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Is childcare required for 12 and 10 year old?

18 replies

Nextstepsahead · 04/08/2025 21:19

Eldest is going into Y7 in Sept, she will turn 12 in November. Youngest is going into Y5, he will turn 10 in November.

The high school and primary school are next door to each other. We live in a small town which is generally very safe. Both schools are about a 15 minute walk away. Until now, both children have gone to a childminder before and after school when both of us are working. This is necessary as I leave the house at 7am for work, and generally pick them up between 5-6pm. I work part time so this is only 3 days per week, term time only. There is no flexibility with my hours however. No after school club available at the primary school so the childminder has been a convenient and necessary option. Their Dad isn’t around during the week so childcare is based on my working pattern.

Eldest is happy walking to high school (very safe route) and will leave at 8am, likely home around 4pm. I’m ok with her being in the house alone for an hour currently so this works ok. Youngest is still lined up to go to the childminder for the start of Y5.

However, the youngest is now asking if his sister can’t just meet walk him to school and walk back with him, which would mean no childcare was involved and both children would be in the house from 7.15-8ish, and 4-5ish with no adult on my working days.

What have you done once the eldest has gone to high school? What age would you say you would trust them to do the above?

I’m thinking about continuing the childminder until at least Jan for the youngest, or potentially for another year until he’s in Y6 and she’s in Y8. I’d like to send the eldest to the childminder for the start of Y7 too in some ways but won’t. They are both fairly sensible. However, no family live locally and our neighbours are often away. They do have local friends whose parents I know they could call on in an emergency if required,

I’m curious to know what others would do.

OP posts:
RandomUsernameHere · 04/08/2025 21:23

I’d keep the childminder for the youngest as the eldest will probably want to do after school clubs or see their friends after school.

TheNightingalesStarling · 04/08/2025 21:23

It wouldn't be fair on the elder child to make them responsible for the younger child.
What about if they join a sports club or want to be in the school play, or go to homework club etc?

SisterMargaretta · 04/08/2025 21:25

My eldest DC came home alone once at secondary but I wouldn't have wanted to give her responsibility for her younger sibling too at that age.

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BoredZelda · 04/08/2025 21:32

I couldn’t make a 12 year old responsible for getting their 10 year old brother ready for school in the mornings. There is also the consideration of after school stuff at high school. Some of the clubs run then, or she might want to hang out with her mates for half a hour. Would your daughter be happy to miss out to pick up her brother? If needs must then of course older kids have to step in, but if you have an option not to, don’t turn your daughter into her brother’s carer at 12 years old just because it’s what he wants.

Avocadohoho · 04/08/2025 21:33

I’m not sure that’s fair on the eldest, once in a while yes. But once they get to secondary school they often stay out with friends, go to the park or other houses. Or randomly turn up having been to the local shop for sweets/ice cream.

BreakfastClubBlues · 04/08/2025 21:37

Mine 2 are the same age, only a year older, so just finished yr5/7. Same working pattern as you took, only I work 4 days.

I kept my youngest in after-school/ breakfast club. He complained (a lot!) but eldest does clubs after school most days so wasn't possible or fair for her to be worrying about picking DS up.

Towards the end of the school year she collected him for one day a week because her clubs had come to an end. It was fine, but I still couldn't rely on her to do it because she would have things pop up (wanting to go to a friend's house, random football match/ athletics etc) so I always needed the back-up of ASC. It's also just not her job.

This year DS will have his own key and walk himself home a day or two a week and DD is home by about 4-4.30 most days. He'll still go to breakfast club though, because I feel he is too young to be the last one out of the house.

So my advice would be keep the childminder for now and see how it all pans out once your eldest has settled into secondary school.

LiterallyMelting · 04/08/2025 21:39

I also have a 10 year old going to year 6. DC1 however is 14 going to year 10. I do not let DC1 look after DC2 for longish period of time. However you are at only one hour before and one hour after school. As a November child, those who are 3 months older than him will be travelling to school, taking public transport. I would say then how about paying for another term and let them come home with their older sibling either from Jan or after Easter?

