How to tell DD about dyslexia assessment?

[Smowk]

DD is 8 but academically, emotionally and maturity-wise quite behind. She is being assessed for dyslexia as a starting point to try and identify what her needs are.

She is quite sensitive at the moment about being behind her peers and being different in any way, and I want to explain it in a way that doesn’t make her think she’s different etc.

It is next week. Thanks

I’d frame it as someone having a good chat with her to see what extra help could be available. That people’s minds work in different ways, so this might help us get a better idea of how your mind works. Everyone has their own unique mix of skills and ways of doing things.

Tbh I would start explaining what dyslexia is now. You could use some of the resources from Made by Dyslexia (eg ‘dyslexic thinking’ being a valuable skill) to help you both understand and tap into the advantages of it.

Not the same but dc1 is autistic, dc2 is starting the pathway. Both present very differently. I've yet to approach the subject but we'll follow the same lines as dc1. There's nothing wrong with you, your brain is unique as anyone else's. You find some things harder and some things easier. We all have strengths and weaknesses, but we only learn and grow when we know how our brain and body works and how we can help ourselves. There's nothing wrong with being asthmatic or diabetic, there's nothing wrong with ASD. Everyone is different in every way.

For now I would say you’re going to see someone who is going to find out how best the teachers can help her in school.

Your dd knows she's struggling and feels different - a dyslexia diagnosis explains exactly why that is. She is different from kids that aren't ND, because if she has dyslexia then she is ND - and that's not something to be ashamed of. That's the message you're going to give her though if you are not upfront, open and honest about it IMO.

Personally I'd start by asking her if she has heard of dyslexia before - you or she may know of others with it in her school. If not then give her a brief overview. Maybe start by saying people with dyslexia tend to have average or above average intelligence and that there are quite a lot of famous people with dyslexia - it means they can find certain like reading, writing or spelling more difficult but they may be stronger in other areas such as being really creative. Then say you've been wondering if dd might be dyslexic because she's brilliant at x but finds y more difficult sometimes.

If you're clam, collected and matter of fact about it like it's no big deal then that is what she will take away from it. It might be a huge relief for her to find out that there is a name and explanation for her struggles. DS is autistic and we were just open and honest about it.

It is very hard. I went through similar with my son. To be honest, school had the worst effect on his self esteem. I would say it will help to understand why she may find it harder to do some things at school but that plenty of very famous people were dyslexic (Google - but Roald Dahl is one). I would acknowledge that it's hard to be different but in the long run it can be a good thing and it's better to find out now why she is finding things more difficult because there might be things which can make school easier and more fun for her. I would not try and pretend she isn't different (I think I did this with DS) as it does no favours as he is very much aware he is. He passed dyslexia screen possibly because he was taught phonics so thoroughly. He is dyspraxic, ADHD diagnosed and probably ASC but that's not diagnosed. It's always been very hard for him, especially comparing to his siblings. He is very very very sensitive which is what made us think it wasn't on autism spectrum but recently realised this can actually be a sign.

If it’s a full on assessment you need to be honest to prepare her for it. Ours was 3 hours long and pretty intense. The assessment provider sent me a letter to share with my daughter which explained it in child friendly terms. Could you ask for something similar?

The wording on ours was things like we’re going to have a chat about what is easy and what is hard at school to see if there are things that could make learning easier. You’ll be given some activities and puzzles to help understand how your brain works. It also explained that unlike school the puzzles would end when they got tricky and there would be a chance for toilet and snack breaks etc.

Could you present it as a way to get the help she needs?

I am dislexic and was diagnosed at 8. My educational needs statement records how upset I was at the time because my younger brother was ahead of me at reading books. I was lucky enough to get lots of support throughout primary and secondary that ment I could catch up with peers on reading at least. Can't spell still but spell check is always there.

Could you also sell the positives of being dislexic? Like great creative thinking, problem solving and pattern recognition. . All of these things help me in my job much more than being able to spell does. Not read it but there is a book called dislexia is my super power.

