That feeling when you are an Outsider

[AbsentGardener1000]

Just a vent really, not looking for any miracle solutions as have been thro multiple types of therapy etc etc.

If you've felt it you'll know the feeling....everyone around you seems connected somehow but you don't quite fit somehow. They are all circles who somehow found themselves in circledom while you are the square who is a shape but not the 'right' one in that place, doesn't quite fit. Its like looking into a live snow globe Christmas scene where everyone is cheery and chatty but there's some sort of barrier and you just can't seem to get into the scene. Too quiet..
not quiet enough....too chatty....not chatty enough. And yet on rare occasions you find yourself in squaredom and you fit and all is right with the world. Emphasis on rare as the stars and the planets and whole universe seems to have to pivot for it to happen.

Have accepted it mostly and make the most of everything. Just some times like now I would love to be a circle.

Hello fellow circles if you identify with any of this. When you know you know!

Hello fellow square. I get it.

I get it too. I always feel a step behind everyone. They get the joke but I don’t! I’m used to it now and just go my own sweet way and don’t worry about other people.

Cheer up. I have always been chased for friends, company etc but I dislike women's trash, gossip, cliques and empty conversations. Since I remember myself, I always loved ideas, learning, an actual interesting conversation, even for coffee meet up, yes.

I have chosen solitude over and over again and when the amazing individuals which are actually conversing and not slandering others, appear, I do take them by the horns. The stories to tell.

Live your own deep and interesting life, giving two hoots about the fitting in ones

I totally get this. Now that I understand that I have adhd it’s made it less painful, which means I’m less tense and less likely to mask. Conversely this has made me feel more accepted. I overthink a bit less now too.

Do you have a theory as to why your shape is different?

Ugh I meant hello fellow Squares and can't edit!

Appreciate the replies. I knew there were more of me!

@TheGentleButFirmMadonna I know you mean well but I've been told to "cheer up" and "it might never happen" when ive strayed into circledom that those words are like nails scraping across a blackboard.

@toomanyducks yes I believe that neurodiversity is at play. After a lifetime of trying to fix myself it was a relief to see the pattern and understand myself but sadness too at how it limits life unless you can mould yourself into a circle.

I totally get this. I have been a square my entire life. I'm nice, helpful and kind. A team player but I have never quite been a fit with the different groups I've come across in life. I used to feel like I was looking through a window at all these people getting on and socialising while I would chat etc but never part of the group. I've got used to it as I've aged and I'm ok with it now. I accept myself for what I am and enjoy the acquaintances I have to chat to in daily life. I'm a square in a circle world and that is ok.

@Getupat8amnow exactly that word for word!

Can I ask if sometimes it isn't ok and the acceptance is gone? Am there at the moment. Will come from it as usual but its a challenge.

Totally understand. I've felt like this all of my life. I'm not bothered by it now as I enjoy my own company.

It might never happen....you are sure came from my post ??

If you always make up things which people didn't say or type, as there is a proof here, black on white, then no wonder you don't fit ....you don't want to probably and make assumptions about others before even being in their company for long.

My comment upthread has two likes so it probably other people on the thread don't think my post is a scraping nail.

You are bringing it on yourself , so therefore cheer up and give people some chance

Yes I'm the same.Better with one on ones.
I also get on better with blokes more straight forward less likely to gossip.
Recently diagnosed ADHD with autistic traits.

OP is clearly not saying that ‘it might never happen’ came from you, they are just giving another example of the type of thing that people say like ‘cheer up’ that’s patronising and frustrating. You don’t know anything about OP yet here you are making your own set of unkind assumptions

I’m a fellow square too! 👋 I’ve always had friends but I’ve never been part of any ‘group’. I chat to the school mums and even go for coffee occasionally, but I’m well aware there is a WhatsApp chat I’m not part of.
Any group I’m in I will always be on the periphery. Other people seem to bond and make friends so easily, but people always seem awkward and disinterested around me. Other people enjoy long conversations and text chats, but no one seems to have the time for me. I just don’t have the social energy others have.
Im now in my mid 40s and have accepted it will never change. No diagnosis, it’s just who I am. It’s nice to know after all this time I’m not the only one.

@TheGentleButFirmMadonna nothing personal to you, hopefully you meant it with empathy, but as a reply up thread already said, one liners like "cheer up" dont create cheer.

To everyone who has replied and anyone reading who can identify with this i wish you every good wish.

Ah yes, the square person in a circle world.

felt like this all my life. I do have some friends and some acquaintances and they are lovely to chat too and share some experiences but now and again I’m reminded, sometimes quite painfully, that I am a square and my place is on the edge of the circle.

im in my late 40s now and I do accept it, I’ve always enjoyed my own company which helps. I’m on my own too, I don’t post much on social media these days either.

I just don’t really fit in with people, I’ve tried groups, hobby groups, well being groups and while I get on there I’m still on the edge.

im also adhd/asd

I'm like this, OP and I don't feel much acceptance, I just feel sad and a lot of the time desperately lonely. It's got worse as I've got older. I got diagnosed as autistic last year and yes, it makes sense now, but it doesn't make it any easier.

I had to pretend not to be a square all my life. School. Work. Couldn’t stand being in groups of people but I survived. You learn the tricks. Retired now and I don’t see anyone I don’t want to see or go anywhere I don’t have to go.

OP, literally everyone feels like this.

Fellow square here! This resonates with me. I've joined various groups over the years but never seem to quite fit in. I'm usually the one who's name no one remembers! I know lots of people and am better meeting individuals for coffee etc but veer away from group meet ups now. I used to be desperate to be accepted into a group but am coming to the conclusion that I'm happier as I am.

one liners like "cheer up" dont create cheer.

What, not even when accompanied by a grimace and/or eye roll? ;)

They truly literally do not.

Fortunately as a teenager, I realised that I quite liked being a parallelogram. I liked me, and the plethora of interesting stuff I was into and it didn't usually matter what the circles thought about me. Half of them seemed to be semi-circles needing each other to make complete personalities anyway.

If I wanted to do a club, I'd do it. I didn't need my hand holding, but everyone else seemed to need to do it in a pack. People often don't seem to know what to with someone who'll do things by themself. I love company, I'm just not going to restrict myself if it's not avaliable.

As I got up the school and groupings became more varied across the year group, it got easier to tag along with other miscellaneous shapes, but I still wasn't integral to the tribe. The grungy "alternatives" were more accepting than the trendies, but I wasn't in to their scene either, I was just me, liking and doing me stuff however uncool it was.

The deep, enduring friendships I have have been through doing things where we've had chance to be immersed in our hobbies, but it's not tribal, it's having space for our variety to slot around each other like crazy paving. Things like work, toddler groups and school runs have never gone past superficial, pleasant aquaintances, and I've very often felt like my face doesn't fit which does get tedious.

I seem to know a disproportion of ND people or people with ND children... and DS is very ND...

@BogRollBOGOF am emotional reading your reply, so so so true. That's where I aspire to arrive at.