DongDingBell · 04/08/2025 21:42

Same age gap here, but primary abd secondary on different directions.
Started off with DS1 self sufficient, and DS2 in childcare. After Feb half term (ie getting lighter) DS2 walked home, but was in childcare before school (he would have left after DS1, so needed to lock the house)
Y6 for him to walk to school.

Definitely keep the childcare for a bit until you know if your oldest wants to do clubs. Would (could?) your youngest get home completely alone? If not, what would you do if the oldest got a detention on a night you were working?

LiterallyMelting · 04/08/2025 21:43

Oh and I agree with the PP don’t rely on the older one for childcare. The younger one needs to be comfortable walking home to an empty home. If is more likely to have something after end of the school day compared to the morning.

By the way, DC2 has started walking home herself after Easter in year 5. But we always have either DH or me WFH. She is a September child so I used the judgment that kids her age in year 6 would have started this in the Autumn term.

Nextstepsahead · 04/08/2025 21:47

Thanks, that’s a very valid point many of you have made about the eldest needing her freedom to join clubs at school and see friends etc at the end of the school day.

There’s no way I’d trust or expect the eldest to manage to get the youngest out the door on time in the morning now I think about it, so I think morning childcare may be necessary for the full year.

The youngest could get home by himself, and he has a school friends who live on our street who has started to walk (Mum is collecting/walking with the youngest a distance away anyway) but I’m not comfortable with him doing that until Y6 anyway, so it would either be walking back with his sister or going to the childminder for this year.

Thanks all, some really useful food for thought. I think my gut instinct is that the youngest needs to stay with the childminder for the whole of Y5, and we can consider dropping after school childcare in Y6 at some point but not expect the eldest to have to collect him.

OP posts:
Helpwithdivorce · 04/08/2025 21:50

Mine are the same ages and we won’t be using childcare from September. My eldest walked herself home from the start of year 5 and the youngest will do the same

YetanotherNC25 · 04/08/2025 22:02

Mine walked home (10-15 mins) from Y6 to get them ready fur walking home from high school but neither would have managed it in Y5, they mature a lot in the last year of primary.
Your oldest will have new friendship groups to walk home with as well as clubs, or even a detention or two after school (mine did) so it’s just not practical for them to walk together. You’ll likely find this even when they’re both at high school. They’ll walk home separately.

Needlenardlenoo · 04/08/2025 22:25

I don't think they'd be unsafe but it would mean the older one can't do an after school activity or hang out with friends before or after school on those days.

It's a lot of responsibility for a year when she should be focusing on making a good transition.

IndieRocknRoll · 04/08/2025 23:11

I have DC of a similar age & would be fine with them being at home after school together for half an hour to an hour but not anything beyond this. I wouldn’t even consider leaving youngest DC before school. It would be a recipe for disaster, plus he’d hate it!

BogRollBOGOF · 04/08/2025 23:18

I found there was a difference in maturity and confidence from y5 to y6. DS2 had to walk the 5 mins home as I needed to pick DS1 up at the same time. He was OK for the 10-15 mins that he was on his own before I returned. He wouldn't have been happy for a prolonged period at that stage, but would have been fine with it by y6.

It's quite normal for primary age to fizzle out of childcare late y5 and through y6, but early y5 is on the early side.

Keeping the childcare on for a while and giving your y7 space to settle in is sensible.

NuffSaidSam · 04/08/2025 23:25

I'd say from year six fine, maybe as he's one of the oldest from the summer term of year five.

Not now though and not if you're relying on his older sister to get him ready/drop off/pick up etc. Not until he's able to do it independently.

Smartiepants79 · 04/08/2025 23:28

The 10 year old needs childcare. Many schools would be unimpressed by a 9 year old in the care of a 11 year old.

Eastie77Returns · 04/08/2025 23:29

I have a 12 year old DD going into Y8 and a soon to be 10 year old (October born) going into Y5. The 10 year old will be in ASC for a few more months but we’ve discussed him walking home alone from Summer term next year. His school is a 5 min walk away. Definitely could not rely on DD to regularly pick him up but her name is down as someone who can collect him just in case we need her to.

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