What do you talk about?

[Brunocatmon]

With your partners? On a day to day basis.

Politics.

Politics, thats interesting. I talk about politics with my 20 yr old dd, she loves politics.

Everything. Current affairs, politics both at home and abroad, music, films, books, tv, games, how our day’s been, future plans, memories, sports sometimes, and of course people we know!

In no particular order:

• What’s for dinner / meal planning
• Checking the calendar. What will be doing tomorrow / next week
• Holidays / weekends away
• Politics
• Books we’re reading
• Films we plan to see
• Art galleries/museums we will be visiting, & exhibitions we’re going to see
• How the (young adult) children are getting on in life, work and their studies
• Doing crosswords together
• Which tracks to dance to at our 20 minute dance parties
• Discussing and making a note of the birds bathing in our minuscule pond
• Taking the piss out of each other betwixt and between all of the above

Mostly the kids.

My DH is a good man. But unfortunately due to a certainty that he has obvious undiagnosed ASD, he monologues or info dumps (often) so it's hard to have a two way chit chat conversation. So because it drains me, I do avoid starting conversations because I end up tuning out and switching off because I don't want the afforementioned to happen (as it inevitably does)

Everything and anything. He’s my best pal.

Alls my “dp” talks to me about is money or how he’s got too much to do “ that’s when he’s not moaning at me ! X

I asked this question to get a balance of what others find to talk about.

I find that talking with my partner involves me talking a lot and her not so much.

One thing that ( for want of a better expression ) bothers me is that she never has any anecdotes, you know when people are having conversations, such as with a work colleague yesterday, we were chatting and colleague added in a relevant anecdote about her nan. My partner never, and I mean never, does that.

I have brought it up as I feel like sometimes I'm just talking at her, or providing a one way presentation. She says she enjoys listening to me talk but sometimes I just find it exhausting having to carry the conversations.

How do I get her more involved or is this something that is never going to change?

The kids/their plans
Holiday plans
What to eat this week
Our parents
Tv programmes
Some current affairs although I try not to watch the news as it’s depressing
women’s rights 😉

I find we have less to talk about since retirement as he would travel a lot with work so always had stuff to discuss/rant about.

The project we're working on.
Memories.
Other people.
Our friends and family.
Our house and garden.
Exercise.
Our hobbies and interests.
What we're going to eat, what we're eating and what we've eaten.
Books, films,
Plans.
Nonsense.

The news, current affairs, what's on telly,

Perhaps your partner is just a quiet person who doesn't feel the need to fill silences OP. Does she talk about her own interests and hobbies? Are you interested when she does?

If you find always making the conversation exhausting then can you not relax and just enjoy the peace in between chats?

Hobbies (several shared and separate)
families
mutual friends
work
lots of laughter -that’s the best part

lots of laughter -that’s the best part

I love that. It is the best part.

Different things every day, sometimes not much because we’re both quiet and other days allsorts.
I don’t consider dh my best friend though! I love him very much but he’s not very discrete so I’m often careful about telling him things that aren’t for sharing!!

Current affairs, cats, cycling, bowel movements, travelling.

She is quiet around me, not so much around other people.

She doesnt have any hobbies. I've been paying attention recently and she talks about her work ( she's a carer ), she talks about the residents, sometimes the staff.

Sounds like she’s comfortable being quiet with you.

Do you ask her questions?

She does send me pictures of what the cats are doing.

She'll ask what we're going to do if we are making plans to see each other.

I do but I feel like im interviewing her because she'll answer the question but won't elaborate or add anything.

For instance.....( not an actual conversation )
Me - how long were your nan and grandad married?
Her - 50 years.

That would be it, nothing like, 50 years, nan was a war bride, their parents were against it as they were so young etc etc

If I want to know any more i'd have to ask.

She doesnt ask me anything, I volunteer stuff....

For instance - driving around... me - oh I used to work there,

Myself and my friends used to hang out there...

Etc

Do you know what I mean?

Politics
Our elderly mothers' needs.
Maintenance/bookings/running of our house in France
The garden - what the gardener hasn't done this week!
Work - what is challenging and who is irking us
What the DC are up to (27 and 30)
Music - DH is an opera buff

DH talks about how untidy the house is - it's immaculate

In order of frequency
The cat
Planning food, cooking, DIY etc boring stuff
Elderly parents and other declining family
Young family members including adult ds
Planning fun stuff, weekends, travel, retirement
TV we are watching together
Money
His band
Our health
Current and local affairs
The neighbours
Jigsaws, gaming, tech, the garden, other hobbies

How long have you been together? I’m guessing not long if you are only now noticing this about her. If so, you just aren’t compatible.

If you’ve been together for some time and she has only recently started behaving this way, maybe she is avoiding saying more. Are you forthright with your opinions? Do you feel it is helpful for people to be told when they are wrong? There are lots of reasons why she might be reluctant to fully engage in conversation with you in the same way she does with friends. One of them might be that she has learned that conversations with you don’t always go well and she walks on eggshells to avoid that

We've been together 2 and a half years on and off.

I've mentioned it a few times over that time. I'm more of a people pleaser than someone who is frank with my opinions if anything. She just says, ask me anything and I'll tell you.

We broke up last year because of something she did, not an affair, and I feel like since we got back together 7 months ago she's even quieter, as if she's afraid to rock the boat and is on her best behaviour.

Having read your posts OP I don't think you and she are compatible.

Relationships aren't meant to be this complicated, fraught and on and off.