Will I ever like my boyfriend again (premenopausal)?

[Ridiculousradish]

Fucking hell I just want him to fuck the fuck off. I'm on HRT and have been for the past 2 years (am 41), but my tolerance of people (particularly him) has completely gone. Doesn't help that I'm premenstrual. WILL I EVER LIKE HIM AGAIN?

Sorry title should say "perimenopausal."

I should say, boyfriend is fucking lovely. I'm the one being the moody twat. I do struggle living with him though, think I'd be happier if we lived apart but this is unlikely to happen.

Anyone?

Sorry you're going through this OP. Excuse my ignorance (I can't take HRT due to BC) but isn't HRT meant to stop the rages? Is it worth speaking to your Dr to adjust the dose or type?

Thanks @YelramBob. HRT has stopped me from feeling premenstrual all the time, now I feel it when I'm supposed to, but it is pretty epic. I've always had horrendous PMT.

You're right though, should probably go to the Doc. I exercise regularly and have mostly quit booze, but it doesn't help.

My friend had this and she was prescribed a micro dose of antidepressants, to take only around/during PMT.

The other thing is that you could be sensitive to progesterone. I find the progesterone bit of each month (HRT) make me more ragey.

It will come and go in waves. I actually think peri hits and your bull shit monitor just stops working, so everything you’ve brushed under the rug, or bad behaviour that you’ve let slide for years, it just isn’t possible to set it aside anymore.

I didn’t get rages as such, but for every time he’d been rude or obnoxious and I’d been overly kind and people pleasing in the past - well, I just decided that was no longer the life for me. So my H actually is a lot nicer now. Sometimes he mumbles a bit, and occasionally he’s an obnoxious man again. Except now I don’t make it my life mission to do what makes him happy and I just tell him he’s being unreasonable, rude etc. there’s a little debate between us and we talk about it and it gets settled quicker. In the past I would’ve just gone to cry in the other room and then made his favourite tea etc. I now turn his behaviour back on him and he realised how he’s been and doesn’t like it.

TBF wish I’d done this a long time ago - and we’ve been together over 30 years. I do still love him, I’m just not a timid mouse anymore.

You’ll be fine.

I’m peri and when I’m due on I absolutely despise my partner honestly, everything he does just really gets my back up but it’s only the week before my period. He jokes about it now and will say “you can’t be due on yet you’ve not tried to throw me out!!” He just leaves me be now and once my period comes I’m fine and love him again. It’s awful Op but it must be fairly common! My thoughts and behaviour is only one week a month though so if you’re feeling like this all of time maybe seek some professional help and you may be right and living separately may help. Sending you love!

I relate to this, and what @Crazymayfly has said 100%.
I've only recently started HRT, hoping this would be the cure, but I need to give it more time & if it doesn't help, I'll mention to the doc. I feel like when I'm due on, it brings everything to the surface, all the little things that irritate me, especially my husbands unhealthy habits and negative traits, plus all the jobs that need doing around the house (which he always has an excuse for) all bubble to the surface and explode out in my rage. Sometimes I'm absolutely awful to him, and can get quite personal, about his drinking, weight or unhealthy habits, but always feel like there's so much truth in my words & feelings. It's like a mirror is being held up and 'I can see!' I know I get in my own head too much, but with all the heightened emotions & sheer rage, it can be very raw & triggering all round. Recently I've tried to channel these emotions into getting shit done, and when it works, it helps me think, well at least something positive has come from that episode.
I think its also really important to talk to your partner, something I'm still learning, because once the rage/fog starts to lift I just brush it all under the carpet again, and I get swept away with day to day life, until next time. But I'm trying to learn from this pattern & recently I've started to pull him up on his behaviour and actions/or lack off, and I have seen positive change more awareness from his side. But just know you are NOT alone, and give it time. We're changing and it can be scary. I think this is why so many couples probably split up or get divorced around this time. Hope this helps.

I relate to this, and what @Crazymayfly has said 100%.
I've only recently started HRT, hoping this would be the cure, but I need to give it more time & if it doesn't help, I'll mention to the doc. I feel like when I'm due on, it brings everything to the surface, all the little things that irritate me, especially my husbands unhealthy habits and negative traits, plus all the jobs that need doing around the house (which he always has an excuse for) all bubble to the surface and explode out in my rage. Sometimes I'm absolutely awful to him, and can get quite personal, about his drinking, weight or unhealthy habits, but always feel like there's so much truth in my words & feelings. It's like a mirror is being held up and 'I can see!' I know I get in my own head too much, but with all the heightened emotions & sheer rage, it can be very raw & triggering all round. Recently I've tried to channel these emotions into getting shit done, and when it works, it helps me think, well at least something positive has come from that episode.
I think its also really important to talk to your partner, something I'm still learning, because once the rage/fog starts to lift I just brush it all under the carpet again, and I get swept away with day to day life, until next time. But I'm trying to learn from this pattern & recently I've started to pull him up on his behaviour and actions/or lack off, and I have seen positive change more awareness from his side. But just know you are NOT alone, and give it time. We're changing and it can be scary. I think this is why so many couples probably split up or get divorced around this time. Hope this helps.

Thank you lovely women. I don't feel like this all the time thank fuck, just for 1 or 2 weeks of the month 🤣. One of the many reasons I went onto HRT was because I felt like this all the time, so it has definitely helped.
He really is an absolutely lovely and kind man. I'm awful to him and then beat myself up and so the cycle continues. He just shrugs and says he knows I can't help it. Then he tries to hug me and I can't fucking cope! Poor sod. At least I like him for more than half the month!

Bring on the end of all this bullshit.