ILs turning up on our holiday

[holidayhelp54321]

Just wanting to vent, really.

My ILs have turned up on our holiday again. This is at least the third year of it happening now. Same resort town, same (small) site. We’re lucky enough to have ten days here and they’ll be here for a week of it. We thought we were crossing over for a day before their onward journey, which would’ve been OK, but they’ve booked for a week.

I’ve really looked forward to some proper family time with DH and DS after a stressful few months, and it changes the whole vibe of the holiday. Even if we don’t spend time with them, they’re around the site. I’ve found MIL to be overbearing with DS since he was born, and it feels like this is another way that I or my wants don’t matter in their family. They and DH are ‘the family’, and they don’t see us as an adult partnership in our own right, even though we’re married with a baby.

Sorry to whinge, just wanted to let off steam. We managed one night here by ourselves before they arrived.

Seems like your DH tells them. Is it the case that he puts his mother first and doesn't want to upset her in any way - even if he dreads her (and his father) gatecrashing. Watch that carefully.

Did they just turn up, or did they tell you beforehand? Someone told them the name of the place, and my bet is on your enmeshed DH. Probably. Unless you can fill us in on other reasons.

Yep, it's down to your DH.
For the longer term I'd say don't tell them where you're going.

Not a lot you can do except stop telling them where/when you are going on holiday.

How on earth is this the 3rd time this has happened?!

If you haven't told them, clearly your DH has. He knows your thoughts on this? The in-laws clearly seem to think they're welcome. Sounds like a DH problem.

If you haven't already done this it sounds as if you should take this serious matter up with your DH.
If he's been smothered by his DM his whole life then you can bet that she will find out and he will tell her when and where and how long your holiday will be.
Have that conversation with DH.
Having to share your family holiday with your ILS is most certainly not fair.

I would ask them why they keep hijacking your holidays, your DH obviously wonts, so you need to tell them!

Why are they still told when and where you are going on holiday?

They showed after doing this the first time that they can't be trusted to respect your privacy (for a family holiday) and boundaries. So stop telling them and start booking somewhere different. Then they won't be able to do this. It is a totally avoidable situation.

Is it DH who is telling them whilst knowing what they will do? I'd come down on him like an absolute ton of bricks for that. Or are both of you talking carelessly in front of them? In which case stop.

“We thought…” I’m willing to bet significant money that ‘we’ didn’t think anything. Your DH is the issue here.

What an absolute nightmare. Why do you keep telling them when and where you are going?

Wow that's bloody terrible op.
Your dh needs to keep bloody quiet in future... I hope he knows it's his fault. Presumably you didn't tell them the exact details?

Why didn't you say anything to them on the previous times?!

I wouldn’t stand for this. My MIL would do the same thing if she could. It’s a complete lack of consideration as to how you may feel. Forcing themselves on you. Your DH needs to make it clear it is a family holiday and you won’t be spending time with them.

stop telling them your plans? Or tell your husband not to.

Seems like your DH tells them. Is it the case that he puts his mother first and doesn't want to upset her in any way - even if he dreads her (and his father) gatecrashing. Watch that carefully.

So many men are really lily-livered when it comes to their female relatives

She turned up, abroad???

Who’s telling them where you are going and when?

I agree not telling them about your plans, but how does your DH respond if you say it’s not appropriate?

I'd be furious and tempted to leave. That is unforgiveable. In future do not tell anyone where you will be holidaying. If necessary, don't tell your partner, make it a surprise destination that only you know, until the day of departure.

What the f* is wrong with some people that they intrude and hound you even on your family holiday. Are they completely selfish or just stupid.

Why on earth do you/your DH keep telling them!?

By the 3rd time, this is absolutely your own fault.

My sister had this problem with her partner's first wife...even 15 years after they had been married, it continued to happen, because one of his children would let it slip, so they stopped telling anyone, bar me. After that they had fabulous holidays and he no longer told his children where and when they were going away.

It is an absolute nightmare and I can totally understand how annoyed you must be @holidayhelp54321

What happened OP?

What mug keeps telling them where you're going?

If it's your husband, tell him to stop doing it and if he won't, tell him you've booked somewhere else and don't tell him the truth until the ILs have booked the same place.