If you have a 17yo boy?

[Limoncello16]

Or around that sort of age. Do you spend much time with them 1-1?

If so what sort of activities do you do together?

Edited to say, I think it’s a way to lose connection at this age but I’m interested to see how others do things.

My son is slightly younger but I guess we maintain the connection by me giving him lifts to places where we chat in the car. We also watch TV together a couple of times a week. And in the holidays, I take him out to lunch or the odd day at a theme park.
We definitely don’t spend loads of time together anymore and he mostly prefers seeing his friends so I just try to enjoy the time I have with him.

Yes, but he was home schooled so we have a habit of doing things together.

We rock climb, cook, garden/diy 1-1, we also do other things with dh and ds2 together.

What works best ime is asking him if he would help me with x rather than make it a 'this is a big program we are doing as a bonding exercise' thing. So 'I'd like to go climbing and need someone to belay me, are you willing to come? Then we chat in the car on the way there, climb for a bit, grab a coffee/snack and have another chat, and chat on the car on the way back. A lovely few hours.

Similarly with diy/gardening. I need someone tall/strong to help with this, are you willing? And then a few hours of working together which most often goes with long chats.

I find it a lovely way to spend time together.

My son recently turned 18. I know what you mean, there is a natural shift that occurs around this age to more separation from their parents and wanting to spend more time alone in their rooms rather than hanging out with their parents etc. To a certain extent you just have to accept it but I agree it’s good to find ways of keeping the connection alive.

We share a similar sarcastic sense of humour and liking for dystopia/fantasy in entertainment. So we will often watch comedy shows or movies/TV shows together and chat about them.

We also both love musical theatre so enjoy going to see them together (and he will tolerate my interest in ballet occasionally and come along with me to that too).

I’m planning to take him out to a proper stand up comedy night together now he’s 18. Also a jazz club as we both like jazz music.

We had a very successful holiday a few years back skiing together so we’ve also talked about doing that again.

Ds is a bit older at 19 but we watch a series together (the three of us) about once a week. Ds takes me for lunch about once a month and vice versa. We fo to comic con together twice a year and we go to the cinema about every other month to watch retro 80s movies at our independent cinema. He goes to gigs with his dad as they both love metal /rock music. He does plenty with friends /gf too. He doesn't come on Uk holidays with us anymore but he's definitely coming to California with us next month! We didn't just start doing these things though, we've always done them

The occasional dog walk.

otherwise he only really chats to me in the car on the way home from school, 15 mins drive (He is silent in the morning) or 5 minutes here or there when he’s making a cup of tea.

we doesn’t want to do things with me

My son is 17 and he has pulled away from us in the last couple of years; he goes to the gym, has a girlfriend, is just at home less. We all watch, and discuss, rugby together and have all been watching Wimbledon.

We've connected a fair bit in the past couple of months as we've been going to University open days together, and talking about his UCAS application.

There is a natural pulling away though, and that's got to be positive as he will be off to university next year and will have to stand on his own two feet for the first time.

Mine's 21 now but things haven't changed much. Giving lifts and driving practice (mine plays a team sport and needs lifts to and from plus I've just had three years of driving him back and forth from uni as public transport to his was hard). We have a lot of shared interests, gardening, football, nature conservation and wildlife so we garden together, talk about it a lot, visit NT type places, go to occasional football matches (I go with my friends from school so he's part of our gang now along with some of their DC). With my DD we go to the theatre and cinema together and are part of a pub quiz team, she does a sport with DH and also needs lifts quite a lot. DH is involved in some of these things too, but theatre, football and gardening are just me.

The downside is that DH and I still don't get as much free time without them as some friends our age who hardly see their DCs but are always going away at weekends etc.

We watch something on tv together (usually a sit com) every night as a family, have a movie night at home at the weekends, and will do a boardgame together at weekends too. We also go to the cinema - it’s great now we can see horrors and other 15+ movies together - and sometimes I’ll make him go to the theatre if it’s something genuinely good that he won’t hate. He’ll also go on a walk with me from time to time which is good for chats. He plays videogames with his dad but that’s beyond me. I’m aware it won’t last much longer so am trying to make the most of it and he seems to genuinely enjoy our company still which helps.

