Husband refusing to leave? Anyone experienced this?

[Firefly45]

Im looking for some advice from women who may have been in my position.

Been married 19yrs and have 1 DD (17yrs).
It's an unhappy marriage. Ive got to 50yrs old and realised I can't spend next 30 years bickering and being emotionally unsupported. There is no sex, no affection, no emotional support.
We have a nice lifestyle and holidays, paid off mortgage but that's it.

Ive told my husband that I am done and I want him to leave. I bought my house and lived in the house for 10 yrs before he moved in. My house is in my name only.
Husband has contributed to mortgage and upkeep of house for last 18yrs and mortgage is now paid off. Husband is not on the house deeds.

My husband is point blank refusing to leave the house and also saying he is not buying me out. Husband is saying why should he now be financially impacted or leave his home just because I've changed my mind and dont want to be married to him.
He said he is happy to live as friends for next 30 years. We are not friends, I am full of resentment towards him.

I do not want to leave my house. I bought it and paid for it for 10yrs. I want it to go to my DD when I die.

Even if I did decide to leave I cannot get a new place without him buying me out which he said he will not do.

I know I need legal advice but its so expensive and would really appreciate any similar experiences that anyone else has had in this situation?

I do understand that it is upsetting for him and scary and horrible but he is refusing to discuss or negotiate so I feel I am trapped.

Very common.
You need legal advice.
Divorce him

Obviously I want to divorce him but he wont discuss/engage or move?

Surely married =half the house each?
Can you for starters have you own room? Own lounge? Disengage practically.. So own cooking, laundry, trips out. Let him see you mean business..

get legal advice, it doesn't matter one dot, he is not on the deeds, the house is a marital asset. divorce get a divorce, he may not be entitled to 50/50 but he will get something you are also entitled to, his assets ie private pensions, as he yours. You need proper advice a lot of divorce solicitors do free half-hour consultations

Sorry you are in this situation - it sounds awful.

Unfortunately if he refuses to cooperate, your divorce will be very expensive as you'll both have to pay a lot of legal fees. He will be entitled to a proportion of your house as you've been living together for 18 years. It doesn't matter that he's not on the deeds. Sorry again - it sucks.

I am sorry too but the other posters are tight - he will have a claim to large proportion of the house, if not half. But you’re only 50 - can you buy him out and pay off the rest of the mortgage over the next 15 years?

Right, not tight! 🙄

You don't need to discuss it, you can start the process, however the house is a marital asset, regardless of names on deeds.

Yeah do this for now but you're going to have to get yourself a solicitor if he's just ignoring you

The house will have to be sold as part of the divorce and you will need to split all assets.

Get legal advice. It’s as simple as that.

You may have bought the house yourself but legally he’s entitled to money from it and rightly so.

That may not be the answer you want to hear but it’s the truth.

You either need to sell and buy else where with your percentage or buy him out.

Absolutely stop doing anything for him. Start divorce proceedings even if you don't tell him yet. It will be weeks before he gets word. Then The New Way of living will have begun.

Tell dd. Be honest... She's old enough..
Get a lock box for your stuff. And start getting paperwork together.. I imagine he won't be pleasant having to do his own things.

OP, many solicitors have a free half hour before you commit to them (after which they will ask for something like a £500 deposit) - you NEED legal advice. Is your husband the sort who would drag out divorce proceedings through spite? Mine did and it cost a fortune. Whatever happens, though, you do need to know the legal position and what you are entitled to - it may be that the house will have to be sold and you will both have to find somewhere else.

If the roles were reversed, would you obey his instruction to leave?

The only way to force him to move out is as part of a divorce so you need to get the ball rolling.

The fact you pre owned the house etc is irrelevant because you are married.

If you can’t afford to buy him out, you will have to sell it.

Its not your house. Its his and yours house. That's the whole point of marriage

Man buys house before marriage refuses to put wife on deeds even though she contributes to the mortgage for 2 decades. Now he wants a divorce and wife is refusing to leave 🤔

man would be burnt alive at the MN alter

Your marriage would be classed as a long one and even though he is not on the legal title for the property, the starting position for any Court will be a 50/50 settlement where either you buy him out or he buys you out.

Court will also take into account needs, retirement ages, ability to work and the needs of your daughter albeit she's on her way to being 18.

Length of marriage is critical here. You won't be able to claim the house solely for you.

Family Law here.

Get an appointment with a Solicitor.

Please stop giving such 'advice' - Solicitors won't give 'free' advice, especially around finances. What you'd have is 20 minutes with a Paralegal/SQE Apprentice giving you some information but not legal advice.

Our time is billable, not free.

Unfortunately yes I was in this situation, although mortgage was not paid off. The only way to get things moving was to file for divorce, start the process of selling the house, and generally push ahead. Not a nice experience but most lawyers will advise either party not to leave the house, so you may end up having to live together until the house is sold. As PP have said, you do need legal advice re: how assets might be split/what would be considered a marital asset etc, but you can save money by doing the actual divorce application yourself. Good luck x

Im afraid through marriage he is entitled to a proportion of the house, especially as he contributed towards the mortgage.
A financial settlement would be sorted through the divorce but as frustrating as it is for you he will be entitled to a proportion of the house as well your pension contributions (and vice versa). It’s unfair of you to think he should walk away with nothing.

@ Amuseaboosh -
I’m sorry: I am only going by what recently happened with someone I know, who said she had had half an hour’s consultation for free, and had then signed up with a deposit of £500, at which point she had been referred to someone else within the practice. I stand by my advice to the OP that she needs to consult a solicitor.