Tell me about the real life characters at the school gates

[Howtotrainarabbit]

My friends and I love Motherland and talk about the characters being parents of our DC classmates.

We all know one another and get along but it's close to the line in some cases and I don't consider any of them friends.

If I were being unkind I could list them - the judgmental one who is actually very insecure and doesn't talk to any of the women, the CF one who is life of the party but will palm off her DC on you at any opportunity, the awkward but over keen one who thinks everyone is her bestie but they are secretly mean about her, the normal one who can't stand the others (me obviously jk)...

The alpha mum's that all stand together, it's a closed shop, they all stand there bitching & bragging, nothing can be done without it going through the alpha mum's. They grab all the best seats at assemblies & performances, expect their children to get the best parts, invite you dc to birthday parties, expect you to stay but ignore you completely as they are all together in their pack.

The beta mum's, who want to be alpha mum's, constantly sucking, up to them, feeding them information & gossip. They imitate the alpha mum's, try to dress like them, make sure they go to the same places for coffee after morning drop off, push their kids to be friends with the alpha mum's kids in hope of a play date & a chance to get closer to them.

My advice, avoid all of them, either sit in your car until just before the door opens or wear headphones & listen to music.

I'm not sure what you want people to say. It a parody of real life, so yes, there are aspects of the characters in real life people. Are you looking for content?

The Mums who all wear Seasalt amd White Stuff and have cottages who stand under the wooden gazebo.

The Dads.

The Lycra bike riding/running club Mums.

The ones who are scared of/clinging to the ADHD chair of PTA Mum and their group Mums.

Sweet quiet and as close to the gate as possible to make a quick getaway Mums.

The one day where I work from home and don’t really like being here and even though I’ve met you many times I’ll still blank you on the school pick up Mums.

The irony of you women calling other women bitches or judgmental is astounding.

I don’t recognise any of this to be honest. The parents at our school drop off seem friendly, chatty but usually with one eye on getting to work etc. I haven’t spotted any alphas!

I think they are usually known as “people”. There isn’t an entirely different species known as “school gate mums”. Despite the bullshit frequently posted on here.

Oh-actually. There’s the “I am so clever and unique-why would I want to be friends with the mundanes?” people.But I think that’s just on Mumsnet.

These threads are always baffling to me. My eldest is 10, and so far I’ve done every drop off and pickup, but I’ve never experienced the kinds of cliques and alpha mums that people bang on about on here.

Genuine question - if you think that there is a clique you’re not part of, how do you know anything about how that clique (ie group of people who chat together when you happen to see them) operates or thinks, or what they do in the 23 hours and 40 minutes per day that you don’t see them? I can’t see how you do.

Maybe this is an internalised misogyny thing, where women have been programmed to pick apart and criticise the behavior of other women?

We have the working shift mum's who do proper jobs like paramedic, nurse. Very friendly but look tired and often have to miss events.

We have the office working mums who all work at the same place, very international group (several Chinese tiger mums) because of the nature of the work and all quite ambitious pushy. DC are in every club going, doing extra of everything and there will be small hints dropped in conversation that make you realise that little sze is grade 8 piano by 4 years old. Followed by a rush of people signing up to the local piano teacher on secret.

Then we have the well off sahm who are on the pta, do a lot for the school but roll their eyes when people forget events because they're working and don't seem to really understand why it's hard to manage. They flirt with the head teacher and when asked what they will do today it's always "maybe gym, coffee, a book"

I am in the pushy mum set broadly but not very good at it!

Same, the parents at my DC’s school seem quite chilled out. Yes there are a couple of school parents that I find a bit annoying but I’d find them annoying if I’d met them at work or wherever, their personalities are nothing to do with them being a school pick up!

Lol at the ADHD Chair of the PTA Mum 🤣🤣🤣

I also think this
By having a child of school age, by definition the critic of "school mums" usually is a school mum ....but obvs different from all the others

Surely it's a random selection of mums who happen to have kids born in the same 12 month period, some you'll gel with, some you won't ....just like in any other situation when you have 1 thing in common....

