Second relationships/marriages, cohabiting, assets etc

[Fireworksareloud]

What have others done when in long term relationships cohabiting but with each partner having their own children?

One dp owns the house and the other is living there but feels that it is not really their home as if the one who owns it passes away they would have no rights.

They have no shared dc and one and two of their own each.

What do others do?

I own my property.
My DP moved in almost 20 years ago. I will never sell, buy together or put him on the deeds.
Selfish? Possibly. Smart? Very.

How does your dp feel about it?

The home owner dp is mindful of all sorts of scenarios that can happen and wants to guard the dc inheritance.

The other dp feels this means it isn't really their home.

DP is absolutely fine with it.
It's never been an issue and we both see it as our home.
It just doesn't comes up in conversation.

I think they see it as not their home if someone could ask them to leave?

That's true.
And although I don't see that happening, I'm protecting myself and my assets.
I'm happy, DP's happy.
I was completely upfront about not becoming financially entwined and he's fine with that.
If a couple can't agree on living/financial arrangements, someone's always going to be unhappy.

How does the person who moved in suggest they have a share in the property? The home owner selling and the pair of you buying 50/50 on a new property? Or buying a 50% share of the current house, or paying nothing and going on the deeds?
All of which are irrelevant if the home owner wants to retain the whole property in their name alone.

The other partner can buy another home as an investment and give that to their dc or as a home and move into it. If you're not married or having children together and you don't need to both be on a mortgage to afford a home, then doesn't make sense to merge finances.

Well done you for standing your ground. How much compared with market value for half your home / a room as a lodger do you charge him?

There are no charges or rent charged. He's my partner in all ways except in being joint owners in the property.
Separate bank accounts and all bills are in my name apart from the council tax.
It's all very even with him paying towards the bills, the food, socialising, holidays, Christmas. All the normal stuff.
Both happy and content with how things are.
I can see it wouldn't be for everyone, but, it just works. Nobody has any expectations as its all been discussed years ago.

This is exactly how our set up works as well. He moved into my property 25 years ago, both have adult children and I have teenage GC. All bills in my name (and I pay them) and I pay most of repairs - sometimes he'll pick up bits from B&Q. He's hopeless with money, proper holes in his pockets, and he knows this so doesn't want the responsibility of bills. He gives me a set amount each month (a fairly low figure that we're both happy with) and he pays his share of holidays. He knows the property is being left to my family and that he will get £30k if I predecease him and we took legal advice when my will was drawn up to protect my children's inheritance. He's always looked on this as his home (because it is) but not his house (because it isn't) and if it bothered him he could have been buying his own property over the 25 years! We've never married as that would have muddied the water.

That does sound like a good solution.

Yes this.

It is refreshing to know there are others out there with this arrangement. Sometimes I feel like I am the only one that is living this way. But it really is the smart way to be if you want to protect your assets.

I own my house outright and he pays me an amount towards bills. I pay all maintenance, he pays for things he can take with him such as lawn mower TV etc.

He is perfectly happy and clear the house is for kids. He doesn’t own a property but has investments and policies for his DD. At some point I will change my will to give him a lifetime interest in the house of if I die first and after we retire. He will Al as o receive my work pension, is a public sector one so my kids can’t be eligible.

for these reasons we will never marry

That's an interesting idea to do the life interest only when older. I will look into that.