His stuff is still in my loft

[cadburyegg]

Exh moved out 30 November 2020. Over the next 2/3 years he used to come and pick stuff up when he felt like it. I let him tbh. I felt guilty (break up instigated by me) and I knew he didn’t have a lot of storage. End of 2023 I remortgaged and bought him out. I got a bit harder after that and started packing some of his stuff myself. Eventually I told him he had to get all of his stuff out of the house. He dragged his feet but January this year he finally hired a van and cleared everything out.

Or so I thought. Just been up in the loft and there is LOADS of books, a keyboard, rubbish (including empty drink cans from when he used to work up there WTF), a desk. I could go on. Easily a whole room’s worth of stuff just scattered all over the floor. I burst into tears. I feel like I’m never going to be rid of him!!!! I have text him asking him to clear it out which I’m sure is going to go down like a fucking lead balloon. It upsets me so much. He has clearly taken everything that is worth something or that he wants and left the rubbish / what he doesn’t want for me to deal with. I know it’s not a big deal in the grand scheme of things but it’s just the disrespect. I’m so pissed off.

Why on earth did you text him?

bag it in bin bags and dump it in your bin

Just give him a date and if it’s not cleared by then bin it or take it to the tip. Give him 2 or 3 weeks notice and then get rid. You’ve held it long enough

Surprised you didn’t go up there to check post him clearing. Supposedly

I wouldn’t give him a date!

it’s rubbish by sounds of it.

Bin it.

its the principle of it. It’s an afternoon’s worth of time to bag it all up and take it to the tip and I’ll have to do it when he has the children. I don’t have a huge amount of spare time as it is and it angers me that now I’m going to have to spend it clearing HIS stuff

Son's ex used him as free storage for some months after she moved out. He was at university at the time and living in a flat owned by me. We came to visit him and it was then that we saw the problem! I emailed her and told her that she had until date x to remove her stuff. After that I would regard anything left as abandoned and would dispose of it. She came and picked her stuff up pretty quickly.

My Mum still had a load of my Dads crap in her loft when she died, 20 odd years after they'd divorced. She'd asked him to pick it up many many times and he'd always had some excuse. She couldn't bring herself to chuck it out herself, didn't want to be the bad guy.

Stuff he really cared about too, old family photo albums, a load of Vinyl, a guitar.

When I was clearing out her house, I didn't bother trying to get him to take it. I knew it would just end up in my loft. So most of it ended up down the tip. I gave the guitar away, took the Vinyl to a charity shop. I have got some of the photo albums and stuff in my attic, but I've not told him that.

Took him 3 years to ask what I'd done with it, and I denied all knowledge. He flipped his fucking lid. Blamed me, blamed my Mum, said we'd chucked away his life. Fuck him, he had 20 odd years to reclaim it.

Took him 3 years to ask what I'd done with it, and I denied all knowledge. He flipped his fucking lid. Blamed me, blamed my Mum, said we'd chucked away his life. Fuck him, he had 20 odd years to reclaim it.

Jesus, what a fucking nerve! I hope you told him he could have picked it up anytime if it was important.

When I bought my house, the (fuckwit) guy I bought it from wanted to leave a large kayak in the small garden. I said no, so he put it in the shared alley. tripped over the thing taking the bins out. Multiple polite requests were ignored until I left a message that he had until the end of a particular day or I would take it to the dump. It was gone that day. The entitlement was shocking.

I would have sent him a photo or the mess and said “You’re a dirty cunt, and an entitled fucker wanting someone else to clean up your disgusting mess. I’m so glad to be rid of you.”

He didn’t “really care about it” at all

I would have taken it to the tip. You told him in January and you thought he had done it. I would not have text him either. He is either keeping stuff up there for contact reasons or can’t be bothered to organise so has avoided. Send him a date for very soon or tell him it will be gone. Annoying you are having to do his work but this is possibly one of the reasons you are not together!

I know you have to bag it up and take it down and this would add a layer of organisation (and cost) to that, but how about sorting a man with a van and getting it dumped at his front door?
Give him three days' notice.

Sorry, I know that's not worth doing, but fun to think about. What a pig.

Bag it up gradually and bin it.

Tell him you have found a buyer for the keyboard and if he still wants it he needs to collect it on Monday night as they are collecting on Tuesday.

A friends of a friend left his car on his exes drive, not moving, for 18 months. She had it towed and crushed.

I’d bin it without giving him any more chances to come and pick it up. If he ever asks just say ‘You took everything in January’

Treat the act of getting rid of it all as finally getting rid of him from your life and your mind. Heaving his stuff into a skip at the tip with as much force as you can is hugely satisfying. Trust me, I’ve done it.

You’ve been living with it up there for years
so you don’t need to clear it in one day

just clear a few bin bags of stuff today and dump and bin, then maybe another few another time… and so on

Well if he has the children, he can take stuff when he collects them - you don't need to take to tip/charity. Leave it outside your door and tell him you'll get the kids things ready while he's loading the car, just let you know when he's ready and shut the door in his face,

Sell it on Facebook or Gumtree.

Bag it up and leave it on his doorstep

Don’t go to the effort
sounds like junk
to take photos and upload and arrange pick up for a couple of quid if that. Not worth it

bin

He won’t do it. Will shrug and walk away.

better just to bin

I doubt he will bag and bin it himself. He’s left it for you to tidy.

I adopted the attitude that one afternoon clearing was better than the angst month after month.

Fed up of messaging him I put all of his stuff, in bags beside the bins and sent him a photo with a reminder of bin collection date.

The stuff went! ( either collected by him, or by the bin men 🤷‍♀️) Job done.

Playing devils advocate here but if you’ve not realised in 6 months that there was stuff of his in the attic, could he have done the same? I have a similar situation to you with ex having moved out about 5 years ago initially in temporary accommodation so I kept his stuff until he was settled. He did eventually collect most of it after a lot of reminders and an ultimatum, but didn’t search through the attic. Even now I occasionally find stuff of his if I’m having a rummage up there and I always offer it to him despite it legally being mine now (we are divorced). I would hate it if the tables were turned and my ex threw away stuff of mine because they were hidden at the back of the attic and I hadn’t seen them.