7 year old saying she’s fat - what do I say to her?

[Umthisisabitawkward]

My daughter is sturdily built, she takes after her father. I don’t think she’s overweight, and she eats a really healthy diet where I cook 90% from scratch, no UPF at home and only UPF type ‘treats’ when we’re out with her friends (as I don’t want her to feel left out/different than them). But she’s healthy and strong and (usually) full of joy and confidence.

Unfortunately, all but one of her school friends are the super-willowy, very slight type of 7 year olds, so I think the difference in their body types is being thrown into sharp perspective for her recently. Apparently just before school broke up, one of them called her fat. A few times so far during the first weeks of the summer holidays she’s got terribly upset (seemingly out of the blue, although I know something will have triggered it even though I can’t put my finger on it at the moment) and started saying my body is too fat, I’m fatter than everyone, no one likes me. It’s heartbreaking, she’s so sad about it.

So far, the storm has passed reasonably quickly each time, and she’s back to being her usual sunny self, but in the moment when she’s upset, I REALLY struggle to know what to say to her. We’ve always talked about how peoples bodies come in different shapes and sizes, and how important it is that we keep our bodies healthy and strong and eat foods that are good for them. But that seems like the ‘background’ stuff, and wouldn’t help her feel better ‘in the moment’.

What on earth do I say to her? Each time so far I’ve just sort of gone blank, and just tried to comfort her (whilst frantically sorting through in my head - and rejecting - a ton of different things to say that might help). I’m frightened of getting it wrong and saying something that’ll stick with her, or make her feel worse, or spark off an eating disorder later in life (can you tell I’m an over-thinker?!) Could someone help me with things to say in the moment, that might help?

I'm gobsmaked 7 year olds are calling each other fat I even thought you meant year 7 which is just as bad but slightly less shocking.

Id explain to her whether you and your family ever use that word ( hopefully not ) and say how sad it must be that the girls family or friends must use it.
It's totally irrelevant for growing girls and no one knows how anyone will turn it.
Your DD certainly isn't far and she should feel sorry for the girl who even mentioned the word .

That’s what I thought - I was sort of braced for it when she was a bit older but it seems so young for it all to be starting. I’m not ready!

It happened recently with DD who is 8. A boy at a party called her friend fat and when DD told him that he was mean for saying that he called DD fat (and apparently DD then pushed him down the slide in the bouncy castle)

Anyway she was asking me later was she fat and, like you, I blanked a bit. The thing is, DD is quite petite so I don't think what your daughter actually looks like is the issue as such. It's just a word that the kids know will hurt people.

We just focus on what she can do and how active she is and she forgot about it pretty fast.

I have focused on the importance of being fit, strong and healthy. And that people have different shape bodies, so that doesn't matter, it's just chance.

I remember about that age some of the other school mums would say things to us like "a moment on the lips - a lifetime on the hips!"

That doesn't even make goddamn sense argggg

Anyway it will be coming from the older family members

Just emphasise health - that's the only reason size matters

My son is 10 and we are having similar. It’s been intense and I have spoken to our GP who thinks it may be a way of controlling his other anxieties. Hence the “out of the blue”ness of getting upset. I have noticed though that before he gets upset he does start looking at his tummy and arms and prodding them. I’ve tried to talk to him about how when we look for things we will see them and when he starts to find himself worrying he should do something else. And that bodies change throughout our lives so eating healthy food and moving is the best way to have a healthy body. I have no idea if that’s having any impact or is the right thing to do. Good luck - it’s so worrying x

Thank you all - and sorry that other kids are dealing with this as well. I think I just need to work towards just dealing with it in the moment and not over thinking it too much. The kid who called her fat is a very unhappy child herself, so I guess she’s just found a way to pass the misery on. And I need to keep on talking about health and being able to run and jump and play (she does see me lifting weights etc at home so we talk about how having a strong body is a good thing) It’s so tricky, but I’m determined to get it (mostly!) right!