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Constant fear of death and dying

15 replies

Sellingsunsets · 23/07/2025 23:27

I've suffered with anxiety for many years and more recently been diagnosed with OCD. Sometimes I'm well and other times I become very unwell and hyper focused on themes. One of my main themes seems to be this intense fear of death and dying. I find myself constantly thinking about yh infact that one day I will cease to exist and I can't comprehend it. It makes me feel sick and makes my blood run cold, I can't explain the physical reaction of dread this brings to me. How an I make it stop, it's becoming unbearable and taking over my life. I already take meds and have therapy which seems to be unaffective. It's debilitating.

OP posts:
DarkLion · 23/07/2025 23:34

I’m so sorry op I wish I knew the answer as did think maybe therapy will help but you said you don’t find it useful.

i used to be terrified when I was younger and now I’m a nurse regularly doing end of life care as part of my job. I also lost my mum last year and she was only 57 and although she ceased to exist, memories and love remain and are stronger than the other. I never let anyone leave this life alone as none of us came into it alone and I try and see it as a cycle of life. We cease to exist but new life is born. I try and make death as good experience as I can and make sure people are not uncomfortable and in pain and surrounded by the things they love as we have a little bit of control over that. Death is truly the only guarantee in life and hope I haven’t made you feel worse by saying this but I work with the elderly and alongside palliative care nurses and we honestly make it our mission to try and ensure people do not fear death and are well informed to make their own choices and be comfortable. If you fear death so much, you will lose living your life to the full, and in the end that’s what matters, enjoying your life, embracing the opportunity that not everybody gets before we do leave this world. Sending love and I really hope you find a bit more of a solution 💐

Standardpain · 23/07/2025 23:35

Yes I totally sympathise with this OP.

Since my early teens I've obsessed over death. Until recently I thought and worried about it every day. And often have got into a blind panic terrified of the thought of no longer existing. And the thought of nothingness. I used to run the house in total terror at the thought.

The only thing that's helped me , ironically, is that these past few years life has been so difficult the thought of death has become an idea of a welcome release for me. And an idea that it might bring peace .

It's a horrible thing for you to have to deal with OP.

Sellingsunsets · 23/07/2025 23:39

I'm only 32 and I've already washed years of my life being anxious, depressed and worrying about every little thing. It's taken over my life. I feel like I'm having a stressful time in my life right now and th anxiety and fear has ramped up. I have a 3yo DS who has additional needs and the thoughts consume me that I'll die and not be here to take care of him. I'm scared to do anything through fear now. Even going out of the house, or even just being at home, can't do housework, can't do any strenuous activities through fear I'll drop dead. I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want my son to pick up on my behaviour and become a nervous wreck like me but I can't help it. The thought I'm going to die just going over and over in my head

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Summer124 · 23/07/2025 23:45

Aww OP sorry I have no advice but I can relate. I am in my 30s and a single mum to a toddler who has special needs. I always have anxiety about the future and what will happen to my child if I'm not there.

Standardpain · 23/07/2025 23:46

Who have you talked to irl about your overwhelming fear OP?
Have you talked to any mental health specialists about it?

Igotjelly · 23/07/2025 23:51

Just wanted to offer a handhold. I suffer from anxiety too and similarly was recently diagnosed with OCD. My themes are similar to yours but more around the end of the world and the end of human civilisation. I hear you when you say it’s absolutely debilitating. I also find, and sounds similar to yours, that when life is stressful in other areas that it exacerbates the OCD and anxiety symptoms.

To be honest therapy absolutely saved my life but it took time to find the right therapist (I went through 3 or 4 before I got there). I’ve since done exposure therapy and it’s been life changing.

More than anything I just wanted to let you know you aren’t alone ❤️

Sellingsunsets · 23/07/2025 23:52

Standardpain · 23/07/2025 23:46

Who have you talked to irl about your overwhelming fear OP?
Have you talked to any mental health specialists about it?

Yes I've been under the care of CMHT and they just say it's one of my OCD "themes" and to use coping strategies etc infact they recently said I don't need their help anymore and am well enough to be under my gp but I have their crisis line still just in case.

