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Original poster

Immigration help - does anyone have advice?

12 replies

HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 03:33

We live abroad and my daughter has just finished international school. She's UK citizen (and actually also US but that's just an accident of birth, we have no real connections there).
She has had a boyfriend who is in the same year since beginning of Year 12 so they're coming up to two years together. Obviously they're very young but they have been togetehr a while now and are adamant that they want to stay together.
Byofriend is US citizen and hIs parents actuallly left the country we live in early into Year 13 and he moved in with us until he finished school.
He's spent time with us in the UK and both him and my daughter are both quite certain that the UK is where they want to be, not the US.
My daughter has a deferred place at a good UK uni for 2026 and she 100% wants to attend there. Boyfriend hasn't yet applied for anywhere. However, his parents have told him that they can only provide very limited support and are pushing for him to go to a local uni in middle of nowhere US (it really is, nearest city is three hours drive away) and live at home which he really doesn't want. He wants to study in UK
Obviously, at the moment he would have to pay international fee and would have no access to student finance. He could get federal student loans but that wouldn't be sufficient.
So dd and boyfriend are breaking their heads trying to figure things out. They both want to be in the UK (even though my dd CAN be in the US, they both see their future together in the UK). But it seems their options are limited, right? Until her boyfriend has money for a student visa? They're looking at partner visa and for boyfriend to work and save and then eventually in 3 years get home fee status but the income requirements are very high for two young people - it's 29k now. And on a visitor visa her boyfriend can't work which he wants to do in order to save for uni.
Not sure how we can help them! I'm glad they want to be in the UKas it's where we have family (including other older children) and friends and where we visit. We wouldn't want DD to be in the US (obviously would support her if that's what she wanted and it would certainly be easier as she is a citizen but it'd be hard having her so far away).
Any advice or creative ideas?

OP posts:
Whatatodo79 · 05/08/2025 03:40

Gosh this all seems very intense. They must be 18 at most? I'd be sympathetic to it all but be wary of any thoughts that may have already developed that you'll somehow foot the bill of him being in the UK, which as you say will be tens of thousands. Probably the best thing they can do is be apart for a while and her go to uni and he works out for himself what he's doing. If that's earning money back home to come to the UK that's great, if he or she develops other priorities whilst they are apart well that's life?

stardrops1 · 05/08/2025 03:54

So this boy has no money, limited financial support from his parents, and wants to attend a UK uni as an international student?! As a former international student myself, I can’t imagine what he’s thinking. Getting a student visa is not cheap, not to mention international student uni fees. Are you planning to support him financially?

Original poster
HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 03:57

stardrops1 · 05/08/2025 03:54

So this boy has no money, limited financial support from his parents, and wants to attend a UK uni as an international student?! As a former international student myself, I can’t imagine what he’s thinking. Getting a student visa is not cheap, not to mention international student uni fees. Are you planning to support him financially?

I know. No, we are not going to support him other than provide place to stay during holidays etc. Not appropriate for us to pay.

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Original poster
HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 04:06

Whatatodo79 · 05/08/2025 03:40

Gosh this all seems very intense. They must be 18 at most? I'd be sympathetic to it all but be wary of any thoughts that may have already developed that you'll somehow foot the bill of him being in the UK, which as you say will be tens of thousands. Probably the best thing they can do is be apart for a while and her go to uni and he works out for himself what he's doing. If that's earning money back home to come to the UK that's great, if he or she develops other priorities whilst they are apart well that's life?

No, we will not be footing the bill and no one expect us to do that. Even if we could afford it, it wouldn't be appropriate. We have a place in the UK for my older children and us and he could stay there over holidays but that's the extent of financial support. I'm just helping DD explore options.
I have checked with DD that she's not thinking of giving up her uni place to stay in US and that's a firm no. So at least it's boyfriend who needs to make the decisions and not DD.
Yeah both 18 so very young

OP posts:
Porseb · 05/08/2025 04:31

Unfortunately the US is probably the better option for them. There are much better scholarship opportunities for college or cheaper alternatives such as community colleges for a 2 year Associates degree before transferring to a 4 year college to complete final 2 years to graduate.

Porseb · 05/08/2025 04:31

And no restrictions on part time jobs for each of them and no visa issues.

