How do you women do it?

[Magana]

Seriously?! I'm either really pathetic or every woman that goes through this a superwoman. I've got a 4 year old and 4 month old. Had a c section, mastitis, just been knocked down with suspected horrific COVID that lasted two weeks, and now that I'm finally recovering had a surprise appearance of the worse bleed of my life. I'm talking bleeding through underwear, trousers, sheets. Meanwhile ebf and up all night with little to no sleep.

My body is literally screaming at me that it can't take anymore. Felt like I was going to pass out yesterday from the blood loss (I'm only 5ft) horrendous cramps as well. I have no support. Partner is at full time work. This morning despite being kept up from all the bleeding which was really distressing and constant need to change my pad, I've had to get up and take care of the baby and child. I can barely stand. I want to cry. I want to scream. I just can't cope with this! I don't want to. I find it all so unfair. Why are us women (mums mostly) expected to just get on with things when if it were anyone else they wouldn't have to.

I thought about how if this was my partner in my shoes right now, and he genuinely can't even deal with a cold. He can't function from any lack of sleep. Yet I'm having to. It's making me so resentful, is this what motherhood is? Is this really what I signed myself up for. I want someone to care for me but I just feel like there is no space, resources or time for me to be cared for whether it's by me or someone else.

Rant over

I remember those days well, feels like it will never end. I had no help either. It was incredibly hard and relentless. My husband was out of the house 16 hours a day and I had 3 under 4. I feel for you OP, when you are in the trenches it feels like an endurance test.

Jesus OP do you have any friends, even " mum friends" that you only talk to at toddler groups because if so TELL them. Let someone know so they can help you. Tell MN what town you're in, if you're near me, I'll come and watch the four year old so you can get to the walk in clinic. Sometimes that's how you actually make friends, and you find out who the good people are because they help when they don't have to. If not, can you afford to hire a teenager for 7 pounds an hour to come and play with the four year old while you nap for two hours?

Are you taking iron pills so you don't become anemic from blood loss? Feroglobin is meant to be good, you can't take care of your children of you don't take care of you first. This really is a matter of putting on your mask first.

That sounds v tough OP. I think you should try to rest as much as you can today, if that means the 4yo watches TV all day, that’s fine. Don’t feel guilty about it. Leave the housework. Sit on the sofa with your baby or in bed, just rest your body, even if you’re not sleeping / napping. My kids are early teens now and looking back I wish I’d done this more often when I had an baby and a toddler instead of pushing myself to do things I felt I should when I was in pain and exhausted.

Do you have any friends who could have the 4yo for a couple of hours or anyone who would drop in a bag of shopping for you? I know it’s hard to ask but I think most good friends would be happy to help out if they know you’re struggling!

Oh, this sounds tough, I'm sorry.
Does the 4 year old go to nursery at all? Or could they visit a friend for a few hours?
I would say put the baby down in its cot (regardless whether they want to nap in the day or not) and have a lay down.
All the best things improve for you - I am certain they will soon!

So sorry you're having such a rough time OP. The bleeding sounds absolutely horrific, I really hope it eases up for you. I have 3 children ages 6, 1 and a 1 week old baby, I'm also breastfeeding too so I know the struggle there. Sometimes we're thriving, other times we are just trying to survive another day. Please focus on just getting through the day today and contact your GP re the bleeding as it does sound abnormal. Take care of yourself, rest in the small moments you can and remember to eat and drink as you do sound very unwell and your body needs nourishment.

Women are phenomenal creatures.

We have a resilience and strength that men can only dream of.

Congratulations on your newborn OP and never forget how amazing you are!

Oh bless your heart.

I remember having a newborn and 5year old SEN child. As a single mum.

Are you happy to tell us a rough location? Someone might know a service or charity nearby who could help? Sometimes you can Google your area, and "volunteers", different areas might have different types of volunteering.

You are that strong woman, you just cant see it when youre in it.

I hope you are feeling better today op

That amount of bleeding is not normal. I know it seems like another impossible thing to do, but please try to see a doctor/ do an econsult/ call 111. You are probably already anaemic or you might have an infection

OP have you stopped bleeding now? Honestly, first thing you need to do is get checked by your GP and potentially call 111 - blood loss on top of being ill and recovering from mastitis is going to make you feel very unwell.

You need your DP to stay home one day, he can work extra hours another day to make up for it - you need to rest and recuperate before you fall down. I had a village around me when I had DCs in the same boat and I also felt exhausted and ill, I can't imagine doing it completely alone. You are doing incredibly but don't run yourself into the ground, your babies need you!

Does “Home Start” operate where you are? You are a prime candidate for their services, which are free. You would need to have a very honest (and quickly!) conversation with your health visitor who can make the referral.

my heart goes out to you OP, sound absolutely impossible currently.