To go home or stay put? Teenagers!

[Nestingbirds]

I have a dilemma.

We have lived in the country for 15 years, raised our children in the village and have a lovely set of friends here. It is quiet, but enjoyable with a good quality of life. I always thought we would stay.

Dh and my family come from SE. We still have friends there, although not as many as here. One of my parents is now really unwell.
DC1 is now in third year of uni and says she ‘hates’ coming home, it is soulless and boring, and she has no chance of finding a job. She is actively grumpy and miserable.

DC2 is finishing her A levels this year, she has a wide circle of friends and is settled here. She will be going to uni in September.

Dh would have more job opportunities if we lived closer to the city. He works remotely 3 days a week.

Is it best to move next year to a location closer to London? That way I can offer support to family members, offer dc a home with a reasonable commute and I guess there is longevity in that choice.

It would mean giving up a lovely set of friends I have here, that have been so good to me. I do have friends in home town, but I feel like I have ‘grown up’ with the friends here. There is a possibility of buying two very small houses in each place, but I am not sure if that’s a good idea. We would have one maybe as a weekend home for dh and I. They would be very modest. Or do we just buy a larger family house in our home town or stay here?

If you have experiences of young adults and their needs, what to expect from this next stage I would be really grateful!

OP, this makes me think of Escape to the Country where a recently retired couple want to live in the middle of nowhere and it has disaster written all over it!

Your children will be living with you or spending a lot of time with you for many years to come. Your husband could get a job in your hometown. Your parents live there and will be needing more and more help as they get older.

Your current location won't suit you long term. It's far better if you move when you're younger so that you can make new friends in the city. You will need public transport and nearby shops and a choice of hospitals etc as you get older. I'd look to move once the youngest goes to university.

No - why move for your child who would be leaving home permanently anyway? The ‘boredom’ of home encourages this! I left at 17 and did the odd couple months at home on occasion but never moved back and certainly would not have expected my parents to move! Yes rent is high but you cut your cloth to suit your means.

lol at some the responses, lots of adult dc have to live at home for years to save up for a house deposit.

I'm a londoner, every single one of my friends moved back to parents after uni...

by friends I mean my friends who I grew up
with.

My DDs weren't keen to stay in our home town after uni as they felt it was too quiet and there were no graduate jobs. We understood this. Both moved to London for their first jobs while we remained in our quiet area of Scotland. Now one has moved to a Scottish city and one to a city in northern England. We would never have moved and neither would they have expected us to. As adults they made their own choices, just as we made ours. Surely that is how it is suppose to work?

As adults they made their own choices, just as we made ours. Surely that is how it is suppose to work?

That's how it should work but due to housing costs and wage stagnation unfortunately it doesn't really. It's very different now to when you were young but surely you know this ...

I feel like half of these messages are from a time warp or those with such affluence they can bankroll multiple houses/or live within commuting distance therefore given said child confidence to trial living arrangements without compromising their job.

I am grateful for the realists on here giving good advice, and understanding what it is like in 2025.

@Nestingbirds The problem is the average MNs is 50 plus so it skews a lot of debate in an unexpected way.

Don't base it on your DC - they are of an age when they will vanish like snow in summer before you know it. And you will have left your social circle and comfort zone for nothing.

If you want to move then move, but don't do it for the children who will cease to be part of the equation very soon.

Cease to be part of the equation? I don’t have a single friend, and we have around 20 families plus others know in our circle, and not a single adult child has moved out. Not one.

They have all finished uni and either come home and commute. Or they have taken jobs close to their family home or moved in with relatives in London. These kids are on low starting/grad wages despite having great degrees. They are in masses of debt already thanks to the uni fees and COL.

So in what decade did your dc just evaporate at 21?