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Original poster

Third party access while waiting for power of attorney

26 replies

Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:17

I am struggling with helping my elderly mother in law. I live a long way away from her, and she is housebound and has no family support.
i am sending her food shops every week, but as she is a heavy smoker this is becoming very expensive. I have applied, with her consent, for Power of Attorney which, but it apparently takes around 6 months, by which time I am going to be skint!
she has carers, but not ones which shop for her, and she was ripped off by one who used her card to get cigarettes and took money.
I can not work out what to do next, her bank do not seem able to help beyond setting up a card which I could use …if I lived by her.
Any advice or experience?

OP posts:
Linenpickle · 19/07/2025 16:21

Any siblings? I’f not, could you do online banking for her account and have access? Or get her card details and order the food on that?

Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:31

Sorry, not sure what you mean by do online banking for her account? No ,no family at all.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:32

I suppose I could add her card details to supermarket shop? Would that be legal?

OP posts:

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EscapeTheCastle · 19/07/2025 16:41

You can use her card on the supermarket shop but these days you will also need further card verification that arrives via mobile phone that's also in her name.

I do the shopping for my parents and I nearly broke down when they brought that extra security measure in. These days I do the online shop for them when I see them as I don't live too far away. So I'm there when the verification code comes in on their phone.

What you could do if she doesn't have her own mobile is to set one up for her and keep the phone with you.

JellyTotsAreYum · 19/07/2025 16:41

Set up an online account with supermarket of choice using her details (name and address). Use her card details to pay for the delivery to her address.

ExtraOnions · 19/07/2025 16:41

How do you think PoA will help?

Yes, you can use her card details to do her shopping, and get it delivered, as long as she agrees with that.

JellyTotsAreYum · 19/07/2025 16:44

EscapeTheCastle · 19/07/2025 16:41

You can use her card on the supermarket shop but these days you will also need further card verification that arrives via mobile phone that's also in her name.

I do the shopping for my parents and I nearly broke down when they brought that extra security measure in. These days I do the online shop for them when I see them as I don't live too far away. So I'm there when the verification code comes in on their phone.

What you could do if she doesn't have her own mobile is to set one up for her and keep the phone with you.

Oh, cross posted with you. Which supermarket di you use? Never had this happen with Morrisons or Co Op ( and only started using CoOp in last month - but had membership card for some time).

Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:45

POA will allow me to access her bank accounts with permission.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:47

She has no mobile and will not be getting one. She is 87.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:50

My supermarket shop does not require phone verification…
Sorry if I seem to be obstructive, I am at the end of my tether trying to help this lady who is old, physically unable but has full mental capacity, a bit salty and so far away from me.
I am doing my best, but it is costing me a fortune.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 19/07/2025 16:51

I have third-party access and it's really helpful

However, with the online shop, I pay for it on my credit card and then transfer the money from mum's account. So I don't know how it works in terms of a verification.

But if you have third-party access, then wouldn't a verification go to your phone?

One thing I will say about third-party, we set ours up ages ago but we went into the bank together and also any written correspondence goes to mum's address. So you'd have to be happy with that. It was very quick to sort out, but that was in person.

the reason I don't use mum's card to pay online is because neither of us want to pay online using bank account cards. I only do online shopping with a credit card. And Mum doesn't have a credit card. If she did have, then I would've applied to be third-party on that.

charliehungerford · 19/07/2025 16:56

Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 16:50

My supermarket shop does not require phone verification…
Sorry if I seem to be obstructive, I am at the end of my tether trying to help this lady who is old, physically unable but has full mental capacity, a bit salty and so far away from me.
I am doing my best, but it is costing me a fortune.

You should be able to set up home delivery account with her card, and an account in her name. You can then log into it from anywhere and order the shopping. They don’t know who is actually ordering the goods. I order every week from Tesco for my MIL and I never have a third party authorisation request, although I use my card and she pays me via a monthly direct debit we set up with her bank.

AnSolas · 19/07/2025 16:56

You need to make sure the POA is not linked to capacity as she appears to still have that.