Also don't know if it's true, but I was also told that MI5 and MI6 actively recruit dislexics because of our superior pattern recognition skills.

Good luck with it all.

Ds was 8 when he had his ‘full’ assessment for dyslexia. He had previously had a screener the year before. I was open & honest about it, explaining what it was, what it was for, & how it could support her going forward. He is very behind in most subjects, so aware of it. We talked about it positively, always do. His diagnosis has helped him so much, it also diagnosed dyscalculia. There were lots of positives of assessment, it highlighted stuff he excels in too.
I work with with SEN children now & how parents tackle it, react & move forward with assessment & diagnosis makes the world of difference.

We said to help identify what extra help ds might need to make writing at school easier. We didn't over play it though.

When asked what the assessment involved we said it was short games to see how his brain worked and it would be interesting to see what he found easy and what was hard. That was all true

DS1 first had an EP assessment at about 9, I think I told him he was going to do some little tests and games to find out how he learned and what we can do to help with his learning. I wouldn't even mention Dyslexia unless you are very sure that is what it is. DS1 was diagnosed with dyspraxia and we were told watch and wait with possible dyslexia, then just over a year later was diagnosed with dyslexia. Now I think dyslexia, some joint hyper mobility and ADHD is actually a better fit, the balance of what he struggles with most has shifted somewhat with age.

My DD is very sensitive about being perceived to be ‘different’ to her friends and is the youngest in her class. When she went through testing at six/seven we simply explained that everyone is different and we all learn in different ways but that school sometimes only understand one way to teach so her ‘appointments’ were to help us and the school to understand how she learns so we could be better for her.

We went through this a few weeks ago. We were totally honest. Explained what dyslexia was and that the assessor was coming to do some games and tests to see what help we can get for her. She actually enjoyed the assessment. It was 4 hours long with a couple of breaks. We are now waiting for the report. A good assessor will know how to get the beat out of the assessment.

DD is 10 but she was really pleased to hear it wasn’t that she was stupid; but that it’s because her brain processes information differently to her teachers / friends.

So I’d find a way to reassure her that different isn’t bad.

Thanks everyone.

I think I’ll take this kind of approach. The problem with mentioning or explaining about dyslexia is that she may not even have it, then might feel even worse or more confused.

All responses really appreciated, thank you

My DD's dyslexia is her super power, because that's how I've framed it. It makes her amazing at Lego, making up song lyrics, and loads of other stuff. But it means she doesn't make out words as quickly as other kids. We have a book about how the jungle animals and if you judge an elephant by its ability to climb a tree and all that jazz.

I've given her loads of reassurance that being able to read written text at speed only really matters in primary, when she gets to high school there'll be loads of assistive tech etc.

If you haven't yet I'd invest in Toe by Toe as well, it's made a remarkable difference to us.

You can say they are doing tests to see how they learn so we can help you with that as a good assessor will be picking this up from the tests that they do.

My daughter had her assessment on Monday and knew about it for a while, she knows she struggles a lot with spelling and that her teachers thought this would help figure out why, we told her it was just doing some activities to help figure out how her brain works.

I think I said a lady was going to see her at school and ask some questions (full assessment). I didn't mention dyslexia as I wasn't sure of the outcome. The EP called me afterwards to say yes she's very dyslexic and had dyspraxia too which I shared with the school.

I didn't know how to tell her, so left it for a few weeks. When I'd framed my thoughts and finally spoke to her, she said "It's ok Miss Teacher told me a few weeks ago!"

I wasn't cross at the teacher at all, and realised I should have been far more up front with DD from the start. You live and learn!

My two are both dyslexic, one autistic too and the other about to start referral to see if there's more than dyslexia in the mix.

They've always been self-aware of their difficulties so it's always been straight-forward to explain that we're investigating what they find tricky, why, and how we can help work around that and also what their strengths are.

Knowing from age 7-9 why their brains process information in the way that they do has been positive for them. They know that they're not stupid, lazy etc and all those other negative words that get put on children that struggle.