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Do I kick my son out? 😔

7 replies

Totallybannanas · 21/07/2025 18:12

I have been through hell with him the last few years with my 20 year old so. He is Neuro divergent and has always been difficult to parent. He's never taken responsibility, always blames others. Always falling out with friends and just causing drama. He was into drugs a few years ago, mainly weed and vaping THC which I caught him doing in my house. He stayed with a relative for a while but soon went back to his old ways. Eventually I took him home and he started vaping again. I locked him out and made him sleep in the porch. It was after this that he came back and stayed clean for over a year. I managed to get him help for his mental health, signed him up to he gym and eventually got him a job which he has been in for 6 mths. He earns good money but again has started going out and hanging with a bad crowd, he started drinking and gambling. He came home stupid hours and I had to battle to get him to go to work. How he hasn't been sacked yet I do not know. I have just caught him vaping THC in his room again. I knew something was up, and only realised when I tried it myself. Initially it tasted strong and just flavoured. But then I felt funny after a few minutes. It was awful. My dad is dying and I am struggling with him and caring for him. I just can't cope. Why has he started again now? It's like he doesn't care. He spends all his money on rubbish. He can't stay with any family and he doesn't have any real friends that would put him up. I can't continue like this. He has a temper and has punched his doors and walls previously. He was doing so well and seemed to turn a corner. He just surrounds himself with the wrong people.

OP posts:
AcquadiP · 21/07/2025 18:21

He's 20 years old, working and on good money so he can afford to rent a place of his own. He doesn't need to stay with relatives or friends, he needs to grow up and take responsibility for himself. Give him 30 days notice that you want him out of the house, no negotiation, no excuses. I don't know why he does what he does but he seems to be throwing your hospitality back in your face which is completely unacceptable. You have enough going on with your dad without this crap. Time for some tough love.

Totallybannanas · 21/07/2025 18:23

I can't even help to find him anywhere because he is wasting his money as soon as he earns it.

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FanMeNowPatrick · 21/07/2025 18:28

Direct him to SpareRoom website, send him a link via whatever messaging service you use and give him notice to leave. You do not have to have him living with you. He is choosing his behaviour, you can choose how to respond to that.

Look now at how to change the barrel in your front door lock so that you can do that the day you told him he needs to leave. If he gets violent and starts punching walls you ring the police, immediately. I would forewarn him of this too, so that when he is due to leave he knows what your response will be.

You deserve to live in peace. He has a job, he is 20 and he can sort himself out.

itsmeits · 21/07/2025 18:32

Sounds like he has put you though hell at times. You have been extremely patient with him.
I know my eldest is experimenting at the minute however he knows I find drugs in my house the locks will be changed.
I have 2 younger children who do not need to see it.
Have a chat with him, he knows you will see your threat though you made him sleep in the porch!! (good on you)
Good luck OP and stay strong 💪
As for the money does he need some budgeting advice with you?
My eldest gives me an extra 250 a month to save for him. Sometimes he will ask for £50 back at the end of the month - as he says better for me to 'lock it away' than him dip into it for takeout - when there is food in cupboards, that he cant always be arsed cooking!

Totallybannanas · 21/07/2025 18:42

I'm hoping he doesn't lose his job. He just seems to get in with the wrong people and likes the wrong things. I've never had any issues until he turned 15 after lockdown and he just completely changed. It breaks my heart 💔

OP posts:
itsmeits · 21/07/2025 18:47

Totallybannanas · 21/07/2025 18:42

I'm hoping he doesn't lose his job. He just seems to get in with the wrong people and likes the wrong things. I've never had any issues until he turned 15 after lockdown and he just completely changed. It breaks my heart 💔

It is hard when they find the wrong sort, and keep managing to find a new crowd of the wrong sort 🤕
I hope he doesn't lose his job also for both your sakes. All you can do is keep trying to guide him best you can. ❤️ Or pray he finds a nice lass/lad to chase the bad eggs off!

Totallybannanas · 21/07/2025 19:26

I wish he would. He just attracted to the wrong types of people. I just think he finds it hard to fit in. He just doesn't seem to care about family, it's always his friends he puts first yet they wouldn't put him up. They just use him

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