You can open up a online shopping account in her name and add her bank card to it with her permission.

But you can get her a bank account set up as a sole account with you as an authorised signer /password holder
Eg
https://www.barclays.co.uk/ways-to-bank/authorised-users/
Check with her bank on what they do.

I would suggest that you set up an email account in her name that both of you (or othe4 family) can access which will only be used for managing her household.

Then go about setting you up as an authorised person on her service provides and change the email address to the new one and adding in your phone number.

This way you can have the apps on her devices ( has she any?) and your devices and any password changes or notifications dont become muddled with your personal stuff.

If your phone is the lead phone you will get the verify coded which some apps use or it allws the app to register your number as an authorised number.

Authorised User | Additional cardholder and account supervisor | Barclays

If you want help managing your account, you can sign someone you trust up as an additional cardholder or account supervisor.

https://www.barclays.co.uk/ways-to-bank/authorised-users/

EmeraldRoulette · 19/07/2025 17:06

@Scrabsqueak Actually, the easiest way would be if she sets up a standing order for you, with the average monthly amount that you're spending on her. How does she currently pay you back?

WhistlerInHisStudio · 19/07/2025 17:24

Prior to PoA for my father, we set up a joint account (lived at opposite ends of the country). A standing order was set up from his main account into the joint account and I used the money for that solely for his needs.
Could you perhaps do something similar?

Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 17:33

She doesn’t.
setting up a standing order would absolutely be the way. I obviously cannot see the wood for the trees atm. Thank you all so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 17:35

Sorry, I meant she currently doesn’t pay me back.

OP posts:
CharlotteStreetW1 · 19/07/2025 17:39

Do you and DH have joint finances that it's coming out of?

Muchtoomuchtodo · 19/07/2025 17:43

Can she send you a cheque for the outstanding main then set up regular payments for future costs?

Lightuptheroom · 19/07/2025 17:44

We set up a standing order from my dad's account, he consented to it and the bank didn't query it. He flatly refused to do power of attorney or even 3rd party access. We've now had to apply for deputyship for my mum which took 8 months and will now have to apply for my dad as well. Get power of attorney sorted and then ask her to activate it. The only power of attorney that requires loss of capacity to actually activate is the health and welfare power of attorney. As I say, in the meantime have a standing order set up for anything you're paying out. We also set up an amazon account very easily on dad's card which was useful for anything else they needed

Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 18:08

Sadly my DH died 4 years ago. She has not got a cheque book at all. It’s all very difficult. POA all going through solicitors, she has agreed , and covers all aspects, it just takes such a long time!
I think a standing order might be the best way, I will try to add her card to supermarket shop but it all is so clunky with me only being able to get there a couple of days a month ( and the cost for that is massive too). I know I sound so mean, but the costs really add up. I don’t blame her, she grew up in an age when men took care of all that, and she now has no interest in taking responsibility, is happy to leave it to me.
As I say, she is 87, so I really don’t think I can blame her for learned helplessness though it is incredibly frustrating.

OP posts:
Chewbecca · 19/07/2025 20:03

Joint account- go to the bank with her and convert her current account to a joint one & set up internet banking for yourself.

Original poster
Scrabsqueak · 19/07/2025 20:11

She is totally housebound, this is a big part of the problem, there is a shop ten steps from her house, but it is not possible for her to get there.

OP posts:
EmeraldRoulette · 19/07/2025 20:45

@Scrabsqueak it doesn't sound mean at all

If it makes you feel better, I recently had to sort a legal matter for my mum and when I paid the solicitor, he expressed concern about how I would be paid back. I think he's seen a lot of these situations!

How does she currently pay her bills? She clearly owes you a chunk of money upfront and then a sensible standing order going forward.

Chewbecca · 20/07/2025 09:05

Oh, I'm sorry, I missed she was totally housebound. Sounds very hard.

Would it be possible for her to apply for a credit card with you as an additional cardholder and have the balance paid in full by her by DD each month? Or does she have one already she can call and ask for an additional cardholder?

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