Morbidly obese- please help me to find a way to change my relationship with food

[delilabell]

This is going to be long and ramble post. Thank you for those who resch the end.
For as long as I can remember I've had an issue with food. My mom would stop me from eating telling me I had a tummy and to hold it in for photos. I dont think at tjat point I was overweight. My mom had food issues and had slimmest etc but told us not to tell my dad.
I was sexually abused as a tween and so used food and my weight incense to try and put him off.
I developed early aswell and my mom would buy me boys clothes saying I was too shapely for girls clothes (wouldn't buy me womens clothes but would gove me hand me downs from her friends)
By University I was slim and shapely but as soon as I moved in woth fiance eating wasn't great. I was still OK shape for wedding but my mom made comments.
The last few years (I'm early 40s ) ibe started to deal with therapy with the sexual abuse. Tje weight has piled on again and I am now morbidly obese. I struggle to fit in the chair at the hair dressers. My knee hurts and I dread having to walk up hills etc.

Im in anti depressants which make me sweat loads. I hate my body. I hate it. Ibe tried weight watchers and slimming world. They work until I stop and tjen they dont. Ive read up on monjuaro but it says most people put weight on when it stops.
Ultimately I need to re set my brain. I dont want to have to rely on syns, points, injections. I want a healthy brain tjat knows what is right and wrong. That doesnt eat 2 share bags of chocolate a day as a reward. Who will only have 2 pain au chocolates. Who craves cheese ans fat.
I need a long term fix

I could have written your post. I get what you say about Mounjaro but that is true of any diet. Yo-yo dieting isn't limited to WLI - believe me, I have done every diet on the planet over the past 40 years. For me WLI has been an absolute lifesaver. I was morbidly obese and have had to lose 7 stone and, being perfectly honest, I could not have done it without the injections. I had a bad menopause, had always been very overweight and was looking at my mother thinking that history was in real danger of repeating itself with hip replacements, knee problems and poor health into old age so decided enough was enough. I found the WLI tuned out the "food noise" - it was completely freeing. I went from planning my day round eating and getting anxious if I didn't know when I was going to eat to a much better relationship with food. And whatever anyone tells you, it isn't "easy" - you still have to diet and you still have to reset your habits otherwise, as with any diet, the weight will go back on. I found that I needed to be on a maintenance dose to keep the noise at bay and, while I appreciate the potential effects, the fact that my heart, joints and everything else is better, it is a price I am happy to pay. Being able to go to exercise class without feeling that everyone is looking at me disgusted (I know they weren't but perhaps only those of us who have been morbidly obese can relate to that), am a size 12 (was a size 22) so can shop in "normal" shops (well, vinted mainly to be honest!) and can walk miles without feeling faint or sore is SO worth it. I do have to be on the scales every day, which I know isn't healthy, but for me that is what works to make sure that I don't end on the slippery slope back up through the numbers. When you are morbidly obese, it is a long journey back to a healthy weight, whichever path you choose, but it does mean you can use the time on the trip to re-educate your eating habits and I find my determination not to go back up in weight now I have got down to a healthy one is actually the best motivation I have (and old photos on the fridge - even ones where I thought I looked ok at the time).

Sadly, there isn't a magic cure for those of us with the food voice constantly in our heads, and those who don't have it simply don't understand what it feels like. So, don't be put off from anything that works on the basis that the weight will go on afterwards - that is the case for all diets once you stop them unless you change your ways and will doom you to failure before you start. You were slim and shapely so you can be again. Having faith in yourself is easy to say but can be very difficult in practice but I am living proof that you can succeed, but take the help that is available and, most importantly, works for you.

You could try overeaters anonymous.

Has any trauma happened to you? I believe when losing weight we need to address the psychological issues more than the physical issues.

I realised that i got fat after being raped when i was younger. The fat made me feel safe psycholigically.

I had to address the issue mentally and tell myself that it is ok to have an attractive female body.

For most people mounjaro will be a life long drug and they will continue on a maintance dose.

Personally, I would take the Mounjaro and use the time you’re on it to totally overhaul your diet and approach to food. I found reading books by Chris van Tullelen, Tim Spector, Andrew Jenkinson and listening to nutrition podcasts etc helped me think more about nourishing my body, rather than being overfed and undernourished like I was before. The MJ gives you the breathing space to implement changes and get them ingrained to become habit. It’s so much easier to eat healthily and get used to portion sizes when you aren’t starving hungry and emotional about food. And as the pounds fall off, it’s a lot easier to then get more active and implement exercise into your daily routine.

Even if you did need to stay on it, some people have to stay on medication their lives for plenty of other stuff. The downside of staying on is the cost but prices will almost certainly come down in the months and years ahead as more of these medications hit the market.

Try BodySlims. It will completely transform your life. Good luck x

@JamieFraserskneewarmer post is a really good one. For me it is being really honest about why I choose to eat what I do and then not eating it. You have to really focus on that food noise and identify it for what else it might be so, comfort, a treat for doing something good etc. it is really hard and easy that slip but you have to want to do it. Also get support with your mental health and be kind to yourself.

