Introvert advice needed!

[MN224]

My DD15 is an introvert. Great grade A student, plays sports, helps in the house. She doesn’t socialise outside of school/sports and won’t see her few friends over the summer holidays. As an extrovert I find this difficult. Can you please advise if you were in a similar scenario how you dealt with this, or perhaps if you are also the parent of an introvert? I just feel she is missing out on so much. My best summers were when I was 15/16!!

Is she happy?

Yes she seems content. Although I think she would like to be invited out to places. She sees her peers on social media out and about and says think she envies that.

Being an introvert does not mean that there is something wrong with you.

I know that it is difficult for extroverts to be able to comprehend, but it is very much true. There are few things worse for an introvert than the company of lots of people, enforced jollity or being cajoled into something you would prefer to avoid.

Why on earth do you think this needs fixing? Introverts don't go around telling extroverts that they need to explore their inner world more, but for some reason extraverts seem to think it's OK to want introverts to get out more.

If she actually wants to get out more you could explain to her the sort of behaviours that are likely to make this happen. Quite often introverts naturally socialise less, so they're not so skilled at picking up social cues, and having them spelt out can help.

I’d leave her alone and focus on processing your own feelings about it. What do you find difficult about it? Does feeling like you’re missing out drive you to seek company/things to do?

Introverts aren't necessarily shy or antisocial they like doing things and seeing their friends they just need a bit more time alone at home to recharge. So if she would like to be out and doing some of these things she might have to be a bit more proactive. She could also be shy or have a bit of social anxiety which can be something extroverts struggle with as well. If she's a genuine loner who prefers her own company then she'll not feel like she is missing out. I am an introvert and a bit of a loner but my social needs were a good bit higher in my teens and I did push myself to get out and about more often.

Does she speak to her friends online/phone?
Are her friends welcome to come over and spend time at your house?
Is there any events/conventions coming up that you think her and her friends might like to go too? If so, can you offer to drive them there if they want to spend the day?
She might just need some encouragement. I did at that age. But equally I was working part time, nearly full time during the summer and preferred gaming with my friends rather than going out most of the time.

As an introvert, I like a lot of time on my own. I DO enjoy seeing friends, but one at a time. Not in a group.

I don't think I could spend a whole 6 weeks alone, but certainly a week or 2.

At this point in the school year, I was peopled out. I’d have spent all day every day with large numbers of people, then had family at home every evening, and I’d be so tired and so relieved to have some time to myself to recharge.

It may be that later in the holiday she’ll want to go out, or spend more time, with others, but it’s likely to be one or two people, not large groups. Can you - in a week or two - have a chat with her about whether this is something she’d like, and how it could happen?

She only really has one best friend who doesn’t go to her school and she will chat to her via Snapchat daily and meet up maybe twice a month. It’s the girls in school she won’t put herself forward with to arrange a meet up. She has a younger sister and they would go into town shopping or for a walk in the evening etc. so I wouldn’t describe her being alone. She def has social anxiety and has described chatting to peers in school hard as she doesn’t really know what to talk about apart from school work. However she can talk much easier with adults! Perhaps she’s just older than her years.

I really need to hear this as a massive extrovert with a huge number of friends and many stranded social life. Lots of very close friends and lots of less close but fun friends. I find it very hard to see DD have 3 friends, that she almost never sees outside of school.

I think of all the parties and adventures I had, teams I joined, sports I did and see her reading and watching some programme about old cars with her Dad and worry that is all has. I also read a lot and watch niche programmes with my Dad but have the whole other bit too

I never say anything other than offer her to invite friends round or suggest inviting friends to family activities (which she does sometimes do).

She seems happy but I just hope she doesn't look back as some of my more straight lasied friends do and wish she had done more when she was young and free.

I could have written this. I just hope our DDs are happy and content, and I truly think they are, …..and maybe spread their wings a bit as they get older.

Try not to worry too much. You say she's happy and interacting with the family which is good. I've got two introverted children and two are extroverted. Both my introverted children have both found their own social circle eventually.

What does she do all day?
DD will keep herself busy with climbing (on her own), drawing, jigsaws, Xbox, baking etc. she seems happy but I look at my 83 year old mum and she is doing more exciting things than her GD.

Helps me around the house, watches TV, plays PlayStation with younger sibling, runs 5k every other day. She volunteers a couple of hours a week coaching football.

Sounds similar! Dd also refs football.
She seems happy as does yours. We are probably the problem 😁. Apparently wanting to go out 4 times a week is over the top!

My youngest is now 20 he loves playing pool. He works full time and then plays pool with a friend. He's happy.