Girlfriends /Partners/ Wives of HGV drivers

ahalightheartedminty · 2025-07-20T21:16:53+00:00

Hi, I've been looking for a forum to chat to others in a similar position having their other half being a truck driver. I'm newish to it I guess and as it comes with it's own set of specific challenges my friends don't 100% understand me or the role I have in it with being primary carer and everything else! There's sister ship here 😘 and appreciation as it's not a life for everyone. Wasn't able to find a UK forum so I thought I'd start one to help others hopefully In a similar position. X

FetchezLaVache · 21/07/2025 02:24

Wife of an HGV driver here. I don't really get the need for solidarity with other HGV WAGs, but then my DH doesn't do any trunking and sees driving as a job and not a lifestyle. What are the specific things you were hoping to chat about?

itsallabitofamystery · 21/07/2025 07:21

Partner of a tramper here. He left this morning and will be back Saturday morning. Been the same routine for the past 14 years.

Original poster

ahalightheartedminty · 21/07/2025 07:45

itsallabitofamystery · 21/07/2025 07:21

Partner of a tramper here. He left this morning and will be back Saturday morning. Been the same routine for the past 14 years.

@itsallabitofamystery my partner does 5 days on. Class 1 and sleeps in the truck if he can't get back. 14 years wow! Long time doing it then..

Do you have children? I have 2 school age children. I find I'm ok for about 3 days of not seeing him home. I find it difficult being responsible for everything for those days he's gone.

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Original poster

ahalightheartedminty · 21/07/2025 07:55

FetchezLaVache · 21/07/2025 02:24

Wife of an HGV driver here. I don't really get the need for solidarity with other HGV WAGs, but then my DH doesn't do any trunking and sees driving as a job and not a lifestyle. What are the specific things you were hoping to chat about?

My partner also sees it only as a job and not a lifestyle but I'm finding it's a job that takes more from a family than it gives.

Hmm specific things.? . Around handling family life, leisure time whether shared or together and the division of household tasks. Even sleep and other topics of fairness and support. How do you keep the wheels on?

Im hoping to read stories from others so I would feel less alone in mine, and maybe get chatting to others in a similar position about specifics if something came up that resonated with me.

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Firstshoes · 21/07/2025 08:03

Mine tramped for years and we have two DC. I actually really enjoyed those years. I was independent during the week (I also worked) and got used to having the place to myself with the DC. The only thing I hated was dealing with the bins on bin day We had the best weekends when he came home as we had loads to talk about and always went out for meals, took the DC out. He is still a class one driver but commutes now as he's older and wants a proper shower every day and the comforts of home. I found it very hard to adjust to him being home more often but I'm used to it now and couldn't imagine him being away as much as he was before.

KPPlumbing · 21/07/2025 08:25

My husband's not an hgv driver, but he's in a trade where he typically is away from monday-friday staying in digs. And he wants to end up on oil rigs, so will be on a 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off schedule. We don't have kids though.

It's been a challenge to figure out how to share chores. If he's not here all week, how much should he be doing on weekends? We've figured out a routine that works fairly well for us now, though.

itsallabitofamystery · 21/07/2025 10:02

Yes we have children, one 16 and the other 13. All tasks fall to me. And tbh it works, I enjoy my time alone with the children and we hugely enjoy our weekends when he’s home…apart from all the washing he brings back.

Im so used to it that Covid was a bit of a shock to the system, having him home so much - couldn’t wait for him to go back ha.

A tip - hire a cleaner for the day he is due home. My cleaner comes every Friday and honestly it’s the best £30 I spend a week to have all the bedding changed and house tidied for when he comes home. Also, don’t put him on the school emergency contact. We have to take our holidays when work allows, and this is often term time. There’s no point on him being on the school contact form as he is never able to help in emergencies, and by not being on, he has never received a holiday fine.

The only time I’ve really struggled is when I’ve been ill. I seem to break my limbs a lot, and they’re never simple breaks either so I often need caring for. My body also likes to get sepsis too. 9 times out of 10 he will get back, but work only flexes maybe a few days for him to care for me, and this is when my mum then steps in. So a good support network is beneficial too.

LittleMi55Nobody · 21/07/2025 17:50

my o/h has been a tramper for about 38 years, we have 2 sen children and to be honest im glad hes away sun til fri cos hes the most miserable nagging horrible person to exist and im to worn out to change it..i hate weekends when hes back home...we are all walking on egg shells til the cunt fucks off back to work....god if i could have my life back over

Original poster

ahalightheartedminty · 21/07/2025 19:56

KPPlumbing · 21/07/2025 08:25

My husband's not an hgv driver, but he's in a trade where he typically is away from monday-friday staying in digs. And he wants to end up on oil rigs, so will be on a 3 weeks on, 3 weeks off schedule. We don't have kids though.

