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How do You do it?

4 replies

LionessesRawr · 29/07/2025 04:36

We can’t have children. Maybe ivf at some point would work but right now cancer treatment is top priority. I usually feel ok with it. However we’re on holiday in France with all of my OH’s lovely family; including our nephews (3&1). Tonight DH and I felt a bit tired so we said we’d stop in whilst everyone else goes out for tea. We put the boys to bed and it wasn’t difficult. 3 yr old wakes up and asks for a drink, DH got up to sort him out. I hear him say thank you in such a sweet little voice, and it just broke me.

my husband is an identical twin and our older nephew can’t quite get his head around it so calls DH Uncle Daddy suppose decent logic when you have a man who looks exactly like your dad who everyone is saying is uncle not Daddy.

our nephews are cut and paste versions of my husband and his brother when they were little. I will get over myself because our children may have looked like me but it’s really really hard to see them sometimes? It’s just been a hard day all round with cancer treatment side effects and the reality that at 34 with another 18 months of cancer treatment even if we have IVF I will be (earliest) 36 and who know if it will even work.

OP posts:
Seahorsesplendour · 29/07/2025 08:41

That does sound really difficult I’m sorry you’re going through it & please accept hugs from a stranger !

Hope tomorrow feels a little more manageable

drspouse · 29/07/2025 08:48

Oh gosh, that's a lot to go through, we had multiple miscarriages while my DB was having two perfect daughters who apparently look just like me when younger (especially the older one).
We ended up adopting when I was in my early 40s. We met a family before we adopted who had also adopted due to cancer.

I didn't worry too much about the "looking like us" but I can see why that would be really difficult for you.
I don't have any real issue any more with my nieces being "like us" to be honest, it was harder in the early years. My DM has always gone on about how much such and such a family member looks like me/her/some long dead relative and also how DN1 "gets her anxiety from her [my DM]" but I now just ignore it and she takes the DCs as they are (to some extent).

I really wish you all the best.

LionessesRawr · 29/07/2025 11:53

Thank you both! I do feel a bit better today, both kids have thrown huge tantrums all day which helped a bit!

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MounjaroMounjaro · 29/07/2025 11:56

That sounds incredibly tough. I hope your treatment goes well.

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