How many difficult people do you have in your life?

[totalrocket]

I mean the life-long-confusing to deal with, truculent, boundary-less, extremely difficult people. Not just a garden variety a-hole from work or next door. The kind that probably have some sort of issue going on that is not just you don’t get on with them. People that have caused long term inter-personal problems.

Interested to see how many people have. I had 3, I now have 2.

None 😂 I don’t tolerate this bs. I would say that my mum is quite dysfunctional, but we are NC now anyway.

Now just one. I feel guilty they’re that way almost every day of my life because no one wants to spend time with them, but I know I can’t change the way they behave. It’s such a massive shame it’s come to this when they should be enjoying their family but instead they must be very lonely.

Are you including illness or just awful people? Awful people don't get to be in my life.

I probably mean undiagnosed mental health issues but, as it’s from the lens of the people navigating around them it could also include tricky mental illness. For example, mega sympathy for your diagnosed anxiety or OCD which for me feels sad for you to bear but the main symptoms of the diagnosis don’t affect me but your success in controlling all family interactions might feel impossible? But mainly it’s the ones with things like rejection issues when they try and control you, or the anger issues that are like a dark permacloud? I think people who are receiving help will be easier to deal with somehow as they’ll be more aware as will you?

Thanks for everyone’s replies by the way. I particularly resonate with the people who won’t cut them out. Like I won’t, probably.

One, elderly family member.

Rejects all offers of help with mental health, professional or otherwise, so I have extremely limited sympathy.

If you must bleed all over yourself because you reject a towel to mop it up, fair enough, but don’t come near me.

None

and I never have (or at least if I have, they haven’t been “toxic” to me and I’ve not been aware of them being “toxic” to anyone else)

None. My mum is a bit difficult to deal with now, but only because she has what we think is probably early-stage dementia. Otherwise I've never had any difficult or dysfunctional family members or friends. Dh's lot are largely fine too. MIL has her issues but she's never more than mildly irritating!

Two

Step mother who has been in my life 30+ years. She's part of a Christian cult who believes gay people are sinful. Scratch the surface and there are some pretty awful beliefs underneath. Being around her puts my teeth on edge and if my dad goes first will go NC as soon as I can.

Narcissistic brother who has cheated on every wife and girlfriend he's had but still thinks he's a good guy. Ingrained misogynist who can charm women. I'm very LC with him because he tries to speak to me like I'm an employee. People think he's great until they get burned by him. Women think they can change him. It was like watching the same train wreck happen over and over.

Life is better without them but I still get stressed out if I have to be around them both.

None. I've never really thought about this, but I'm very lucky. All my family (and of course all my friends), are lovely.

Nobody. I was working with 2 people like this (service users) most days but they put me in a potentially dangerous situation so I reported it. They are now accusing me of all sorts of stuff but luckily my managers know they are pathological liars who would bring down their own family to save themselves. It's their loss

Was four, now two.

The two that remain are of DHs chaotic family who we keep at a distance wherever possible but I know it troubles him greatly.

The two of the past were toxic friendships which just had to go: family life was suffering. They were real links to my past and I occasionally regret the loss of them but know I am mourning a rose tinted selective memory of long gone times, not a reality.

My best friend has several family members who are & have always been like this

Three, a parent, a husband and a manager. I’ve gone nc with the parent in the last couple of years. Separated from the husband but still have contact over DC but it’s not as bad as when we were together. Manager will be in the rear view mirror in a few weeks, I can’t wait.

One, my ds' father.

My parents are long gone, and my stalker, who I acquired in year 10 has finally given up (I hope).

DS is 17 so only have a few years left of negotiating money/university with ex. Then I won't need to see him again until ds gets married.

Everyone else in my life is lovely - siblings, friends, neighbours. Even work colleagues are almost all good. It makes a massive difference to the general mood of my life. No source of nastiness. 😊

Same ….i tried to gently, explain a few things, but they just don’t see it ….

Four, all family members.

None - I can't cope with toxic people anymore.

Three, but I'm very good at putting up my boundaries and keeping a distance. I love my mental health more than I love them.

2- an ex neighbour who is 84 and I feel some obligation to see her. Other is a friend who is seriously mentally and physically ill.
I manage these relationships by limiting contact. I won't drop them because they now cause minimal upset. It feels like the right thing to do to keep being friends. And sometimes we have a nice time so not all negative.

My dad can be tricky but he doesn’t cause any issues in day to day life.

Otherwise none.