It's been a challenge to figure out how to share chores. If he's not here all week, how much should he be doing on weekends? We've figured out a routine that works fairly well for us now, though.

That's really interesting.. would you mind sharing what has worked for you with chores? It's a shitty touch point for me as I like the dish washer emptied first thing as an example, so I always do it. Then feel resentful of the work.

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Original poster

ahalightheartedminty · 21/07/2025 20:01

LittleMi55Nobody · 21/07/2025 17:50

my o/h has been a tramper for about 38 years, we have 2 sen children and to be honest im glad hes away sun til fri cos hes the most miserable nagging horrible person to exist and im to worn out to change it..i hate weekends when hes back home...we are all walking on egg shells til the cunt fucks off back to work....god if i could have my life back over

That's honest and raw.. thanks for sharing. I'm sending hugs. I think we have harder domestic lives than women who's partners dont drive trucks. This is at most year 2 for me of trucking.
I think my life has got worse for it and not better

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Original poster

ahalightheartedminty · 21/07/2025 20:05

itsallabitofamystery · 21/07/2025 10:02

Yes we have children, one 16 and the other 13. All tasks fall to me. And tbh it works, I enjoy my time alone with the children and we hugely enjoy our weekends when he’s home…apart from all the washing he brings back.

Im so used to it that Covid was a bit of a shock to the system, having him home so much - couldn’t wait for him to go back ha.

A tip - hire a cleaner for the day he is due home. My cleaner comes every Friday and honestly it’s the best £30 I spend a week to have all the bedding changed and house tidied for when he comes home. Also, don’t put him on the school emergency contact. We have to take our holidays when work allows, and this is often term time. There’s no point on him being on the school contact form as he is never able to help in emergencies, and by not being on, he has never received a holiday fine.

The only time I’ve really struggled is when I’ve been ill. I seem to break my limbs a lot, and they’re never simple breaks either so I often need caring for. My body also likes to get sepsis too. 9 times out of 10 he will get back, but work only flexes maybe a few days for him to care for me, and this is when my mum then steps in. So a good support network is beneficial too.

How did you build your support network. ? I ask for occasional ad hoc support for my kids from my family and close friends. They'll at most help with a one night if I want to go out if I ask in advance. Nothing regular. I've resigned myself to the fact that I don't have much of a social life and it's my own fault for starting again and supporting my partners move into trucking. I didn't know at the time how much it would limit my life. All tasks fall to me. Sometimes I don't cope with that.

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KPPlumbing · 21/07/2025 21:57

ahalightheartedminty · 21/07/2025 19:56

That's really interesting.. would you mind sharing what has worked for you with chores? It's a shitty touch point for me as I like the dish washer emptied first thing as an example, so I always do it. Then feel resentful of the work.

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After me pushing and pushing for so many years that he does half of all chores, it now wouldn't be fair to expect that, as he's away and I work from home half the time. And he isn't even here to put the bins out during the week or walk the dog or whatever.
I save one-off or bigger jobs for him to do at weekends - mowing the lawn, trimming hedges, cleaning windows etc. But even that has to flex if he's had a particularly physical week and is exhausted and needs to rest. He'll often sit in his digs on a Thursday night and do an online food shop to arrive on Saturday morning. And we had to cave and get a gardener for all of last summer because he had a particularly busy year.

Original poster

ahalightheartedminty · 22/07/2025 09:01

KPPlumbing · 21/07/2025 21:57

After me pushing and pushing for so many years that he does half of all chores, it now wouldn't be fair to expect that, as he's away and I work from home half the time. And he isn't even here to put the bins out during the week or walk the dog or whatever.
I save one-off or bigger jobs for him to do at weekends - mowing the lawn, trimming hedges, cleaning windows etc. But even that has to flex if he's had a particularly physical week and is exhausted and needs to rest. He'll often sit in his digs on a Thursday night and do an online food shop to arrive on Saturday morning. And we had to cave and get a gardener for all of last summer because he had a particularly busy year.

Show quote history

That's reassuring!

One thing that we are getting right and have recommended to every couple is to share the mental and physical load of grocery shopping and meal planning. That has been one thing that is a huge weight off my mind. Every other week it's not my turn to think about what's for dinner or go and fetch it 😆

Yeah I'd say we're pretty much the same - yard work , loft or garage work gets lumped and prioritised for the stretch of days my partner is home. We've just started a shared decorating and fencing project which we'll both enjoy.

I think the key is to think taking an equal and fair load instead of thinking of it as shared. That's where the magic may happen? ✨

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