OP posts:
Loveshine · 23/07/2025 23:58

EMDR really helped me with this. It's still there and I occasionally wake up having panic attacks about it but it's so much less than it used to be. I can enjoy life without it being in my every waking, and sleeping, thought.

winewolfhowls · 23/07/2025 23:58

DarkLion · 23/07/2025 23:34

I’m so sorry op I wish I knew the answer as did think maybe therapy will help but you said you don’t find it useful.

i used to be terrified when I was younger and now I’m a nurse regularly doing end of life care as part of my job. I also lost my mum last year and she was only 57 and although she ceased to exist, memories and love remain and are stronger than the other. I never let anyone leave this life alone as none of us came into it alone and I try and see it as a cycle of life. We cease to exist but new life is born. I try and make death as good experience as I can and make sure people are not uncomfortable and in pain and surrounded by the things they love as we have a little bit of control over that. Death is truly the only guarantee in life and hope I haven’t made you feel worse by saying this but I work with the elderly and alongside palliative care nurses and we honestly make it our mission to try and ensure people do not fear death and are well informed to make their own choices and be comfortable. If you fear death so much, you will lose living your life to the full, and in the end that’s what matters, enjoying your life, embracing the opportunity that not everybody gets before we do leave this world. Sending love and I really hope you find a bit more of a solution 💐

This is such a lovely post.

CrayonRaymond · 24/07/2025 07:27

I used to believe that there was nothing after death - that was it.

However since the age of 25 I’ve seen too many signs from too many different people who’ve passed not to believe that there is something after death - the people we love who’ve passed continue to love and support us even after they’ve died. We just have to tune into it.

I ‘spoke’ to my dead Dad 4 years ago - said I was struggling and could he please give SOME kind of sign of support? Within 12 hours he did …

Those we love who’ve passed don’t waste time when we genuinely need help !! ❤️

MyNameIst · 24/07/2025 07:39

Sorry to here this, I am a worrier though not to this scale and I do empathise. It sounds a bit like your brain won't let you stop thinking about it, as thinking about it is (seems like) the only way to control it, like keep your enemy in plain sight type thing. It sounds an exhausting way to live though as you have identified.

I used to worry a lot and truth is none of us know where or when something will happen, it is random unfortunately. We can swing the dice in our favour, but never control everything.

I did end up getting an illness and truth is the brain does something unexpected which is that it puts you in coping mode.

Two things happen. Some sort of instinct kicks in where you just deal with what is in front of you, and you also (rightly or wrongly) are more concerned with how other people are coping, because you just sort of accept that it's somewhat out of your hands once it's happened. Humour sometimes plays a part too.

During the same time I lost a friend to illness and there's no skirting around the fact death sucks. Their 2 year old (now 7) is now thriving. The only thing you can control is having some kind of life insurance cover as a parent. They didn't unfortunately but friends rallied round to crowdfund.

The other thing that happens is the NHS come in with a plan, and whatever happens there is a plan (similar to now, your current plan is coping strategies and GP). They do the heavy lifting on the expert knowledge so you can get on with day to day coping.

If like me you find trusting a plan quite difficult, and struggle with uncertainty, I found it helpful to set small goals, for example (just one example), I set a 4 month aim to complete the NHS couch to 5k which took my mind off waiting. I lived in 4-6 month time periods for about five years like that, until I finally moved forwards with it.

So that was how I coped and became more resilient. I do fleetingly worry about practical things but I'm not overtaken by thoughts on it. Hope it may help in some way.

SaintGermain · 24/07/2025 10:28

Hypnotherapy may help you.

Here is an example of one

https://www.lizziesmithhypnotherapy.co.uk/fear-of-death/

Sellingsunsets · 24/07/2025 10:30

Thanks everyone for your comments and kind words. I'm in a state of panic over it all today again. I've struggled to get out of bed through fear of moving. I'm up now and sweating and my heart is in my chest and I just feel terrible. I can't stop myself from thinking about it

OP posts:
AutumnFoxe · 24/07/2025 11:57

I also have ocd and a severe death obsession its absolutely all consuming sometimes. I have no idea what to do but you arent alone in it op.

Igotjelly · 24/07/2025 19:48

Sellingsunsets · 24/07/2025 10:30

Thanks everyone for your comments and kind words. I'm in a state of panic over it all today again. I've struggled to get out of bed through fear of moving. I'm up now and sweating and my heart is in my chest and I just feel terrible. I can't stop myself from thinking about it

Hope you managed to get at least a little bit of joy from the day. Never forget that you aren’t alone. It might feel like things will never get better but you will have good days again Flowers

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