Could I be ND? Or are these normal traits?

[MockBatter]

Sometimes I read threads about a trait or behaviour that describes me to a T then realise everyone else on the thread is saying “that’s me, I’m neurodiverse”. I’ve always just thought I was quite intense and highly strung but does the following profile sound more than that?

I suffer from anxiety very badly, usually it’s anticipatory anxiety so before I have to do something. It’s worse about public speaking, travelling, being trapped eg in a plane, on a holiday with others, at a social engagement, in a hairdresser’s or dentist’s chair. All these things I get anxious about are things I voluntarily chose to do much more regularly than most people as I hate the idea of anxiety stopping me. I then ruin my life for 24 hours before each challenge.

I obsess about things. For a few months I will be 100% into something and think about little else. I will become incredibly knowledgable about that thing. If it’s a work project then I do it super efficiently and well.

I worry about what people think of me all the time. I’m very bad at validating myself internally, I seek signs of external validation all the time. I have no real sense of who I am and want to know how people perceive me.

if you have ever been a friend I consider you a very important part of my life. Even if I haven’t seen you in years you feature large in my map of my life. I am therefore incredibly surprised when friends from the past seem to have moved on.

i have an exceptionally poor memory and always have done.

I can’t enjoy sensory stuff like massage, dancing etc. I worry about how I should feel or react and can’t lose myself in the moment at all.

i have a very sensitive sense of smell and find most smells too much.

I am am very addicted to screens and can only control that addiction by locking them in drawers in other rooms. I desperately want to use them less.

I should say I compensate for all the above by pushing myself very hard to succeed. I have a busy social life and a highly successful career. My career involves being able to get people to trust me and listen to me and I’m actually very good at that although I can never believe I am. I give 100% to my career and have risen to the top in a very competitive environment but it totally exhausts me. I work long, long hours to ensure success. I’m married and have kids who are in their teens. My husband and kids laugh at me a lot and tell me I am mad but I think they are fond of some of my quirks, I can never be sure though as I worry so much about what people really think of me.

You could be or you could ‘just’ suffer from anxiety. One post isn’t enough. Look at the DSM 5 criteria.

Thanks I will, although there are quite a few different conditions to look under.

OP, I’m the same.

I think I’m probably autistic, but there’s no point getting diagnosed now. I’m 26 and it won’t change anything.

Thanks. The same as in the same list of behaviours or just the same as in you too aren’t sure whether you are just anxious or whether it’s something more?

Same behaviours. I hate drinking because I worry I’m not acting how I should, I get so anxious and obsessive over things, I can never just relax

I think I am probably too - there's a lot of it in my family. I felt very much as you do OP, when I was younger. Now that I'm much older I can report that a lot of my anxiety has gone away and I generally feel much happier about life. I don't have a solution, just some hope for the future.

Ask AI for some good quality free online quizzes to see if you might meet the diagnostic criteria.
You sound like my sister, who ask autistic traits. She pushes herself to do very high powered work that involves high stakes/a lot of public speaking. She finds it unbearable sometimes but is also compelled to keep going.

I can already see it’s getting a bit easier as I age. I’m mid/late 40s now and cope better with the anxiety although I fear the perimenopause will hit and change all that.

Heightened awareness of ND is a good thing. It means that people who need support are more likely to get it (in theory at least). However, the downside of greater awareness is that many of us are self diagnosing or worse, diagnosing others, without any relevant qualifications or training. In doing so, we are minimising the experiences of people who are ND to the extent that it severely impacts them and their families.

In reality, I’d say most of us have some ND associated traits, but not at a level that it would be diagnosed, or that impacts on your life in a meaningful way. I am scatty, lose my keys 100 times a day, and forget what I was doing the minute I walk out of a room. I don’t like having cuffs on my clothes, and I often hyper focus on work, so on an ADHD scale I’d score probably a bit higher than the average person, but I thrive in a professional career, have a loving family, and a circle of good friends. So, I don’t think I have ADHD, but if I did, it’s not at a level where a diagnosis would make any difference, or would have any value. My partner dislikes social environments, is obsessed with cars and motor racing, and likes routine, so he has some traits associated with autism, but I wouldn’t say he’s autistic. We are like Bert and Ernie 😁

Lots of the things you describe are perfectly normal - it is normal to be anxious before things like public speaking or travelling. It is normal to want to do well at work or a hobby. It is normal to care what other people think of you, and it is normal to want to maintain friendships. Most people are sensitive to some smells (my DS for example can’t stand the smell of vinegar which is in almost every sauce you can think of).

If you are concerned, see your GP in the first instance. Lots of what you describe could be explained by perfectly normal personality characteristics. See, for example, the Big 5 Personality Theory. What you describe is someone who may score lower on emotional stability (therefore higher anxiety) and extraversion, but higher on conscientiousness and agreeableness, than the ‘average’. You could also be ND, but it could be a completely different. condition such as a personality disorder (this is highly unlikely and just an example). What I am saying, is that you don’t need to label yourself and indeed doing so could mean you end up self limiting what you feel you can and can’t do once you put yourself ‘into the box’.

I've drawn the conclusion that as I'm an adult now I'm best acknowledging my strengths and weaknesses - I focus on encouraging things in my life that I'm strong at and addressing my struggles with coping strategies rather than trying to medicate or ignore them (because they don't go away).

In doing this, I suspect I would be diagnosed with ADHD and perhaps some other NDs, but a label won't improve my life. I have found that good therapy has helped me address my anxieties and struggles. I even find recognising them helps a bit and then I've learned and practiced coping strategies which also helps.

I think some people might find a label helpful as part of the recognition process. It's not the path I took but maybe if I didn't have a relatively settled life then it would have been more important to me.

Good luck x

OP - I could have written the same! What does it matter though? I’m sure I’d be diagnosed with ADHD, but really I think it’s just personality and if you are self aware and have learnt what you are good at / not good at a label won’t really make any difference. I don’t like to think about how my life would have been different if I’d had a diagnosis as a child - I think I’d have avoided things (or had other people make assumptions) and probably done less well.

So many people seem to be self diagnosed ND (or god forbid Neuro spicy) that i wonder if actually, ‘ND’ is NT.

To me, they are normal traits. I'm exactly like that and so are most people I know.

You might be thinking "but I do it more than others" and maybe you do, obviously I don't know, but keep in mind you don't know exactly how people feel.

Follow a few "awkward relatable memes" type accounts on Instagram and you'll see everyone feels the same.

I've got to say that yes those traits are compatible with ND traits but of course I'm a randomer on the internet. I am late diagnosed ADHD and think I am probably autistic as well. I am very happy with my neurodivergence and enjoy looking back at my childhood and understanding all the quirks and worries.

In general the traits of ND are also present in NT people but they are much much more so in ND people.

so for example anxiety before public speaking is something that nearly every human being has unless they have done it a lot and got used to it.

it becomes a trait that fits the ND criteria when it is very very bad and has a substantial impact on your life.

so again, we’ve all had the experience of looking in the fridge and thinking what did I come to get. But someone with adhd will do that many many times a day.

and so on.