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Original poster

What was she doing?

27 replies

lauribec · 20/07/2025 23:32

My cousins cousin (unrelated to me) hasn’t liked me for years, since I liked her exs Facebook status (I know!). OH and I have been going through a rough patch, he even told me we weren’t in a relationship anymore the morning of the wedding. He knows I’m not this ladies biggest fan and also that I think she doesn’t like me.

We have 3 kids, one of which a 2 year old that needed constant supervision (not a problem, I love her company!) I decided not to drink anything as the venue was near a busy road and DD kept making a beeline for the nearest door.

OH doesn’t usually drink but he really went to town. I look over and he’s necking drinks with this lady and some of her family. Little while later there’s a lot of arm touching, flirtatious giggling from her etc and then she randomly starts taking some pics of my OH. This massively upset our 11YO who ended up in floods of tears because of how this lady was being with her dad.

Tried to keep an eye on the situation whilst also responsible for 3 kids. Just noticed more of the same behaviour. Around half 10 my mum takes my still upset 11YO and my 2YO back to our house. I decided to have a couple of drinks as we were walking home anyway.

End up on the dance floor where she can’t get enough of him, a friend of mine comes over to tell me that she keeps staring over at me every time she has any kind of interaction with OH and that she was looking for a reaction out of me and to not give her the satisfaction. I end up walking away and getting upset. (Cried a lot of tears all in all haha)

I get over myself and try to let my hair down, next thing I know this woman has come over to me, grabbed hold of me with both hands and dragged me outside to see my OH whilst saying something like “he’s so awkward, I don’t know why”

OH very drunk and he starts going on about how he can’t do this anymore and how terrible our relationship is. Outside about an hour with him being not very nice to me.

Lady comes outside to tell me my 7YO was getting upset as he couldn’t find us. I go back in and this woman is dancing with my son, picking him up and spinning him around etc. Did find it a bit strange as she’s got nothing to do with my son, they don’t know each other!

What the f*ck was she doing? What was she hoping to achieve? For context she’s early 30s, slim, nice looking and always with lovely hair, make up etc and a big personality. Frankly I think she thinks very highly of herself and is incredibly big headed.

OH has always been adament men and women can’t ever be friends and if the shoe was on the other foot he’d be ripping me a new one if I was having such a great time with another man or posing for him to take a picture.

Sorry needed a rant!

OP posts:
Sportsdaywinner · 21/07/2025 01:09

Sounds awful. I'd leave him to be honest as he clearly has no respect for you.

Tryingmum456 · 21/07/2025 01:32

She doesn’t sound like a nice person. What did your cousin/ other family members think of this ?
But he sounds awful, I think the real problem is him, the fact he would behave like that in front of you and the kids. Disgraceful.

He’s already told you he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Don’t wait for him to tell you again, you can do better.

Noshadelamp · 21/07/2025 01:44

You're too focused on the wrong person. What this woman does is none of the business but your OH has behaved appallingly.

What do you mean he said you're not in a relationship any more? How did that conversation finish?

It looks like he's told her he's single and she thought she'd pulled.

Even if he was single, it is a disgusting way to behave in front of your children.

For the sake of your DCs seriously think about drawing a line under the relationship, they don't need any more toxicity.

Guavafish1 · 21/07/2025 01:49

You need to get rid of you OH… he is vile.

Forget the other lady… all very strange behaviour

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 01:56

Sorry, I know it's so hard, but I'd be done with him. What a shocking way to behave & in front of the kids?

why didn't your 7yo go home with your mum?

the woman sounds like a complete bitch, but there's not much you can do about that.

NightPuffins · 21/07/2025 02:17

This whole scenario is bonkers.

Your partner spent the whole wedding reception flirting and touching another woman, to the point that your daughter was in tears, yet no one, not you or any other family or friend spoke to him to tell him to stop?

Your mum takes two of your children home but not the third. So your 7 year old is up way after he should be.

At this point, your partner is drunk, you are drinking, and crying, and the two of you are arguing outside for an hour, while the 7 year old is alone inside, apparently dancing with a stranger (to him), and it’s presumably around midnight by now.

And you’re writing a post about this other woman’s behaviour, rather than about the fact that your partner told you twice already that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Forget this woman. Take steps towards moving your partner out of the home. Focus on your children and helping them through this very difficult time.

Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 06:43

Sportsdaywinner · 21/07/2025 01:09

Sounds awful. I'd leave him to be honest as he clearly has no respect for you.

You’re right and I’ve known it for a long time, trouble is I’m really not in the position to be able to do so 😫

OP posts:
Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 06:57

Tryingmum456 · 21/07/2025 01:32

She doesn’t sound like a nice person. What did your cousin/ other family members think of this ?
But he sounds awful, I think the real problem is him, the fact he would behave like that in front of you and the kids. Disgraceful.

He’s already told you he doesn’t want to be with you anymore. Don’t wait for him to tell you again, you can do better.

Because she’s got this larger than life personality, full of confidence and always looks amazing it’s like people are totally blind to her. I only got this other side of her because I’ve upset her somehow. The guy fitting our boiler the other day came to speak to me only to ask if I knew her and asking a few questions, grinning like a Cheshire cat 😂 strangely enough she doesn’t have much luck with actual relationships though.

I honestly have no idea if any of them (bar my friend) even noticed and if they did they haven’t mentioned anything. I think my auntie may bring it up when my kids aren’t around.

You’re right though, there are huge issues and despite him knowing he’d upset me there hasn’t been an apology. In fact the following day I told him I was taking the kids swimming to cheer our DD up and he couldn’t understand why she’d even got upset. I just gave the woman’s name and he looked at me completely puzzled.

Sadly I’m really not in a position to be able to leave, this has given me a push to get myself into a better position though. I had children young, I’ve put everything into the kids and he’s been able to focus on building a good career. He’s actually previously told me that I wasn’t important when I’ve mentioned wanting to better myself 😂🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 07:03

Guavafish1 · 21/07/2025 01:49

You need to get rid of you OH… he is vile.

Forget the other lady… all very strange behaviour

I know there is a lot that isn’t right, I really need to get myself into a better position to be able to go it alone with the kids. I don’t have a great deal of support and financially cannot support a household alone. It is all totally miserable.

I honestly can’t get her out of my head though, I don’t get her motive or what she was hoping to achieve? She was off with me from the get go. She absolutely knew he had a partner and that his 3 children were in the room. I have to walk past this woman in September on the school run and utterly dreading it.

OP posts:
Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 07:08

TourdeFrance2025 · 21/07/2025 01:56

Sorry, I know it's so hard, but I'd be done with him. What a shocking way to behave & in front of the kids?

why didn't your 7yo go home with your mum?

the woman sounds like a complete bitch, but there's not much you can do about that.

Edited

It is awful! I’m more sad for my daughter than I am myself. I’ve tried to speak with her about it since but she said she doesn’t want to think about it as she will get upset again. She’s a sensitive little soul.

7YO was having the time of his life busting some moves on the dance floor. Honestly I would have let 11YO stay until the end if she had wanted to. My cousin is godmother to all 3 of my children.

No you’re right, I can’t change her but I do wish I understood what she was hoping to achieve that night and also that other people could see her for how she really is 😅

OP posts:
ClaredeBear · 22/07/2025 07:11

If you’re going to come away from this with a shred of self respect you need to end the relationship now. This will only get messier and he’s clear about how he feels. Your life will be so much better once he’s out of it.

ClaredeBear · 22/07/2025 07:16

You’re saying you’re not in a position to leave but I suspect from what he’s said to you at least twice now, you might get lucky and he’ll do the decent thing.

RevolutionHere · 22/07/2025 07:19

i dont know why you say your 11 year old is upset at how she is behaving around your dh
surely she is upset about how your dh is behaving.
you are just putting a spin on it

Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 07:29

NightPuffins · 21/07/2025 02:17

This whole scenario is bonkers.

Your partner spent the whole wedding reception flirting and touching another woman, to the point that your daughter was in tears, yet no one, not you or any other family or friend spoke to him to tell him to stop?

Your mum takes two of your children home but not the third. So your 7 year old is up way after he should be.

At this point, your partner is drunk, you are drinking, and crying, and the two of you are arguing outside for an hour, while the 7 year old is alone inside, apparently dancing with a stranger (to him), and it’s presumably around midnight by now.

And you’re writing a post about this other woman’s behaviour, rather than about the fact that your partner told you twice already that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore.

Forget this woman. Take steps towards moving your partner out of the home. Focus on your children and helping them through this very difficult time.

Sorry just to be clear, it was the woman doing the touching. I spoke to him after the photos were taken but that was fairly early on. I was sober and wasn’t about to cause a scene.