Original poster
HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 04:54

Porseb · 05/08/2025 04:31

Unfortunately the US is probably the better option for them. There are much better scholarship opportunities for college or cheaper alternatives such as community colleges for a 2 year Associates degree before transferring to a 4 year college to complete final 2 years to graduate.

Yep, financially for him. Less so for us!
But they don't want it. I know my daughter has missed the UK, she wants to settle there and not move around and has lived away for long enough for her.
I have pointed out to them how short the semesters are and since they overlap between UK and US it would mean less time apart. In southern states, year starts in August and is over by May with very long Xmas break. But her boyfriend really likes the UK too and it's also where he wants to be so I'm just seeing if there are any other options for them...
Big advantage of the UK tho is 3 year degree rather than 4.

OP posts:
Eastie77Returns · 05/08/2025 05:35

I think this is something the BF and his family need to worry about. Are his parents trying to work out a solution?

This sounds like an issue you are spending a lot of time on considering he is not your responsibility. They are 18 and unlikely to still be together beyond the next couple of years or so.

Original poster
HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 05:47

Eastie77Returns · 05/08/2025 05:35

I think this is something the BF and his family need to worry about. Are his parents trying to work out a solution?

This sounds like an issue you are spending a lot of time on considering he is not your responsibility. They are 18 and unlikely to still be together beyond the next couple of years or so.

I am thinking about all of this as i want DD to be happy. I have a bit of a reputation in our family as a trouble shooter 😀

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Fiery30 · 05/08/2025 06:45

I agree with others, this is all very intense and unnecessary at their young age. It's not as simple as moving cities to be in the same uni. This is so much more complicated. Your daughter already has an offer to study. What if her bf doesn't get an offer in the same uni? Even if he does, they might not be in the same course. As they grow up, they will have new friendship groups, have different experiences, projects etc. They might even drift away, which is quite natural. Right now the bf is literally living in your house, so their lives are quite enmeshed with each other, which certainly won't be the case in uni.
What will be worse is if your DD decides not to go to uni or change uni because of her bf.
On what basis will he get a partner visa? How is he going to earn a living and sustain a lifestyle with minimal parental support?
There are no creative ideas to give here as this a legal matter. Perhaps consult an immigration lawyer.

Original poster
HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 09:31

Fiery30 · 05/08/2025 06:45

I agree with others, this is all very intense and unnecessary at their young age. It's not as simple as moving cities to be in the same uni. This is so much more complicated. Your daughter already has an offer to study. What if her bf doesn't get an offer in the same uni? Even if he does, they might not be in the same course. As they grow up, they will have new friendship groups, have different experiences, projects etc. They might even drift away, which is quite natural. Right now the bf is literally living in your house, so their lives are quite enmeshed with each other, which certainly won't be the case in uni.
What will be worse is if your DD decides not to go to uni or change uni because of her bf.
On what basis will he get a partner visa? How is he going to earn a living and sustain a lifestyle with minimal parental support?
There are no creative ideas to give here as this a legal matter. Perhaps consult an immigration lawyer.

The plan is for boyfriend to study at different uni in same town. He should be accepted based on his grades (and the fact that he's intenrational). There are other potential unis in that area too.

I have told DD and she agrees that they should both be in (separate) uni accommodation for Year 1 and then they can find a shared house for Year 2 onwards with other friends.

Boyfriend likes the UK regardless of DD and wants to study there even if they did end up splitting up. He visited the uni in question and liked it a lot. Totally agree that they may go their separate ways and I've discussed this with them too - I don't want DD somehwo feeling responsible for boyfriend's decisions.

They really are classic third culture kids - when you live abroad and your kids are in international schools, it does create a kind of feeling of not belonging anywhere though and I do feel for them. Boyfriend's parents actually have moved back to a different area in the US to the one boyfriend grew up where he knows no one in so I think taht doesn't help that feeling of rootlessness either.

Unfortunately, the reality of passports and visas is hitting them hard!

OP posts:
Original poster
HaselahHaadom · 05/08/2025 09:55

BTW, I also agree that I don't want DD changing unis or dropping out and it's been a big concern for me. But I'm pleased she is 100% committed to her course and uni and bf is having to fit himself around her.

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