Need support

[Boborabbit]

My child called me motherfucker tonight. When she was off on one
I never thought I'd be here.
She's 11
Language is disgusting
I know my child has problems with things and I'm not doing this thread for judgement or advice particularly
Just upset and never thought I'd be here and I'm sure I'm dealing with it all wrong
Never thought I'd be here having to deal with all this
It's so hard doing it by yourself dealing with this. Then a part of me gets used to it and hardened to it.
It's all my fault.
I'm finding tonight particularly hard and could do with some support

What should I ask for if I speak to the GP about this?

I mean what do you think they would be able to offer?

I would also say, don’t take CAHMS word as gospel they are hugely oversubscribed and in my experience will not tell you to go a diagnoses route if that is what you believe it to be. They may be better in your area though.

@Boborabbiti would imagine if you write down the issues you are having and also speak to your daughter about how she is feeling they will discuss her mental health. I don’t know your personal circumstances or hers but is she struggling with anxiety or depression? and if you think there’s a possibility of her being ND you can start the referral process for being assessed.

Please look at this. It sounds very much like my niece

panspandasuk.org/

They can also signpost support for her, is she having trouble sleeping etc? I would go in with a full list of issues she’s having, behavioral etc and don’t leave until you get some sort of support from them. It isn’t normal for her to be feeling so distressed she is acting like this, there is obviously something else going on unless there has been a traumatic event or something happening recently that has caused her to act like this?

Please please stop saying you’re probably not doing the right thing! Being a parent is so bloody hard and we all just try to do what we see as best at the time. Sometimes it works and it’s great. Sometimes it’s trial and error!

I found with mine that walking away and “not giving them the rise” and giving them the silent treatment when they go off on one is the best way for us. I don’t get into a slagging match and once they’ve calmed down it’s a discussion as to why they said what they did or behaved how they did how they felt at the time and how it made me feel. Don’t get me wrong it’s awful and I will usually cry my eyes out at what a failure I am so I understand the self blame part. I guess it’s easy to give advice and not so much to take it!!

I don't think she has depression or anxiety no.
Although sometimes I think some of the outbursts might stem from a little feeling of being anxious/worried about something. Something that shouldn't cause the outburst.
I do believe it's more likely she might be neurodiverse but she is my first and only and she's all I know.

I guess I should probably sit and write down everything

@Boborabbiti only starting questioning if my daughter was ND when my second child came along and I realised how bloody easy it was, I then started asking friends if there child acted like x y z and realised that it wasn’t normal behaviour.

When you mention tight hugs calming her etc, is a very typical way of claiming ND children down due to the pressure it provides and helps to calm their nervous system from the sensory input.

@Boborabbitsounds like a good idea. I’m in no way suggesting that your child is ND, you know her best, I can just relate strongly to what you have mentioned above from my own personal experience.

She can't cope with being bored either
I mean can't cope with not having something to do or not having someone to do it with. The second she's not doing something with someone she finds it hard to cope. Someone said it was the stimulation.

I will try to find time to write things down

I don't think she can help it no
But it doesn't really make it much easier for me
I'm so exhausted sometimes

@Boborabbitmaybe just write everything down and have a look at the additude website. It’s much harder to diagnose in women as a lot of the hyperactivity is internalised, like a constant stream of thoughts in your head fighting to get to the front.

Thank you so much
I wish I could see inside her head

@Boborabbityou sound like a great mum who’s doing her best. I feel like they most days too. It’s extremely hard battling with someone who doesn’t know what they are angry about.

When my dd was 14 I found messages on her phone to a friend calling me a b* and her father a c**. This came as a huge shock as I had never ever heard her swear, let alone aim it at us.
I was fuming but her father was a lot more relaxed about it, he was saying all kiddos go through phases like this. We never did ask her about it as we didn’t want to validate her views by admitting we had gone through her phone.
We did shower her with love after tht, we had been so consumed by work. We made a point of being a family on weekends.
The phase passed and she is absolutely fine now, thank god.
It will pass OP. Just give her space and time to grow.

My son has ASD and he used to throw things, hitting out, smash things (TVs and iPads) and his language was awful. He saw CAMHS but they weren't much help, his last special high school (third one we tried) worked really hard on his communication skills and he really calmed down. He's 19 now and does have the odd bad mood but nothing like he used to. Last outburst was on Instagram story, tagged his college and tutors and let his feelings known!

I used to have to try and hold him as he often tried to bang his head against the wall. I used to be in tears when out and he was having a bad day, everyone staring and zero understanding.

It's really difficult and I hope you get the right support, are there any local autism charities you could ring for support?

Is it just the swearing you're talking about?
It's not just the swearing here
I think this is deeper than a phase that will pass

Thanks

Yes I AM a bit worried that she won't get the right thing from CAMHS or they won't understand.

I need someone to try and help her

I don't know if there are any charities. I feel a bit stupid because there's no diagnosis

Thanks so much

Yes she doesn't know what she angry about half the time
Sometimes I'm like you must know why you feel like this