Forgotten how to look forward to things

[Mum7644885]

I know it’s a ridiculous title, but as I’ve gotten a bit older and had two kids, I feel like I don’t know what makes me happy anymore.

I don’t look forward to anything any more. Myself and my partner earn good money but between bills, mortgage, childcare etc I have nothing left for myself every month, Ive ran the figures and cant seem to make any changes to that.

We don’t have much help so cant plan dates etc, can’t afford to by myself something nice for a short term hit. I miss spending quality time with my partner and there is no sign of that for a good 5 months. I kind of wish I could take a step back from work to be more present with my kids but I can’t afford to do that either.

I’m lacking fulfilment which I know sounds horrendous as I’m a mum to two beautiful healthy children and I’m blessed but kind of feel like I’m not sure what I’m working towards ? Or like there is nothing left for me any more. Does any one else feel like this ?

I feel like I’m really stuck, Ive finished having kids, I have no money for big holidays, home improvements, cant change my job right now. I need to figure out how to really enjoy the little things and be in the moment but quite honestly I have no idea how to find the happiness in the little things/wins any more, I don’t even know what makes me tick to be honest.

If I’m being totally honest, I find the only thing that gives me a sense of happiness right now is buying new things … and they can be super small and in expensive but that’s pathetic, there is more to life than having nice/new S**t.

side note - I know I’m very lucky, I know things could be so much worse, I’m so blessed to have my health and my family’s health, I’m thankful I can pay my bills and I’m not in debt, I’m also not depressed but probably quite low and depleted and I know this is just a total ramble / rant

I’m blessed but kind of feel like I’m not sure what I’m working towards ? Or like there is nothing left for me any more. Does any one else feel like this?

I don’t. But I have before. I think you’ve lost your identity. You’re someone’s mum, someone’s wife, someone’s employee, the person who manages the house and contributes to the bills. When was the last time you were just you?

I think you need to make some serious lifestyle changes if you want to change your life because it sounds like you’re living right to the very edge of your means. Get on the money saving expert site and ask the forums for some help in reducing your costs. Try to resist the urge to buy stuff for a short term hit. Try selling stuff instead. See if you get a thrill from making a sale. Or exercise. Run round the park until you can’t run anymore. You need to find something that makes you feel good that you can fit in around everything else. Something you can feel passionate about. Can you garden? Can you bake? Can you draw? What used to make you happy? Before your DH and your DC? Dancing? Yoga? Reading?

If you can’t do the exciting evenings you used to be able to do with your DH anymore, put the DC to bed early, sit out in the garden with a bottle of wine and just have a chat. Or play cards. Play drinking games if you want to. Talk about what you’d do if you won the lottery. Make a playlist of songs that were in the charts when you were teenagers, or early twenties. Things that bring back memories you can talk about. Put a ban on phones. If you’re knackered, watch a box set together or have a bath together. No phones is the important bit, so you’re forced to give the other all your attention.