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Thinking About Dying

4 replies

SpookySindy · 19/07/2025 15:01

Hope I am not being morbid. Back in 2020 I turned fifty and took a plan out for a cremation. From then on I have thought a lot about dying and what it will be like. I am single and don’t have children. I took out the cremation policy so that any surviving relative, mostly likely my younger sister, wouldn’t be left footing the bill. My mum is 81 and never mentions dying to me. I can see that she thinks about especially it if a well known person younger than her passes away.

My Dad died in 2007 of pancreatic cancer that was inoperable. They gave him two years to live in April 2006. He died in March the following year having just turned sixty. I will be that age in five years. It’s made me think about what it will be like and when it will happen. Cancer is a big thing in our family. It took my paternal and maternal grandmothers, my Auntie and my Dad. His side of the family don’t seem to live has long as my mum’s side. Both of her parents lived into their nineties,

Another reason I think about it is when someone of a similar age who I knew at school or know because they live in my village dies. In some cases they have passed away in the forties. I often think when will it be my turn and I hope it’s in my sleep.

i am catholic but I am not religious. The only time I have been to my parish church in recent years has been for a funeral. The last being my uncles in about 2009. I often think of calling in. I remember when Dad gothis terminal diagnosis. He phoned me. I knew he would because he had an appointment at the Linda McCartney Cancer Clinic at the Royal Liverpool Hospital. That day I was in Manchester City Centre and I called into a church there. It was a Church Of England one. I sat in a pew and cried. I often feel it would be something I would do when my mum passes. She won’t be buried there with my Dad, she also wants a cremation.

i suppose it’s part and parcel of aging. I have a chronic pain and fatigue condition. It has dramatically altered my life. I can’t work. I don’t go on holiday. I haven’t been out of our village other than for appointments in over five years. I suppose the way I feel is made worse by my lifestyle changes.

i will be speaking to a counsellor in due course for other reasons. I may just bring my thoughts about dying to them.

How do other people feel? Is it weird I feel/think this way?

Sorry about the length of this post. Thanks for reading and I wish everyone well.

Steph x

Photo is of my best friend. My chihuahua, Jack. He turned 3 on the 13th of July. I am a mum indirectly. I am a chihuahua mum and I love it!😂🐶💙

Thinking About Dying
OP posts:
Startthecar · 19/07/2025 18:17

I don't think you're being morbid OP.
Everyone who has reached 50 or more begins to think about their own mortality, or that of someone they care about.
It's when you spend too much of your time thinking about death & dying that it becomes unhealthy.
I believe that lifestyle does play a big part in how and where our mind goes.
You say you live with chronic fatigue and pain.
I'm sorry for it is very difficult for both mind and body to deal with on a regular basis.
Because of this you can't work, don't go on holiday, and rarely leave your village.
That narrows ones life and perspective but that could change if you make changes by allowing yourself to socialise somehow, somewhere, do what you can to help others in your village perhaps.
This will almost certainly occupy your mind where thoughts of death and dying used to live.
My apologies if you have already done this, it's just something that I feel is important for everyone.
You say you are going for counselling. Hopefully the counsellor will have some ideas on how to help you make some positive changes.
Your little friend Jack is lovely!
I feel that pets enrich our lives so much.
Jack clearly gives you joy and that is so beautiful.
Having our pets to get up for, to take care of, to love and to be loved by them in return is so important.
I could never imagine life without mine.
Wishing you ( and Jack ) well too Steph x

DisplayPurposesOnly · 19/07/2025 18:42

I think it's sensible to make the practical arrangements for dying (wills, body disposal, etc).

I think it's natural to increasingly feel your mortality as you age. When you're young being old feels so far in the future. When you're old(er) being young was only a couple of weeks ago!

I'm glad you're seeing a counsellor, it does sound like your mental health is not surprisingly impacted by your physical health problems. I'm a similar age, am aware that I'm older but I'm feeling fully engaged with life and living.

Jack is very cute, I bet he's great company. I have a small parrot to bequeath😂(expected lifespan 20-30 years, yikes!)

2dogsandabudgie · 19/07/2025 18:45

I think it's natural to think about getting older and dying as we age especially once you realise that you are now the older generation if parents and older relatives have passed away.

I do think about it sometimes more so if someone my age has suddenly passed away. I think it can become unhealthy like the pp said if you let death consume your thoughts more and more. Do you socialise in the village or are you completely housebound?

Your little dog is gorgeous 😍.

Glitchymn1 · 19/07/2025 18:53

You sound very organised, but you sound like you are dwelling on it a bit too much. (I do too, I don’t know why- my dad also passed from pancreatic cancer at 69).
DH doesn’t think about his demise at all. My friend 50, newly divorced, ten yea told child, also planning her funeral arrangements.
Try not to let death consume you OP- easier said than done I know.

Your little chihuahua is very cute xx

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