Feeling sick with anxiety since pool incident

[Alejandra5876]

Hi, I am hoping some Mumsnetters can help me get rid of this horrible feeling I've had since yesterday. I was in a small holiday swimming pool with my two sons and another adult family member. DS1 is 13, autistic and can't swim. DS is 10 and can swim. They were playing about in the middle of the pool....DS 2 was putting his head under the water like he was hiding. Suddenly DS1 went out of his depth and we realised that he was clinging on to DS2 for support and weighing him down so he couldn't get his head back up. We swam over...I am pretty short and was out of my depth too so I wasn't much use, but the other adult was able to prise DS1's fingers off DS2 and we got them both out to safety. DS2 had got quite a fright but was physically OK and seems to have recovered mentally too....they were back in the pool today. The other adult also seems to have brushed it off as just a minor incident (it only lasted about 30 seconds and there were other adults nearby who could have helped if needed). I, on the other hand, am trying to pretend I'm OK for the sake of the kids and other family members but I'm not really....I have a bit of anxiety at the best of times and this has pushed the what-ifs off the scale.....

Your eldest needs to wear some kind of floatation device in the water, a bounancy aid or a ring that he can't slip fee from. It's not safe to have him in a pool where he can do quickly get out for his depth.

I'm sorry this happened and I'm glad everyone is okay. Now you know what can happen you can put measures in place to stop anything worse happening in future.

Jesus have we not all had a heart stopping moment where a child seems in danger? Some of these posts are really cruel and unnecessary. OP I once watched in horror as DS 1 climbed up the side of DS 2's high chair and pulled it over onto a tiled floor. No one was hurt (amazingly) but it took me a long time to forgive myself.

I think things like distraction, meditation, yoga can be helpful. Allow yourself to have those horrible thoughts and they are normal, but remind yourself that everyone is ok. I don't think the outcome could have been any different given there were two adults supervising in the pool and noodles at the side. Each time let these thoughts pass and think of three things you are grateful for. It helps to think of positive things when thoughts are spiralling. Talk to others. If you were my friend I would be offering you a cup of tea and all my best stories of how I have failed. You are human. You are a mum. You had a horrible experience and everyone is ok. You are a good mum. It's crystal clear from your post that you are. Remember this.

This is really sensible. We live by the sea so all of the DC around here swim for safety, one of the first things they are taught is how to float and how to stay calm in water

Have a look at Level Water who do specialist swimming sessions for ASD and other disabilities. Dd has ASD and swims very well and now with the SEND section of a swim club- they take kids with high support needs and everyone learns to some extent eventually.

Specialist instruction is quite often needed and a really high ratio of teachers to pupils. Until then, buoyancy aid. And maybe a basic lifesaving skills class for you as well if it would help you to be more confident now around the kids and water?

You may not be able to teach him to swim but the float to live position may be useful.

https://rnli.org/safety/float

my kids have done this to me. I did a lifesaving course and apparently it is common.

It sounds like a very scary experience. Thank goodness you and other adult were on hand to help.

My toddler had a scary experience and almost died. I had regular flash backs about it ans how different it could have been. It did pass though. I think it is normal and will pass for you too.

Oh lovely I hear you 🌸 having a sudden water emergency involving your children is frightening 😢 I would be shaken up too for a while, it’s only natural when you’ve had a big scare like that. Go easy on yourself and mentally plan the next pool session you have together. Would your eldest tolerate arm bands or a floatation vest? I had a pool scare with my DC a couple of years ago and was shaken for a while, there’s something about near misses in water that are really upsetting.

I still shudder from a near drowning experience as a teen while scuba diving abroad. The trainer made a mistake and took us too deep on a training exercise, basically we ran out of air on the ascent. To this day I believe it was only the grace of God that somehow got us to the surface and we didn’t drown. I can still see the surface of the sea from several meters under, knowing there was no way I could make it up there.

Thanks for all the helpful comments....feel a bit better. 😘