Child bitten at nursery - what do you do?

[twobabiesandapup]

Hi all, my 19 month old boy has been at nursery since January, he loves it there, always has. Always trots in with a massive smile and leaves happily. I’m very satisfied with the nursery in general, the staff are really approachable and personable and the children seem to love them, plus we get regular updates throughout the day via the app so we’re very much in the loop of what happens throughout the day.

So herein lies the problem, a few months ago the staff reported that my son had been bitten, not enough to break the skin but enough to cause a relatively angry imprint in his arm. I felt like I was quite reasonable at the time and said I understand that children of this age do bite, and as a one off I’m not concerned however if this becomes a regular pattern it will obviously change things. Today they reported another incident of him being bitten, I’ll have further clarification once I collect him but I’m curious as to how others have handled these situations. I’m certainly not a helicopter parent but I don’t want this to become the norm and become “no big deal” if it continues to happen. I’d like to help prevent further instances but have no idea how best to handle this with the nursery. I don’t want to be combative which I fear I’m at risk of doing at 11 days post partum 😅 but equally I do want them to understand that I don’t find it acceptable for my son to both learn this behaviour from nursery and repeat it, nor develop any anxiety or fear of going.

Any help welcome - thank you so much

2 bites in a “few months”

nah, I wouldn’t be too concerned

especially presuming he continue to go in as happy as Larry

It will happen occasionally. If it was every day I’d be asking questions - but occasionally I think is to be expected.

They (and their friends) just grow out of it. I don’t think I had any biting reports after mine left the baby room.

Some little children just do bite. I don't think twice a few months apart is a regular pattern. I guess the only thing you might do is ask whether it's always the same child biting and what they're doing to supervise that specific child, but it's just as likely to be different children. At my DCs' nursery they're quite proactive and will separate large clusters of children if they look like they're about to get bitey, but they can't prevent it happening altogether.

Ah ok thank you both, this puts my mind at rest a bit. As a first time parent and “nursery user” it’s impossible to know where the line is and at what point to worry. Perhaps it’s more normal than I thought, just upsets me that he’s always the bite-ee!

As above, some toddlers go through the developmental stage of biting. Two bites a few months apart wouldn't concern me overly.

What would you expect to be done if your child was the biter?

Told about it. And not much more than that.

unless regular occurrence, the. I’d expect to be called in for a chat

We had to sign a form once because our child had bitten. A few months later we signed a form to say our son had been bitten.
It’s completely normal in that age bracket and so long as its not daily/weekly I really wouldn’t be concerned at all.

DD was bitten a few times, unfortunately it’s just a stage some kids go through. I was relatively okay with it! I was especially understanding when it was my turn and she became a pincher

2 bites in a few months I wouldn’t be concerned, and I also don’t hold the nursery to a higher standard that I can keep up myself. I was in the “how can you not prevent kids biting” camp until one day my 1 year old randomly turned around and bit me, your child could be the biter next week- developmentally really quite normal for the age. Wouldn’t worry me.

It’s just one of these things. My 10-month old bit another baby last week, I was horrified. Me and the other mum were sitting right next to them all the time ready to jump in when they grab each other etc, but this bite happened in a split second and neither one of us could prevent it. If it happened at nursery 1-2 a week I’d be concerned but every few months is to be expected I think.

I don’t think I would be too worried at twice a few months apart. I would enquire if it was the same child. Obviously they can’t tell you who but just so I know if it becomes a pattern. If it’s 2 separate children then he is just unlucky but if its the same child and it happens again then I would be asking what they are doing to prevent this.

Also to add, it’s often not malicious at this age, it’s not necessarily like the other child bullied your little one. My baby was smiling all the way through when the bite happened, he wanted to play and was overexcited.

DS was bitten afew times, months apart.

Sadly it's just a stage they all go through.

he was bit one day, then he bit someone the next (thankfully only ever done it once)

i do find it's harder for the parents, on both sides.

If staff are aware that a child is going through a particular biting phase, all they can do is keep an eye out, try to learn and anticipate the triggers e.g. over excitement, possessiveness over toys, getting frustrated and intervene asap. Even if you were on a one to one setup, which nurseries aren't, and standing right over the child, a bite can come out of nowhere and happen in a split second.

I had a week where I signed a couple of incident forms because DD had been bitten and then one more because she had bitten her friend. Then they stopped thank god! It’s a phase, unfortunately she was in a room where there were lots of them close in age going through the same phase!

Thanks again so much everyone for your replies, I really wasn’t sure what was considered the norm so this has really made me feel much better. As mentioned I had no experience of what happened in nursery prior to my son starting in January, so everything is still relatively new to me. It’s reassuring to read that two bites in a few months isn’t considered prolific and that my boy is unlikely to become traumatised!

I don't blame you for writing this thread because I remember being anxious about it too when my DS was at nursery, he was only 1 the first time he was bitten (on his face!) and I qwas quite upset when it happened a second time.

The only question I'd be asking is, if it's the same child, what they're doing to keep them separate now. If it's different children I'd just shrug it off.