I have a ds17.... probably not a huge amount but we occasionally go on long walks together and he will sometimes come food shopping with me if he wants to choose something himself.

Not a huge amount as he is in his bedroom mostly, as I was at that age. We have spent some one on one time looking round universities recently, traveling there, eating out etc. The odd concert, theatre trip, shopping. Very occasionally I will get him to watch something on TV with me.
He does do that teen thing of suddenly deciding to come and chat with me at 11 at night when I want to go to bed!

I have a DSS just turning 18 if that counts?

Lifts in the car are good got chats, asking him to help me with stuff I know he probably won’t mind doing (a shopping trip to get garden stuff with a beer afterwards) and booking up things (gigs, theatre) that I know we’ll both enjoy but it wouldn’t occur to him / he couldn’t afford to do himself. Paying for holidays.!. same as his sister who is just turning 21
.

Ds2 is 17. We have regular chats, watch tv, sometimes play on the x box. We do a thing we call "top gear racing" where he runs to the shops about 20 minutes walk away and i get the bus and we see who gets there first.

Mine a bit older, while at sixth form college if studying at home on days I work from home we'd break for lunch and chat. We generally have dinner together at the table if he's not out with mates. We have similar taste in music as he likes retro stuff and we like films/movies so we have a lot to chat about. We often stream a movie together in the early evening.

He did confide in me when a girl in sixth form flirted with him, went on a few walks kinda dates and then dated someone else. He wanted to know if I agreed that she was basically trying to woo the other guy by making him jealous. I approached this cautiously. He said his mates thought she'd used him so it seemed ok to be in agreement with that (which I was anyway). He's since met someone much nicer.

Not a lot no.

We often have a bit of a chat when he comes in at night. Because the younger children have gone to bed it feels a bit more private for him I think.

Food is often a winner - sadly the days of cheap McDonalds have passed! But if we invite him to a local diner or sushi place he will often accept and then we get a bit of a chat.

If family are visiting then he will usually come and join us for things we are doing with them.

I took him to Paris for a weekend for his 16th birthday - that was fun. We did some touristy things (and he dragged me into Uniqlo!) but again the highlight was food.

I don't drive but DH does and giving him a lift somewhere is a way to chat as well.

Also we newly (for the last year) have a garden, lighting a fire or BBQ seems to draw him out of his pit as well.

Ds is 17 next month. We swim & practice karate together.

Or rather, in karate, he's a more senior grade than me and ignores me during classes, but we go there & back together. 😁

We sometimes cook together and he'll help me in the garden if I ask. We are currently building a double step up from the garden to the French windows. He's doing it as a building project to include in his personal statement for uni (photos etc). I'm helping, taking the photos & encouraging

We go on holiday together, although I suspect that will end the moment he's earning.

We're going to some uni open days together.

Mine is 19 and his brother is 22. At the moment Ds2 is home from uni, Dh and Ds1 work from home 3 days a week. That means everyone comes together for lunch at a set time.

We watch tv shows together at lunch and we eat dinner together every night, most outings or meeting mates happen after food, we sometimes pull dinner forward to accommodate that too. We watch tv shows and films at the weekend and chat about them. If we do a supermarket shop they come and help unpack the shopping without being asked, they know we are going and so come and put things away. We chat whilst this happens also when dinner is being made they hang round the kitchen. If I am cooking I have music on and Ds1 is massively into his music.

They don't have tech in their bedrooms, it is downstairs so if you pop in to see them it doesn't feel like you are invading their private space.

If you feel the drift, try to find something tv show wise he would watch with you, gives you guaranteed time together and something to talk about. Or music is the other one, ask him what he recommends you listen to.

My sons are older.
However at 17 one had more or less moved in with his then girl friend and we saw him most nights on his way home from work. He was an apprentice then and worked nearby. We had meals out twice a month and id see him at spinning class. Ds2 at 17 was a different kettle of fish, still at home had a girlfriend that he had been going out with fir a year at that point. However he didnloads with us. Sometimes, just him sometimes with gf but we hiked in the lake district frequently, went out on our mountain bikes, cycled in Scotland, he tinkered about with cars with his dad.

Now they are adults we see both of them and their girlfriends so much they may as well move back, they are never away and always planning something!

Mine's a little older but we play a lot of board and card games and watch some old films/series that I recommend to him.