We're a few years past that now, bit ours were just a regular mix of people, there were a couple of pushy parents and a few fallings out but in a fairly small group that are shoved together every day for years (single form all through primary where you have to wait on the playground for the doors to open, no dropping off at the gate) that's not surprising. I did make some truly fantastic friends there though, overall it was a hugely positive experience.

I think ones feelings about this phenomenon are probably dependent on your perception of society in general and how much the behaviour of others bothers you or ruffles your feathers.

Motherland made me absolutely cringe to my bones! It’s an observational caricature of life. Hence it managed to resonate with so many people.

It’s often women (yes and some men too Kevin) tend to shape social bonds within their community and since they tend to carry the load of overseeing the daily engagements of their kids, this forms certain dynamics around the place that their kids spend the most time.

I love observing people and communities and can certainly see characters described in the op within my own world.

It doesn’t upset me or trigger me, I actually find it quite fascinating.
I say this as someone who works in community engagement and frequently observes certain dynamics in a range of social backgrounds.

Community is a positive thing in general. We are social beings. Indeed, there’s research out there which suggests that teenagers whose Mothers (because it’s often the women) who are actively involved within their communities, are much less likely to be in trouble with the police.

We are all different. Of course the shy quiet individuals who don’t put themselves out there are likely to be intimidated or irritated by the loud “ADHD Chair of the PTA” types - just look at the dynamics within a class of kids and it’s much the same. It’s actually fascinating to me.

☺️

The parents in my dc school year are all very normal very nice and good fun! I enjoy spending time with alot of them.

Lots of the mums have senior and interesting jobs.

Hmm. Not sure who this is most offensive to, to be honest…

Most mums are individuals so don't fit in to any boxes but some actually do:

PTA mums or PITA mums who take their mission very seriously (details become life and death issues)

The complainers- mums who always have something to complain about every day (kids have too much/not enough homework, they spend too much time/not enough time on doing xy)

The non invested in anything but aggressive mums who are always late and whose children are rude and have never done their homework. They often accuse other children or teachers for bullying their child.

The stressed out working mums who are sometimes late but stressed about it so nothing like the non invested mums.

The sahm who are quite chill and often have younger children in tow. Some of the sahm are in the PITA group but others just very relaxed and friendly.

Are you always so offended?

I win this thread because we used to drop our kid off at a club at the same time the actor who played Kevin from Motherland did.

Not sure which camp I was in 😝

I joined a smallish posh school with loads of Amanda’s in it. They all ignored me and my DC as I’m WC. Then my DC preceded to get the best parts in the plays, bumped people off the rugby and swim teams, and win the chemistry and maths trophies and scholarships to the next school.

It sure was fun looking at them squirm and hearing that a few of them had complained about my DC being hard working and talented.

All in all, the school gate is a nest of vipers.

FWIW she does have ADHD and will tell you. She was probably the best fundraiser the school ever had!

All of these groups are 100% real. Think C of E school, leafy suburb of market town.

@FrankPancakes you are very cool 😎

No. Only when people say offensive things.

I found out a few years later, when I went part time at work that the for the first three years of school drops offs I was known as mini skirt mum, because I used to wear well ‘mini skirts’ (they weren’t, just above the knee), low heels and would just run in, drop the kids and run out again. I did. Because I had to get to work. I never really had time to speak to any of the other mums. It took them ages to become friendly when I started doing drop offs. So I think these sort of gossipy groups do exist in some schools. I couldn’t have cared less tbh. I was doing what I needed to do and In sure they were too, if a good gossip was what got them through the day .

Ok but how do you know they ignored you because you’re working class? Did they tell you that? Because if not you’re making a huge assumption there about people you clearly don’t know at all. Maybe they didn’t like you personally, maybe they thought you were unfriendly, maybe they were just busy talking to the people they already knew and didn’t particularly notice you?

As for complaining that your child was hard working and talented, I have literally never heard any parent anywhere complain about that, and I know plenty of parents who are ambitious for their own kids, so I would also take that with a pinch of salt.