Yes he was up later than he ever would be normally but it was a one off special occasion and he was having a great time ☺️ he’s a confident little lad and was loving life on the dance floor (not to mention the sweet cart haha) most of my family stayed to the end so he wasn’t alone at all, was only my mum and brother who left with my other 2 children.

I absolutely know there are issues with OH but curious as to what she was hoping to achieve? Because I’ve upset her previously was she trying to show me she could take OH from me if she wanted to? Like she’s more of a catch than me or something? 😅 The staring was really weird. She wanted me to see her.

My children always have been and always will be my top priority. Last couple of years have been especially rough and it’s almost like this has given me a weird bit of clarity. I can’t just leave though unfortunately, I’m not in the position to be able to do so. __

OP posts:
Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 07:31

RevolutionHere · 22/07/2025 07:19

i dont know why you say your 11 year old is upset at how she is behaving around your dh
surely she is upset about how your dh is behaving.
you are just putting a spin on it

Nope, this is exactly what she told me. I’ve no need to put a spin on anything. She was being very forward with her dad.

OP posts:
Tweedledumtweedle · 22/07/2025 07:56

The woman was being forward and your dh didn’t stop it. He didn’t remove himself from her company. He didn’t hang out with his wife or his kids instead. And you’re dd got upset as a result.

KimHwn · 22/07/2025 08:03

You are distracting yourself from your horrible husband, whose actions are damaging your children and yourself, by concentrating on the actions of some random woman.
There will always be women who flirt with married men for loads of reasons. A good man will say no, don't touch me please, or make his excuses and leave.
You say you're not in a position to leave him. You should put your energy and thoughts into remedying that instead of focusing on some random woman.

Original poster
lauribec · 22/07/2025 08:08

Tweedledumtweedle · 22/07/2025 07:56

The woman was being forward and your dh didn’t stop it. He didn’t remove himself from her company. He didn’t hang out with his wife or his kids instead. And you’re dd got upset as a result.

Was thinking about this, he definitely facilitated her behaviour. Not just any person either, someone he knew I was unhappy about.

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 22/07/2025 08:10

You have a massive issue with your dp. What sort of a father behaves like this in front of his children? He is the issue you need to be focusing on. He was clearly enjoying her attention and obviously felt his behaviour was acceptable because he had told you the relationship was over that morning.

Why can't you leave? Why can't he leave? You both sound deeply unhappy with the current set up and it is now impacting your children.

Farkinhell · 22/07/2025 08:16

Was this YOUR wedding? I really hope not as it doesn't sound like a brilliant situation. If it was, why was this woman you don't know at the wedding?

I hope you can extricate yourself from the situation soon.

ZoomingSusan · 22/07/2025 08:58

This other woman doesn’t matter to you OP but your OH and children’s dad is giving a strong message that he wants out. It’s really hard for you.

Scampilicous · 22/07/2025 18:22

Is this at YOUR wedding - if so - unbelievable

GiveDogBone · 22/07/2025 18:45

So let’s gets this straight, a bunny boiler who hates you because you liked her ex’s status on FB, throws herself at your drunk husband, does so deliberately to get a reaction out of you, and then physically drags you out the venue so he can have an argument with you.

And the MN man-haters are like: yep totally the man’s fault.

asrl78 · 22/07/2025 19:39

GiveDogBone · 22/07/2025 18:45

So let’s gets this straight, a bunny boiler who hates you because you liked her ex’s status on FB, throws herself at your drunk husband, does so deliberately to get a reaction out of you, and then physically drags you out the venue so he can have an argument with you.

And the MN man-haters are like: yep totally the man’s fault.

In this case I would say it is the man's fault and I hate illogical gender bias as much as anyone else. He chose to get drunk and chose to permit the woman's boundary overstepping behaviour (although he may have been too paralytic to do much). The woman is not innocent, she sounds like a real toxic mare but the husband had the ability to put a stop to it and chose not to, and on top of that he was unpleasant to the OP.

Laura95167 · 22/07/2025 19:59

I think youre writing about the wrong problem

You know what she was doing.. winding you up. Quite successfully. To the detriment of your children.

The Qn isnt what was she doing it is why was your OH letting her? Whatever state your rship is in what he did to his children was disgusting.

You've kinda glossed over the fact he told you its over and was nasty to you. I would ignore cousins cousin and address your DP problem