Why has bedtime suddenly gone to shit?!

[witsendtonight]

Posting here, rather desperately, for traffic.

4yo DD has suddenly decided she’s “not tired” and bedtimes have gone to shit. This has been going on for probably the last month or so.

Bedtimes have always been a bit tricky but never this bad. Before it was usually a result of an unavoidable nap/shutting of eyes in the car at the wrong time etc, but this is something completely different.

She’s consistently staying awake until as late as 11pm some nights. Even on a “good night” it can be after 9.30pm. I’m exhausted, and at my wits end.

routine has largely stayed the same; we go up to her bedroom at about 6.30 for a last little play, clean teeth and stories etc. I try to leave her by about 7.30. She’s then up and out of bed, playing, coming downstairs. I end up shovelling down some dinner then going back in the sit in her room to stop her climbing back out of bed. I’m here now.

What could have triggered this?! I’m thinking maybe the talk of starting big school is on her mind. She’s still in her normal nursery routine in the meantime.

She’s still waking up at about 7am, and some days she looks so tired. She just denies it and says she doesn’t want to sleep!

Any advice or moral support? I feel I’ve completely lost any semblance of an evening and some switch off time, and I’m staying awake much later than I want to!

thanks, wise MN.

My DD just turned 4 and is also going to school in Sept, and I think nursery just isn't knackering her out the the way it used to. We're being more relaxed about bedtime, so sometimes it's as late as putting her into bed at 8:30. Sometimes we split the routine, so she might go up at half 6 and shower and get in her pjs and then come back down again to play and have a snack before bedtime. We used to be absolutely militant about routine and bedtime timings, but we were finding she just wasn't tired enough and it was causing an unnecessary battle. Saying that, we are consistent with the fact that once she's had two stories and her light has been turned out (she has a nightlight), she stays in bed until the morning. The other day she played with some dolls till about half 9! She has a clock that changes colour where you can set the times. E.g., green means she can get up. We've had various points in time where bedtime has been a big battle, so I feel your pain! Personally, I'd decide some changes you need to make so you can keep your sanity (e.g., once she's in her room, she stays there) and then get ready for a week of just following through till she realises you're not going to budge on it. I gave mine lots of praise and cuddles when she did return to bed herself, and in the morning she'd get a sticker if she stayed in bed till her clock changed colour. I'm also making my DD walk everywhere and keeping her active during the day as she needs it in order to be sufficiently tired! Mine is pretty good at playing on her own and we also have no screen time on weekdays so she's cottoned onto the fact that if she plays nicely on her own, she gets to stay up later!

It's hard to say what's causing it as it could be many things.

What I would do though is stop fighting it. As long as she's in her room and quiet(ish) let her crack on. Let her play with toys, read books, listen to an audio book, draw. She can fall asleep when she's ready. Chances are that'll be much earlier than it would be with you sitting there/fighting over it. Plus, you still get an evening.

Thank you both. I hadn’t thought about it before, but I think you may be right about nursery not tiring her out like it used to. I had been banking on school tiring her out, but I had a chat with a friend over the weekend who said her 5yo was knackered when she first started school but had adjusted by the end of the year so was in the same boat!

I tried to be a bit more relaxed last night. I said if she was not tired she could play in her room but she couldn’t come downstairs. That worked to a degree, but she was still awake at 9.30 and I had to sit with her before she finally let herself crash out at about 10pm.

I will keep working on it!