Please tell me your nursery settling in horror stories...

[SealMum]

...and how it was all alright in the end?!

Half joking - I'm sure it will be OK in the end, it's only been a few days. But DD 13 months has just started nursery and it's probably going normally, but it's feeling quite bad. I'm back at work in a couple of weeks so I need her to be able to do full days by then - but let's just say I'm very relieved I gave us a few weeks to settle. Please reassure me!

In the nicest way possible, I really don't want to hear anything about it not being OK please.

My little boy cried so much for the first 8 weeks or so. He has a brain injury from birth so his development is delayed in areas but it took him a while to settle and he was very clingy with his key worker but eventually he did settle. I remember her saying to me after 6 weeks if he didn't settle we would have to have a chat but I thought what on earth is she going to suggest coz I'm back at work now and he needs to be there 😂 He's now 3.5 and goes 4 full days and he loves it. Sometimes just gives me a cursory wave and wanders into the room. It's also been utterly brilliant for his development and helping his delays. Sometimes they can take a while to settle but once they find their feet, usually they enjoy it.

Same age son, The first couple of weeks were so tough he wasn't eating or sleeping there and he was distraught at drop of and same emotional and clingy and wimpery at pick up

However after a couple weeks he started cuddling the staff when we arrived and having his breakfast and playing with the toys and sleeping.

Over a year later he still occasionally cries at drop off but it's a 'this isn't what I want right now' cry not a distraught cry. And he seems to have lots of fun in the playground and in his language lessons and he's made some nice friends and talks to them cutely!

Thank you so much - this is so helpful. @Unexpectedlysinglemum the distraught crying at drop off and nor eating and sleeping is so hard - then it becomes a vicious cycle of being hungry and overtired. I'm so glad it worked out for your son - I know it'll be OK in the end and I know it's the right thing to do, but I needed to hear this!

@Poobs2022 thank goodness your DS settled in time! I'm so worried about the same thing which is ridiculous as it's only been a few days. This is so good to hear and I'm glad your little boy is doing so well.

My son (14m) cried every day for the first 8 weeks and they said he was the toughest kid to settle they’d ever had.

It continued until just over 6 months. I massively regret it. Became a sahm when he was 2… haven’t sent our next children to nursery till they were older

Right @SealMum here I am to make you feel better!
Everyone told me children love going to childcare, he won't even miss you for a single second ...

First day and our then 12 month old would not eat or drink (or nap) and our Childminder really couldn't keep him all day like that, so I had to take unexpected annual leave.

For the next 2 months he would not nap and became more and more tired and fractious every day he was there. It was incredibly stressful; we were aware he was upsetting the other child and causing a really difficult atmosphere. Our Childminder was making noises about whether it was the right environment. I fantasised every day about winning the Euromillions so we wouldn't have to work and be putting ourselves through this misery.

2 months in and things finally settled down. He started to have a little nap and everyone was much happier. 18 months later he has lovely times, eats absolutely everything he is given, and really enjoys himself. Even now he still tells me regularly he wants to stay home, but we've not won Euromillions yet so on we go!

Oh my, you have just taken me back 27 years to when I was settling DD into nursery, I can't remember how long it took but it did happen and she loved it so much. You will both get there ❣️

@CurbsideProphet and @Sunshineandrainbow I love you both, thank you!

It does get better! My little one was doing settling sessions at 11 months old and she was unhappy at drop off for a few weeks, wouldn’t take a bottle and struggled to nap for long. For us it only took a few weeks, but I was told by many friends to give it 2 months. My little one couldn’t love nursery more now, she goes running in every day, doesn’t want to leave, has so much fun!

I actually remember the day she didn't cry for the first time and thought oh no she doesn't need me anymore 😄

Oh wow. It will be ok OP.

my youngest for sure.

long story short.

twins, then another then another.

lockdown, covid. Blah blah.

I work in the playgroup, age two to three.

so by the time she got to nursery, due to elderly family, life and general stress, she had never ever been left.

she started her school nursery January 2024. Age 3. And screamed bloody murder until after Easter. No joke.

we tried everything. I was in the room next door. We did mornings, days, short stints, me going in, long stints, a break. Nothing worked. I had to do my own work hours, the entire building was disrupted. Luckily, by child four I trusted the staff and I knew the cry’s.

she finished this June for school. The nursery staff said she was their biggest achievement and turnaround. 🫣

that’s quite something given the challenges they have faced and the work they do.

made me feel like the worse mother ever.

but she ran that nursery this year. She just needed to find herself. Now she runs the house.

Our LO was ok at drop off right from the start, and seemed ok when she was there: her key worker always said she was happily playing with the toys etc. She also ate ok. Started at 11.5 months.

However, she WOULD NOT nap. Many, many days of either no nap, or something like a 20-minute cat nap. Her nighttime sleep also fell apart, after she’d been sleeping through. Looking back, she was overtired yes, but I think it was also separation anxiety: she was ok at drop off but etc. but was acting on her separation anxiety at night? She’d often only settle when co-sleeping with DH or me, so clearly she wanted that closeness.

It took around 3 months to settle. Then out of nowhere, she started sleeping through the night. Then naps followed, including at nursery. She still isn’t one of those kids that does a 2.5 hour nap at nursery, but she does at least nap every day now, around 1-1.5 hours usually.

It’s hard in the moment, but give it time.