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BIG WARNING - Don't bother with Cruse bereavement care unless you're over the age of 60

31 replies

Ilovepastafortea · 17/07/2025 20:34

Don't bother with them. In 1994 (I was 31 years old, late DH same age - 7 days older than me).

When my husband committed suicide (he was the manager of local Arts Centre) I contacted Cruse & was invited to just call into their regular meeting in the local Arts Centre, they wouldn't have known this but that my husband ran. it

I walked up the High St, confronted by newspaper A boards outside shops saying 'Local Arts Centre Manager found Dead on Boxing Day' (it was me who found him dead on the living room carpet in a mess of vomit etc (an overdose is not pretty) early on Boxing Day morning) into the Arts Centre with his picture still showing draped in black in the reception area saying 'Martin Our Manager', past his office door which still had his name on it, went to the room was greeted at the door by a woman who told me that I'd obviously lost my way as this was a meeting for the bereaved & the Weight Watchers was down the corridor- at the time I weighed 5.5 stone - very underweight not that makes a difference, it was the fact that she assumed that a woman in her 30's wasn't bereaved despite the fact that the manager of the facility in which they were holding their meeting was in his early 30's & they knew that he'd killed himself.

I just left, crying.

Since then I have always told people to avoid Cruse.

OP posts:
Submariner · 17/07/2025 22:11

OP, I'm so sorry that you feel responsible for your colleague. That's not your fault or your responsibility, even though it may feel like it. It's your own trauma talking.

I too had a shitty experience with Cruse after my baby died 14 years ago. I understand that each branch and each representative will be different, but my overwhelming feeling on seeing their name is anger. Not very logical, but then people with sudden traumatic grief are not always logical! It took me 9 years after that cold response to feel I was deserving of support, and paying for counselling did me the world of good at that point. I hope you have some support around you. ❤️

Ilovepastafortea · 17/07/2025 22:13

Dotto · 17/07/2025 21:41

I'm sorry, but your advice is 30 years out of date and is simply scaremongering.

You are not responsible for anybody else's mental health. If somebody ends their own life it is 100% their own business.

You really don't sound well OP, have you seen your GP recently? Medication, counselling..

Yes, been on anti-depressants for the last 40+ years on & off - but mostly on. When in university was prescribed Ativan - that was the first time I tried to kill myself. Been on Seroxat - another suicide attempt, this time I took a big overdose of..yes,...Seroxat. It's now known that increased feelings of low self-worth & suicide.

Currently on 20mg Mirtazapine, which is OK.

But, yes, am feeling very low time to talk to the doctor.

Thank you for your concern. I may feel rather low, but I'm OK.

OP posts:
Ilovepastafortea · 17/07/2025 22:15

Submariner · 17/07/2025 22:11

OP, I'm so sorry that you feel responsible for your colleague. That's not your fault or your responsibility, even though it may feel like it. It's your own trauma talking.

I too had a shitty experience with Cruse after my baby died 14 years ago. I understand that each branch and each representative will be different, but my overwhelming feeling on seeing their name is anger. Not very logical, but then people with sudden traumatic grief are not always logical! It took me 9 years after that cold response to feel I was deserving of support, and paying for counselling did me the world of good at that point. I hope you have some support around you. ❤️

Oh darling how very terrible for you. to lose a baby is the worst thing. My heart goes out to you.

I had 3 children, but many miscarriages n between. I grieve for every baby that I lost. 😍

OP posts:
Ilovepastafortea · 17/07/2025 22:20

Thank you all for your responses, You have been very supportive. I need to go to bed now as have work tomorrow.

Good night all.

And as the late great Dave Allen (remember him?, if not Google him) said 'May your God go with you'. xxx

edited for a typo - Replaced Bow for Now, possibly a Friedan slip LOL!

OP posts:
Submariner · 17/07/2025 22:22

Ilovepastafortea · 17/07/2025 22:15

Oh darling how very terrible for you. to lose a baby is the worst thing. My heart goes out to you.

I had 3 children, but many miscarriages n between. I grieve for every baby that I lost. 😍

I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you've dealt with a lot. It takes strength to get through that, which you clearly have in buckets, but it often needs outside help too. Glad to hear you're planning to speak to the docs and glad to hear you're planning an early night and being kind to yourself. Being so upset is a sign of being a caring person, but you don't have to shoulder it all or feel responsible. Hope tomorrow feels a bit brighter for you.

Ilovepastafortea · 17/07/2025 22:26

Submariner · 17/07/2025 22:22

I'm sorry to hear that. Sounds like you've dealt with a lot. It takes strength to get through that, which you clearly have in buckets, but it often needs outside help too. Glad to hear you're planning to speak to the docs and glad to hear you're planning an early night and being kind to yourself. Being so upset is a sign of being a caring person, but you don't have to shoulder it all or feel responsible. Hope tomorrow feels a bit brighter for you.

OMG what kind words thank you.

I REALLY NEED TO SIGN OFF NOW. Goodnight you lovely kind supportive women. 😘

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