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Is there a name/word for this ?

6 replies

Mancity08 · 04/08/2025 19:30

Dont know wether I’m going to be good at explaining this but here goes

Been with DP for 21 yrs he 70 me 67 and in the past some of our discussion's have ended turning into arguments, not good I know.
Each of us I suppose wants to know that the other person knows exactly what they mean so may repeat what we’re saying and go round in circles extending the argument

Anyway I noticed recently the dp will not discuss anything for more than say 5 mins. I feel he just wants a quite life, go about his day without making any decision
eg,
He will ask are you going out for lunch
I’ll reply with, where shall we go
Im. Fuzzy plain eater but he knows the handful of places we usually go to that we both enjoy
but he won’t decide, even when I say you choose
Meals are another he won’t engage in (he shops)
it ends with him saying , you can go later
If I mentioned to him something in the house needs doing he will say
I’ll sort it, note taken
It never gets done !
Recently had couple jobs in garden done
so I wanted to finish off what needed doing, I did it with a bit of help from him (after he came of social media) . I said I’ll order the stones
was met with. What’s the rush. We’ve just had couple of jobs done
Now all the ground cover I nailed in the ground (ready for stone) is ripped all over !
Its got left. Once again
I organised a guy to come round to estimate shower that badly needs doing
He gave estimate and dp even said he was a nice guy. That’s it 2weeks on nothing from him
He won’t discuss anything because he doesn’t want to argue,
He will cut me short in a sentence with
right, I get it end off. So abruptly

Recently I told him I’m started swimming again
so I put it on calendar to remind him
I put M & W
so he turns round and says I’ll have T & Thurs and he goes tennis Saturday
where he could quite easily have the same as me. He still goes out on the days I do anyway
I just don’t understand, I’ve pulled him on it and he’s just said there your days

Its got to the point now I’m bloody glad I don’t go out with him for 5 days a week
He want come up with any ideas , it’s always in my car(especially if I suggests a place)

Its the no interaction:interest about anything that
pisses me off. It’s like he’s only interested in his own agenda.
kitchens unit are 21 yrs old. No interest yet he can think of spending 17k cash on a car

OP posts:
JDM625 · 04/08/2025 23:38

Sorry OP, but if your conversations with your DH are anything like the multiple paragraphs above- then I can understand why he is confused! I certainly am. 😕

Each of us I suppose wants to know that the other person knows exactly what they mean so may repeat what we’re saying and go round in circles extending the argument What does this mean?

Recently I told him I’m started swimming again
so I put it on calendar to remind him
I put M & W

I have no clue how swimming relates to M&W? Mud and water???? Surely the word swim would be clearer?

Do either of you have hearing issues that might benefit from getting checked?

PractisingMyTelekenipsis · 04/08/2025 23:43

JDM625 · 04/08/2025 23:38

Sorry OP, but if your conversations with your DH are anything like the multiple paragraphs above- then I can understand why he is confused! I certainly am. 😕

Each of us I suppose wants to know that the other person knows exactly what they mean so may repeat what we’re saying and go round in circles extending the argument What does this mean?

Recently I told him I’m started swimming again
so I put it on calendar to remind him
I put M & W

I have no clue how swimming relates to M&W? Mud and water???? Surely the word swim would be clearer?

Do either of you have hearing issues that might benefit from getting checked?

Edited

I assume M&W is Monday and Wednesday
But other than that I agree with you.

@Mancity08 your OP is so muddled it's hard to know who/what the issue is.

You go swimming Mon and Weds. What do you mean by your DH has Tues and Thurs? Has them for what?
If he asks if you are going for lunch, I'd assume he meant you on your own. Otherwise he'd say "are we going for lunch?" So why ask him where to go?

C10000 · 04/08/2025 23:51

My head hurts after reading that OP

Aout25 · 04/08/2025 23:55

I'm with all the others here, I'm not convinced your DH is the problem.

HÆLTHEPAIN · 05/08/2025 00:10

I understand what OP is saying - it’s not that hard. Maybe she has dyslexia so her wriiten word isn’t as clear as when she’s speaking. Basically, her partner shuts her down or doesn’t engage when she wants to discuss anything, whether it be important or just general.

Like where shall they go out for lunch - always left for OP to decide.

Promising to do DIY but never getting round to it and then being negative and questioning when OP sorts someone else to come and do the job. Complaining about cost when he’s happy to spend a chunk on a car.

OP has told him she’s going swimming on Mon and Weds, thinking he’d do his own activities on the same days (which OP has said is possible), so that they can spend time together on the other days. However the partner is doing them on different days, plus an extra on a Saturday.

Then, when they try and discuss the situation, it ends in arguments.

OP, I don’t know if there’s a name for it but it sounds frustrating. It sounds like he just can’t be arsed to make any effort at all from what you’ve said here. Sadly, there’s only you who can really decide how much of a negative impact that’s having on your life and whether it’s worth carrying on.

FrazzledHippy · 05/08/2025 00:10

OP I think you need to read back over your post and maybe edit it to format it correctly and make it make sense. I don't think you'll get much useful feedback with it in its current (confusing) form.

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