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Being my friends birth partner

21 replies

Lostonmypath · 01/08/2025 13:55

My friend has asked me to be her birthing partner.
I haven’t ever had a baby and there’s barely any children in my family so I am really not well versed in what I’m meant to be doing!
Shes being induced next week.

Please help!

OP posts:
moose62 · 01/08/2025 14:09

Just be with her, try not be be annoying and say encouraging things!
She will be doing the hard work, you are there for moral support!

ObliviousCoalmine · 01/08/2025 14:28

Try and ask her if she has any boundaries she wants you to help advocate for her. Like if she doesn’t want an episiotomy and that’s a hard line, then she might not be able to communicate that well in the moment.

You’re not there for anything to do with the baby so it doesn’t matter if you’ve had no children, you’re there for her.

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:35

That's a great honour. It's like being asked to be maid of honour, except it actually matters!😂

Bring a couple chargers for her, bring some chapstick and bottles of drink, snacks. She'll bring stuff of course, but having extras is always good. It can take a LONG time, so have stuff to keep you both you occupied during the long boring bits.

Everything else just do what you're asked. Don't ever make it about you, or get the attention taken off of her. If she wants something be her advocate and go ask and get the midwife. If she says no to anyone, listen to HER not anyone else. Repeat what she says, "She said no" so they hear.

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crumblingschools · 01/08/2025 14:36

Are you the only birth partner?

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:37

Don't update anyone that she hasn't told you to update! Don't put anything on social media. If someone tried to hand you the baby before her, ask if she's ok with that.

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:38

Try not to be annoying is actually really good advice!

Lostonmypath · 01/08/2025 14:40

crumblingschools · 01/08/2025 14:36

Are you the only birth partner?

Yep! 🙈

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 14:40

Pack snacks. Water, juice boxes or Capri Suns, cereal bars, raisins, whatever she likes.

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:40

*only because everything is annoying when you're pushing an 8 pound human out of vagina, not because of any assumptions about you!

Lostonmypath · 01/08/2025 14:41

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:35

That's a great honour. It's like being asked to be maid of honour, except it actually matters!😂

Bring a couple chargers for her, bring some chapstick and bottles of drink, snacks. She'll bring stuff of course, but having extras is always good. It can take a LONG time, so have stuff to keep you both you occupied during the long boring bits.

Everything else just do what you're asked. Don't ever make it about you, or get the attention taken off of her. If she wants something be her advocate and go ask and get the midwife. If she says no to anyone, listen to HER not anyone else. Repeat what she says, "She said no" so they hear.

Edited

Brilliant thank you so much!

OP posts:
Didntask · 01/08/2025 14:41

You sound like the perfect birthing partner to me! You're not there to share your experience, you're just there to support her. I didn't even particularly want DH in the room when I had DS 😅.

Lostonmypath · 01/08/2025 14:42

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 14:40

Pack snacks. Water, juice boxes or Capri Suns, cereal bars, raisins, whatever she likes.

I was thinking of bringing little easy to eat snacks like this but just didn’t know if that was the usual thing!

OP posts:
OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:46

Didntask · 01/08/2025 14:41

You sound like the perfect birthing partner to me! You're not there to share your experience, you're just there to support her. I didn't even particularly want DH in the room when I had DS 😅.

Absolutely. Most birthing partners are men who haven't got a clue and have certainly have not given birth but it doesn't stop them walking into it all confident. OP will do great.

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:47

Lostonmypath · 01/08/2025 14:42

I was thinking of bringing little easy to eat snacks like this but just didn’t know if that was the usual thing!

You can never have too much, can you? You just take it home if it doesn't get used but if it does she'll be forever thankful. No, seriously. Ask how many women remember the first cup of tea they were given after the baby! Especially after, it's like running a marathon. You need the calories and drink.

Didntask · 01/08/2025 14:50

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:46

Absolutely. Most birthing partners are men who haven't got a clue and have certainly have not given birth but it doesn't stop them walking into it all confident. OP will do great.

I just didn't want anyone telling me I was 'doing great', being 'proud' of me or cheerleading me on 🤢. I told him to stay up by my head and not say a word. To be fair, he did exactly as I asked 😁

BarnacleBeasley · 01/08/2025 14:55

Get her to go through her birth plan with you and discuss her thoughts about different kinds of pain relief and interventions. When we had DS1 a few of the things I needed to do were: help DP go to the toilet when she needed a poo; tell the midwives when she wanted an epidural; remember everything that had happened and tell her it afterwards, because she was too tired and out of it to remember.

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:55

Oh and a true friend won't ever mention it again after she sees her shit herself.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 14:59

Lostonmypath · 01/08/2025 14:42

I was thinking of bringing little easy to eat snacks like this but just didn’t know if that was the usual thing!

Whether she can or wants to eat or not will depend on how her birth goes, whether she has any interventions, and what her hospital's policy is. Some encourage birthing mothers to eat, others discourage it, some say clear fluids only. Sometimes women vomit in labour and don't want to eat. Sometimes they get up to the postnatal ward and they've just missed a meal and they're absolutely starving and no one brings them anything to eat for absolutely ages.

So I would bring things like: water, clear juice drinks, cereal bars, dried fruit, nuts, maybe some boiled sweets, chocolate raisins, that sort of thing (depending on what she likes, obviously). Chewing gum in case she can't eat but wants to taste something. And for after the baby is born, some emergency rations in case she is starving and can't get a proper meal. Some sort of sandwich with a filling that will survive not being refrigerated for a while. Maybe some pepperonis or something like that.

And I particularly recommend oaty things. Oats are recommended if you are breastfeeding anyway (not sure how reliable the science is behind this) but even if you're not, they're a great energy boost when you're starving during night feeds, and it doesn't feel too much like eating junk food in the middle of the night. A friend of mine gave me a packet of chocolate covered Hobnob flapjacks, which were exactly what I needed at 3am after giving birth. Failing that, any kind of flapjacks, oatmeal and raisin cookies or just a packet of Hobnobs would be great. You can stuff them down in the early hours and kid yourself that it's just like having a bowl of porridge really.

It's not wise to eat particularly strong tasting food immediately before giving birth in case you're sick during labour. Things like curry, fish etc taste really awful coming back up again. I had tinned mackerel mixed with rice as my last meal before going to the hospital, thinking it would give me lots of slow burn energy. All it did was make my sick taste particularly foul. 0/10 would not recommend. If I ever had another baby I'd eat something very bland beforehand, like pasta with butter.

Didntask · 01/08/2025 15:03

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 14:55

Oh and a true friend won't ever mention it again after she sees her shit herself.

Unlike a DH who told everybody 🙄

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/08/2025 15:05

Oh and make sure you take plenty of pictures when the baby is born.

If she has a C-section and you're not allowed to be in the room, ask the anaesthetist to take some. If you're able to take pictures yourself, be sure to get lots of the baby and also pictures of her holding the baby where she doesn't look like absolute shit if possible. Like, if she's feeling really out of it or she looks like she's been though the wars, try to find a flattering angle and take pictures which focus on her and her newborn baby, not on anything she is likely to feel sad or self conscious about. You could even look at pictures of different types of births and get some ideas about how to take nice pictures after a vaginal birth, after a C-section etc.

OneLoudBird · 01/08/2025 15:08

Didntask · 01/08/2025 15:03

Unlike a DH who told everybody 🙄

Mine told the neighbours that I crowned on the toilet. 🙄

@MissScarletInTheBallroom has made a great point about photos.

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