I also didn’t want to go down the WLI route but eventually decided to give it a try. It has completely changed my attitude towards food and it has helped me to lose weight in a steady and healthy way.

It sounds like your weight gain is only a manifestation of your psychological issues. It's great you are getting help there. I think before you lose weight you need to learn to love yourself and believe that you are in control of your life.

Injections may help, you say you might regain but so what, you'll cross that bridge when you get there. I read recently that in terms of long term physical health, a yo yo dieter is better off than one who never diets, because the organs have a chance to recover every time weight is lost. Don't let fear of failure stop you, any loss at all is an achievement!

I want a healthy brain that knows what is right and wrong.

Your mind (brain) has learnt several powerful lessons over your life.

1. That your weight is something to be ashamed of
2. That being overweight protects you from predators
3. That food never lets you down or insults you

It IS possible to rewrite those 'truths' at a subconscious level with hypnotherapy or remedial hypnosis. I've worked with several people who've struggled with emotional overeating - there's lots of info on my AMA.

Thank you everyone. @Eyesopenwideawake that is exactly what ive learnt yes. Ive been down to a size 14 before. On currently size 26/28. I hate myself.
I will look at the books and groups people have said about.
I hate that we can damage ourselves so much

Weight loss injections

ignore what could happen after - they’re developing new drugs all the time. I was 25 stone at my heaviest and worked for a year to lose two stone. I’ve lost seven stone in one year thanks to Mounjaro. It’s changed everything.

I really highly recommend reading (or listening to the audiobook, in my case) the book Intuitive Eating by Elyse Resch and Evelyn Tribole. There's A LOT of misunderstanding about what intuitive eating really is but I think that is down to not reading the book or people misinterpreting it. It won't solve everything for you but it might get you started in the right direction with regards to working to eat according to your body's internal hunger cues as well as alleviating some of the turmoil that comes with hating what you see in the mirror. It will explain the biological factors that cause overeating and it might help you to feel a bit better about yourself in a sense that it isnt all about willpower and that there are mechanisms in your body that you cannot contol.

It is stressed by the authors that the book isn't about weight loss and rather about getting back in tune with your body. However, if you are morbidly obese then you are not eating according to your natural hunger cues and if you begin to learn to listen to them again your body will start to return to the size that it truly wants to be/what is healthy.

I am not obese but I had an awful struggle with binge eating. The book really helped me and I'm finally losing weight and feeling a bit more myself again. It took much longer than I thought to be able to eat according to my body's cues, it's a long game, but I will eat this way for life.

Good luck! I hope this helps. You sound really strong and self aware.

Try loving yourself and see what happens. X

I genuinely dont think I can ever love myself. I habe self harm scars over my arms and legs, scars from my job. My skin is pasty. Im so fat everywhere and my face just looks pathetic and too similar to my abusers. I dont think I will ever be able to change my opinion of it. When I lost weight before (i lost over 5 stone both times I still hated my body. Tje first time was because I had to lose it for fertility treatment and it failed. The second time because I wanted to lose 7 stone and couldn't make it. Both times my body failed me.

Give Slimpod a go. It re-trains the brain to think more healthily about food. You could always use it alongside injections as it would probably support you when you reduce/ come off them.

Fat can be lost, scars fail and skin colour changes with the seasons. What is a problem (but not insurmountable) is that when someone thinks they hate themselves why would they put any effort into helping themselves?

It’s okay to hate certain aspects of who or where we are right now, but if we continue to love ourselves in the midst of that perceived failing, we will very likely care enough about ourselves to make those changes. You CAN change – you wouldn't have posted if you truly believed it to be impossible – but it starts in the head, not the body.

I think at the moment take some sustainable small steps. Mounjaro is great and an option but as you say, you need to have healthier habits.

Nutracheck is a very good app for tracking food and you can change what calories you have to suit. There is a free trial I think still then it costs about £30 a year. I'd say to track what you eat now in it for couple of weeks and see what the balance is like, particularly with protein and fibre. Set the calories up to lose 1/2 a pound a week so it gives you plenty and is sustainable, you'll probably lose more anyway as you start to eat better. There is loads of sensible nutrition advice on there if you sign up as well.

See where you can make healthy swaps and try and get your five a day in. Carrot sticks, celery sticks, cucumber sticks and cherry tomatoes can be easier than salad. Broccoli can be chopped into florets and microwaved in minutes with a splash of water. Frozen berries you can just microwave a handful in a minute. My favourite at the moment is Skyr Vanilla yogurt with defrosted cherries. Swap white bread for something like

Exercise - just take it steady. Walking for ten minutes a day to start with, then build up to twenty. Yoga is great but I'd just say doing some breathing (in for four, out for four is good) and just having ten minutes a day to yourself sitting quietly on a comfy chair with your eyes closed playing gentle music would be good. Headspace is good for guided meditation - I think they still do a free trial. I'd also suggest trying to talk to someone about what happened, if you haven't already.