Jealous or justified?

[Justhavingamoantoday]

I’m feeling a bit down this morning and not sure if I’m being unreasonably jealous or if others feel this way too. Basically: I feel a bit envious of others finances sometimes.

DH and I have very middle class jobs and neither of us come from money. My family was quite poor and my mum and dad died young, without a single quid in the bank. DH’s dad was disabled so they lived on his pension and his mum later worked in a working class job. We have both worked hard and lived within our means and scrimped and saved to be able to afford a small house outside of London, but it is older and needs quite a bit of refurb, thankfully structurally sound but very dated and people tell us the interior is ugly (which it is, but it’s clean and tidy and it’s ours). We have two healthy DC and could not be more grateful for that. Holidays are simple UK affairs and we don’t run a car. Clothes come from eBay/vinted/charity shop. Meals are cooked at home from scratch. To be fair, we don’t want much more, and aren’t materialistic. I suppose if we could run a car it would expand our range a bit and we could take our holidays a bit further. Or if I could sometimes buy new clothes to avoid the time consumption of shopping online for the best prices and right sizes, that would be nice! But really I haven’t got much to complain about as I know how much worse it can be.

And yet when I hear from friends or colleagues that their family contributes 50, 60k, 100k or more so they can have their dream home, or their parents gift them a new kitchen, I just feel a bit deflated. It feels like we’ll never get ahead and I worry I’m not passing “enough” on to my DC.

Again I recognise that we have a good situation and are more fortunate than many, but are there others who feel similarly squeezed? It sometimes feels like we’re the only ones.

First of all who on earth are these people who tell you that the interior of your house is ugly? Whoever they are they are rude and unpleasant because that is the height if bad manners.
And honestly given that both you and your H come from financially relatively poor backgrounds with no spare money you have done really really well to have good jobs and to own your own home. You have done that by your own efforts and hard work and you should be proud of yourselves.
Yes it is really galling when you see people who have lifestyles where money isnt an issue because they have been enabled by wealthier families. But that doesnt necessarily mean they are happy. Money doesnt equate with happiness and you don't know what goes on in their lives behind closed doors.
But life is difficult when money is tight and honestly many , many people are finding it so since the cost of living crisis.

Well first off the obligatory "comparison is the theif of joy"

But I think it's normal to feel jealous that other people have an easier ride and can provide more to their children simply because by dint of how rich their parents were.

Try to re-frame your thoughts... When you're house is renovated (ditch the rude 'friends' who call it ugly BTW), however long that takes, you'll have an immense sense of achievement that you both did it yourselves. They'll never have that feeling. Along the way, you and your DH might well learn a load of DIY skills that you can be proud of. And you can help your children with your skills as they become adults in their own homes. Save them money and pass on skills, even if you're not able to pass on ££££

You can be very proud of having middle class jobs and a house. You've got more than you came from.