Whyyyyyy don't parents supervise their kids at soft play?!

[Notmycircusnotmyotter]

It's the holidays so another of these threads. Took my 2 and 4 year old to a soft play today. All fun and games until kids start getting hurt by children that are either too big or need supervising.

If you have a child that is totally fine playing without supervision - great! This isn't aimed at you.

If your kid is unruly - keep an eye on them FFS.

I've seen so many little ones (2-4ish) flattened or pushed around roughly by big kids today. Parents nowhere to be seen. including a young boy with autism (he was wearing a lanyard saying as much) who was in the baby bit hurting them - not intentionally but jumping about and landing on really small kids, clearly hurting them. Not his fault but again, no parent in sight.

Is it that hard to look after your kids?

I followed mine around when he was young but I don’t keep a close eye on him now. Many of the soft plays here have poor visibility and the seating is pretty far away.

Getting the popcorn out for this thread 🍿🍿

I'm surprised by the PP who go into soft play with their kids. I've only ever seen this with the under 3s in large soft plays because they're too little to be in there by themselves. I genuinely thought that parents weren't allowed in soft play for safeguarding reasons / they're too large. I let my kids roam free in there but they're well behaved (I know because I observe them in smaller soft play settings). And I expect other parents to tell them off if they're being little shits and I haven't managed to catch it. Just last week, my kid came out crying because they'd been hit so I went to the entrance and told the other kid off. Didn't happen again 🤷

On another note, how can you supervise more than one child in soft play at all times? They're all off in different directions.

I am not sure what’s actually wrong with taking my child somewhere fun so he can play and I can chill for a bit!

It's because parents aren't supposed to be in there with their kids so you're a novelty. Soft play is a safe place for kids to be let free with other kids away from hovering parents. It's a sort of replacement of the streets /fields of the past.

I think it’s the other way around?? Parents of young kids need to be near them to stop them getting bowled over (either by mean or over excited kids). Older kids can run around by themselves. So not sure what the problem is. When DC was young i was always close at hand bigger kids were generally rougher but hardly any really badly behaved. If they were i gave them a good telling off!

so is the problem really that you don’t want to tell other kids off?

Summer holidays- I avoid all soft plays in the holidays and at weekends! I’ve got a shy 3 year old and a one year old so just a recipe for disaster.

The logic here also means that no parent with more than one child can go to soft play.

So, your 2 year old went in to the older kids section unattended for the first time during school holidays, and you’re annoyed that some school age kids used the age appropriate bit of the soft play for exactly what it’s designed for? I’ve never seen a one way system at a soft play (other than on slides), so they weren’t wrong to go down step bits. Sure, they could have looked out for younger kids, but generally soft plays have a small section for small kids, and your 2 year old would have been better off in there, or at the very least accompanied in the big section. I appreciate that’s hard with a baby too, so probably best to stick to the baby section, and/or avoid soft play in the school holidays.

@itstartedinthepeakswhys that? I go in with my two and I shadow the little one while keeping an eye on 4 year old. He's also a gentle, well behaved boy who I would trust to not push around smaller children.

@Anon1029i wish kids could be left to roam and I could enjoy an hour with a coffee and a book. Badly behaved kids with absent parents make it too risky.

Took my nearly 2 year old to soft play today and ended up in the big soft play rather than the middle soft play (2-4) because all the big kids were bashing around the little kids soft play area knocking kids over.
To be fair my wee one has always preferred the bigger soft play (bit of a mad climber). I go in with him and accept he’ll probably get a wee knock over but he’s much happier. First time I’ve escaped the little ones area from the bigger kids though 😂
I get adults take kids to soft play for a break and don’t expect other parents of older children to be hovering over them but do think many could at least tell their excited large children who are loudly and noticeably knocking over wee ones to get back to the big area.

Actually there was no bigger kids in there it was a morning for just toddlers

How? I’m not judging I’m just impressed you can do it without worrying/feeling guilty/being on edge. At soft play I’m generally watching the children I’ve taken, plus everyone else’s children because there is always fighting, screaming and hitting going on and there’s places they could get stuck!

With young children I go in with them, often have a chat to some of the mums and dads who are going around with theirs and keep my eye on everything. When they’re older I’m just keeping an eye out every 5-10 minutes or so to make sure I’ve seen them recently.

Parents in the big soft play section are A PROBLEM. Yes, I know sometimes they have to be in there and sometimes I go in after my little one when they run in after the older one. But the correct attitude is apologetic, trying to tuck yourself out of the way of the marauding older children, shielding your little one from them with a smile and an apology, having a friendly word with the kids to make up to them for invading their space. I only ever intervene in the case of deliberate, repeated violence.

