Asking my baby’s dad for child maintenance for the first time after being born

[Georgia0810]

Does anyone have any advice on how to tell my baby’s dad that he’s just been born and to find out from him if he’s willing to support us financially? He cut us both out his life completely out of the blue a few weeks ago. (I’ve now found out the reason was because he’s been seeing someone else for the past 5 months).
Also baby isn’t here yet, I am still pregnant, he’s due in 4 weeks and just trying to prepare myself! I’ve felt hopeless, confused, absolutely broken and so depressed over the past few weeks not knowing how I’ll ever get through it and I don’t think he’ll even reply, but just so I know in myself I’ve done what I can to let him know he’s been born and I would like to know if he’s going to contribute financially to look after him and how to approach it in 1 message.
Thank you x

Just apply to the child maintenance online once baby is here

and also check out other benefits you can access by going to the turn2us website

id caution against relying on him for your financial survival tho better off earning your own money incase he leaves his job etc

This is good advice. Plan to go back to work as soon as you can. I know it’s probably not what you wanted but that’s how it’s ended up. As @Quitelikeit said, it’s very easy for dads to get out of paying child support, and even if they do, it’s not nearly enough to live off. The only person you can rely on to support you and baby is you.

I’m sorry OP I’d assume he’s not interested and make my own way in life

Op, contact the child maintenance service, l googled the number 0800 171 2345, hope it’s right.
From what l can gather, he can’t just refuse, the CSA (child support agency) will take over and the maintenance will be deducted from his wages, whether he agrees or not.Citizens Advice are really good, put you contact with the relevant agencies.
Yes, don’t let him fob you off.You take care.

Absolutely not. The child is owed parental support from both. Open a CMS claim and let them take it from there. Literally that's it. You don't have to rely on the money, put it in a separate account if you like for exclusive spending on your child (this is not required, btw, it can just go into your general pot that everything comes out of) but absolutely don't write it off.

It's horrible he's turned his back on you whilst you are pregnant that must hurt so much. Don't let him turn his back on his DC. Once born contact child support agency with details of his name, address and employment if you know it. They will work out how much he has to pay for his DC. I would drop him a text when his DC is born in case he wants contact with DC.

Good luck I applied thru child maintenance and never got a penny because somehow he was able to come up with all these debts etc and how he couldn't afford life yet still has the same full-time job 25 years on...After a few months of battling I have up and brought up son on my own

100% apply through the Child Maintenance Service. You don’t need to communicate with him about it, or need contact. You just need to know enough details about him to make the claim, name address DOB. They then go to the HMRC and see how much he is working, they will base the claim on how many nights he has the child. Which will be none at first.

Agree with this. Good luck OP. You will love your baby more than anything ❤️ what a waste of space he is! His loss.

I would let him know the baby is here by text like you will everyone else. Depending on his response to that I'd either ask him directly about the money going forward or just go straight to CMS.
Like it or not he is the father. How he'll be as a father is not looking great right now but the actual child being born does sometimes change things . Take things one day at a time.

Debts are not revelant to CMS claims, so I’m guessing that your ex claimed he was on benefits but even then he should have paid £7 / week. Id encourage you to go back and claim, as long as your son is under 18 and in full time non advanced education .

But I’m afraid it will take A LOT longer than a few months to sort out. My ex is a serial non payer / avoider of child maintenance and I’ve been battling with CMS for years. You need to be very determined with them and take a long term view.

Dont be ridiculous. He made a baby, he contributes. End of.

I would contact the CMS online.
Get it all done in an official capacity so it's done in black and white. No one gets confused, nothing gets misinterpreted. Baby gets financial support from both parents.

Should I give him a chance to pay via direct arrangement first or go straight to CMS? Thank you everyone for your comments so far they’ve been incredibly helpful x

You should register with CMS now and tell them that you would like to agree a family based arrangement. Give them all the details you have on your ex, name, DOB, address, where he works , his job and salary / wages. If you have any paperwork from his work like a payslip or tax return, it will have his national insurance number on it.

They will calculate what he's due to pay - I think they won’t do this until baby is born but I think you can setup your case now. CMS will write to him and tell him what to pay, as long as he pays without hassle they wont put him on “ collect and pay “ which costs him 20% extra. Thats where CMS get an order and his employer has to pay it from his wage.

If you go through CMS they redo the calculations each April, so it goes up he gets a pay rise / promotion/ bonus.

As long as your ex is doing a legit job where he pays tax and NI through his work , CMS can see how much he earns from HMRC - they have access to the live figures .

If he is self employed , gets paid cash in hand or has a dodgy employer, it’s very hard to get any money from them. It’s amazing how many self employed dads with big businesses / fancy cars / large houses / holidays abroad apparently earn £9,000 / year .

In the perfect world, of course you'd go privately and do an agreed arrangement. But if he's completely refusing to have contact with you, I don't see how that will work in this case so you're best off going through CMS once he's born.

I don't want to put a doom and gloom post, but have you thought that he might say that the child is not his, and want you to do DNA testing on the baby to confirm that the child is his.

Depending on how long you were together, I might just be tempted to go it alone to save with the stress of having to put a claim in and then him wanting to visit the child. He may or may not be a good dad but it doesn't look good from what i've read.

I have seen how some of my friends who were happily married till it went wrong and going through divorces, I would have 100% said that their husbands would be decent and understanding with money time etc, but they have been absolutely the opposite and my friends are wishing that they did not have to deal with them for the duration of the childs life till they go to University or get a job.

Please think long and hard as a flaky, uninterested dad is actually worse than no dad for your child.

You can give it all the love and support your child needs.

Good luck

I wouldn't bother trying a direct agreement.. hes backed out already so showing his poor level of responsibility.. just go straight to CMS .,

He’s chosen to cut you out and presumably not talk to you, so I wouldn’t bother with direct, if he doesn’t want contact it makes more sense to go straight to CMS once the baby is born.

Theres no link between child maintenance and access. Children are not pay per view.

He can apply to the courts to see his child even if he doesn't pay a penny Many fathers don't see their kids because they don't want to but they still have to pay child support.

Not claiming maintenance wont stop him being a “ flaky uninterested dad “. My ex Husband doesn't pay for his kids AND hes not interested in them. It's not either/ or.

He doesn't sound like the type to pay to me. What has he bought for the baby? Has he offered to help so you can return to work?

Just go through CMS. CMS will work out the amount and you will have an annual review every month. Money causes tensions and what each person deems a "fair" amount of money differs massively. CMS also take into consideration overnight stays. Have a read online OP.

You will have an annual review each year* not month. Sorry!

I’d assume a man who walked away mid-pregnancy and never looked back isn’t going to support me and also isn’t going to voluntarily support his child so I’d just go straight to CMS.

Unless he’s a high earner the CMS you get won’t be much but it’s better than nothing.