be advising new members of staff to be contacting trade union about our manager and spreading hatred.

So wwyd? Accept that this is typical office politics and stay away from it?

Confide in my manager about what was said to me about trade union/my performance etc and generally being nasty about every other person in the office? Although she said/he said conversations makes me cringe.

The manager knows all to well what she is like, so my thoughts are it might be good to be noted incase I have any further issues with her.

It's a real shame because if Jemima put half as much energy into bringing people up and helping others/working as a team then she could be a real cause for good, but she has a real individualist outlook and instead of working as a team she tends to gate keep all her own knowledge and experience which just makes her seem even more petty and unnecessarily unkind.

Perhaps she has issues at home or stress elsewhere who knows, but I don't think colleagues should have to suffer because of that, we all have issues going on. I'm dreading going into work tomorrow which I've never felt before so last week was a real turning point for me. I'll not allow her to get to me but I'm also tempted to speak with her privately and ask if she is OK because her behaviour is not ideal for a work environment. I think she is also really stressed with her workload but ultimately she is just plain nasty and most likely unhappy in other areas of her life too. She comes across as a very jealous person too but I guess no one can chamge that but herself.

So, thanks for getting this far, and wwyd?

I would confide in my manager. This sounds a horrible situation for everyone. However, I think you need to take care to present the issues formally and in professional language. I hope you don't take offence (I am trying to be constructive) but what you have written makes it sound a bit "ranty" in a kind of "her word against yours" sort of way and you want to avoid that. You need to present it as concerns and impact on colleagues. Try to present it factually and without emotion.

You might like to use ChatGPT for this so you can talk it through an refine the output. For example, I took what you had written and asked it to summarise in a professional and unemotional way the concerns with Jemima and the impact she was having on yourself and others. What it gave me is below - but of course you can tweak it to make it correct but this is what I'd aim for. I think the text below would be suitable for your manager in the first instance and then a follow up with an email summary.

.Summary of Concerns Regarding Colleague Behaviour

There are growing concerns within the team regarding the conduct and interpersonal behaviour of a colleague. She is displaying multiple patterns of unprofessional and disruptive behaviour have been observed, which appear to be contributing to a toxic work environment and may be impacting staff morale and cohesion. The main issues include:

1. History of Conflict

She has a known history of interpersonal issues, having transferred departments multiple times due to reported conflicts. Several previous staff members are believed to have left or avoided the team due to difficulties associated with Jemima.

1. Disruptive Office Dynamics

Ongoing personal conflicts with at least one other colleague result in frequent arguments, open hostility, and disruption in the office. Selective and exclusionary behaviour has been observed, such as excluding one team member from gifts, and only communicating with a limited group, contributing to a divisive atmosphere.

1. Negative and Undermining Conduct

Jemima frequently makes derogatory comments about colleagues, including the manager and clinical staff, often behind their backs. She has discouraged new staff from engaging with management and has suggested they contact trade unions prematurely, which may undermine team trust and leadership. without remit.

1. Hostile and Unprofessional Interactions

Displays of hostility include visible disdain towards colleagues (e.g. reacting dramatically to a smoker, shouting about minor issues like a draft). On return from leave, she displayed targeted coldness and exclusion toward one team member, leading to an uncomfortable and tense atmosphere.

1. Resistance to Team Culture

Jemima has been unwilling to assist in training new staff, stating it's not her responsibility. Demonstrates a lack of willingness to contribute to a collaborative, positive team culture, instead promoting an individualistic and negative approach.

Impact
Staff are becoming increasingly uncomfortable, with one team member reporting dread at returning to work, a previously unfamiliar feeling.

There is concern that ongoing behaviour may affect staff retention, morale, and performance.

Several team members have expressed awareness of the situation and advised the affected colleague to speak up.

Also - good luck dealing with it. She sounds a shocker!

@InSpainTheRain what a great use of Chat GPT! There's another thread running about how awful it is but I think it can be such a useful tool for organising muddled thoughts.

No offence taken at all! Thanks so much for your thoughts, that certainly sounds much better than how I had written it, so will likely use this. I really feel for my manager, as it's beem a rough year amd I'd rather not put any more on her to do list but I think it's best to say now rather than keep quiet as I'm sure there will be many more situations luke this to come.

I was going to say this to my manager face to face, but might just put this in writing instead, or as well as. I find it all rather silly and pathetic, would much rather stay out of it all but because I know there are others who feel the same way, it's probably lying best to be open and honest for future reference.

Ahhh, workplace dramas are the worst!!

I also think if I was her manager, I'd like to know that she is telling people to go to trade union about me, this manager couldn't be nicer or more approachable, amd certainly doesn't deserve to have this hatred spouted about her, but I will be mortified telling her!

Some of this is very non stuff, but the stuff about your performance - speak to your manager.

The NHS especially admin, which this may not be, is rife with bullying. They also never sack anyone. So it just continues.
Call it out as what it is, bullying. Yes it’s petty and you can rise above it but it will get you down and make you feel like quitting eventually. No one would want to put up with such childish behaviour. Do you have a number you can call to report it? We have an anonymous ‘freedom to speak up’ number in our trust, and also a ‘thinking about leaving’ team to improve retention.

My thoughts exactly! So really struggling to know what's best to do, it's all so petty. Would you leave out the trade union info?

I'm not in admin, but that's a great shout. Not entirely sure but I will aim to find out, I feel she's dangerous for our manager as will turn into the victim and claim she is being bullied if anything were to be said to Jemima. If the moment felt right I would carefully and politely tell her how her behaviour may be perceived, mind you it would probably make matters worse and increase her bullying behaviour but perhaps being told in a kind way might make her think twice about the person she is

I’d mention it in the sense she’s stirring and causing toxicity in the team.

Follow your grievance policy and submit one regarding her behaviour.

My only advise is keep records of everything using:
When, who, where and what?

Personally I would confide in my manager.

People like this will never see the error of their ways. But if you complain about them, they can get so indignant that they leave. We had a miserable man who kept undermining his line manager. It was quietly mentioned to a more senior manager, miserable man was spoken to and that was enough for him to find another job. He'd been in that job 22 years. But I think people like that can't take criticism.

I agree that you must have evidence in terms of time/place and what was said. Saying they criticised someone behind their back won't cut it, it needs to be precise.
Also, it's not out of order to advise someone to go to their union. They're there to give advice, not necessarily to pile in roaring like a gorgon. That Jemima might be using it in a shit-stirring way is beside the point.

Criticising your performance is a good place to start.

Giving out pressies unequally is not a good one to raise, even though she might well be doing it to make point.