It is their space. It is not your space. You are the invader. Child rules apply, not polite grown-up conventions. If they choose to treat you like the bloody Pied Piper, that's the risk you take from being in their zone and being in their way. Huffy, self-righteous adults who say "Time to go back to your grown-up now" to over-friendly 8yos in the ball pit who don't pick up on social cues should really stick to National Trust properties with natural playgrounds until they can wave their little ones off into the big frame, confident that they can hold their own and scrap with the best of them. The answer is DEFINITELY NOT MORE ADULTS IN THE SOFT PLAY FRAME.

Adults need to be more humble about interfering with children playing in children's spaces.

Ok, so the kids weren’t much older than your daughter then, so no they probably wouldn’t know better.

I would still have never let mine go in to the main frame unaccompanied at 2, even if she was the only one there (which once during Covid times she almost was 😂 - literally just me and a friend) as apart from anything else the equipment is usually too big and they can’t physically get round unaided, or they get disoriented and can’t work out how to get where they want to.

It drives me insane. Our nearby one has a 2 and unders section. There was a dad on the phone the entire time, not remotely watching his at least 5 year old, definitely NSD child crashing around the small children, trying to hug them, pull them onto/off of toys etc. It was horrible parenting. I wouldnt have minded the big one being in there if they were at least being supervised. Made my blood boil. A soft play center isn't paid childcare.

When my daughter was younger, I watched her like a hawk. She didn’t understand boundaries, personal space, or turn-taking. Now that she’s six, she can play more independently and safely. I still keep an eye on her from a distance and usually only step in to remind other children to be more careful. These days, she often stands up for herself if others are being too rough — because I’ve spent years teaching and guiding her.

Having said that , I still never quite know how she’ll react to other kids on any given day, especially if she’s triggered by something. I can’t get inside her head or monitor every move, and sometimes I sit there feeling anxious, worrying that something might go wrong. But I try to reassure myself by focusing on how far she’s come. Her progress has been amazing. She absolutely loves soft play — she’s a big sensory seeker.

It surely depends on the child. A parent will know if their child is a pusher/ hitter/ biter etc. If
that’s the case then you shouldn’t switch off with a coffee if your child’s at soft play, you should at least have an idea where they are and what they’re doing so you can intervene. Mine are now 10 and 8 so only end up rarely in a soft play nowadays but I know they won’t hit anyone but I try and keep track of them and check what’s happening if there’s a commotion. I usually find them at the bottom on steps or top of a slide being passive and having everyone push in front of them as a general rule.

You’ll generally find in soft play the worse the behaviour of a child the further away the parent is in the cafe with their back to the play frame. There’s definitely some parents who go out their way not to see their children’s behaviour.

I used to hate soft play and think it was a huge germ pit, so glad when my kids grew out of it. When she was little I did used to go round with DD. I'm v short so probably not much bigger than the oldest kids in there. The biggest issue I remember was young toddlers/babies with nappies that were overdue a change. Stinky potentially leaky nappies were more of a potential problem than overly boisterous DC! (But this was 15 ish years ago)

I’m not sure about this. Parents need to give their older kids independence and not be constantly hovering over them even in a safe environment like soft play.

If I took my kids to soft play tomorrow I wouldn’t need to get up from the table; I’d know they were behaving. If my children had form for hurting other children I’d 100% be watching them. Children have the right to enjoy soft play without being attacked by others. My daughter had a particularly nasty incident where a child pulled her hair and clamped his hand shut so took ages to free her. The child’s mum was nowhere to be seen and a worker had to go looking her her, took an age.

Yeah because little kids all get along so nicely when they’re out of sight of their parents who sit ignoring them with a coffee scrolling on their phones…what could possibly go wrong? Especially for the sensitive ones, the little girls and the tiny ones! 🙄

fml I’m so glad I’m beyond this phase now.

It's been a while since our soft play days but some are massive 3 storey cages. You haven't a hope of keeping an eye on them.

I also have a 2 and 4 year old and accompany them in soft plays. More often than not, I’ll end up with a lone little one tagging along who just wants some attention and to play but they’ve been all but left to fend for themselves. Makes me sad.

Mine too, very well behaved as are most of their friends. Some kids aren't and their parents know it too. You only need to watch at the playground to see which kids are nice and which ones aren't. Some as little as 2 can be nasty little shits and this applies to both girls and boys.