How to get out of this loneliness funk?

[277777yo]

I just feel so incredibly lonely! Don't think social media helps.

But I see women with amazing partners and friends going out. Leaving their kids now and then and not beating themselves up about it

Im 27. Have a 3yo and 1yo. I feel a bit groundhog day atm? So guilty to admit it but I do. Tantrums. Break up arguments (youngest is very advanced with speech too 🤣) outing, food debates, overtired at 6pm. Bedtime

Then I work 3 days a week. Still feel like I have no clue whats going on and I've been back 9 months! I feel useless. Our team is spread across the country so no office contact.

Just wish I had a group of friends. And stupidly watched sex and the city when the kids were in bed. I know its a fake TV show but I look at the core 4 girls and think I want a little group. Even just 1 or 2 friends ?

I really struggle. I am married. Dh is on the spectrum and in the process of being diagnosed with autism/adhd. But hes obviously shown signs for a while. So sometimes he can seem to dismiss my emotions. He has emotional outbursts which I have to try not trigger. I just feel so alone and sometimes he whines that I nag

I try not to but I do 95% of childcare /children stuff. He works full time long days to provide which i am so grateful for. But I dont have days off when im not working i am actually being important too as im looking after our kids

How do I make friends

Hello
I didn't want to leave this alone!
I can understand what you mean, I had children of that age at the same age as you and never really had a "group". I still don't and I'm 45! I also have a husband who is almost certainly on the spectrum and that exacerbates the loneliness because he's not really sympathetic or brimming over with social skills/friends himself.
My advice is: have you got old school friends you could reconnect with? What about latching on to parents of your children's friends? Is there a nursery/swimming lessons or something you could go to and could chat to people there?
It's exhausting I know but you have to try really hard with people these days I've found.
Good luck.

Also, and I've just re read your post... I say this gently: if you're treading on eggshells around your partner because of his outbursts then you might want to do some thinking about that. It's not on. It's no life for you. You're young. And again, I say this from some experience, which is you may very well wake up in 15 years like me and realise that things could have been much much better, and that you have subjugated yourself for him. I literally didn't realise I was doing that and I've been having some counselling and my eyes have been opening to how much I have normalised quite (very) poor behaviour from my partner. It's extremely sad and I wish someone would have pointed it out to me a long time ago.

Thank you :)

Maybe regarding school friends. Regarding friends of the kids parents, in nursery I never really catch anyone as pickup and drop off times are sporadic!

Its silly I say this about my relationship but I feel like when im older I'll definitely look back and regret this part. We're very room mate like currently which wont help my loneliness and I guess is normal with 2 young kids but with him being on the spectrum its hard. Im sorry I dont want to discriminate but it is. For example the kids fall graze their knee and they cry, he asks them are they okay? Doesnt pick them up give them kisses or cuddles. Hes always been low on physical affection

But I worry if I leave in a the grass is always greener type of hope, we share custody then he has the kids alone. Im not saying anyone who is on the spectrum isn't a good parent, talking about DH alone, nd id be worried leaving them with him and them feeling sad and likenthey don't get comfort etc

Both kids want me when theyre nervous scared etc which is normal but I do think him being very distant as a person doesn't help