Money when you've had very little

[CanterburyRoadBlock]

Hello, would really appreciate any advice on getting into a better mindset with money please. I have always had very little money, I have been a single mother for 9 years, did an access to university course, then Honors degree, then post grad. I have two sons, and there was lots of times when I went without or had my card declined, I worried about money constantly. I bought a house after a period of homelessness, it's far from ideal and none of us are quite happy here, and this thread is spurred on by the main goal, which is to move.

Now I am earning a bit more, but I can't seem to stick to saving. Sometimes I'll get caught up and just buy things for the house, I take the boys out everyday to nice places, which is just as much for me as it is for them. But I then live month to month, and I want to do better. I don't know why, after having so little (and I mean me not eating little), I can't just save.

Pay yourself first - set a savings amount and as soon as you get paid move it out

The only way I have ever manged to save is to take the money out straight away. I put money into a bills account this is based roughy on my annual amount of bills. Money into a savings account and then there is some left for spending.

Years ago when God was just a girl, parents didn’t feel compelled, nor in my environment did they have the money to take kids to “nice places” all the time. Could you cut down on those trips?

Furthermore, as others suggest, put some £ into savings straight away after pay day. If the going gets tough u can always draw a few quid out to top you up.

Children need to learn that outings cost lots of money, so try taking them somewhere to walk/swim/ build a camp/climb and take a picnic.

Finally, only spend on the two weekends in the middle of the month. Stay home or really local for the first weekend after payday and the last weekend before payday.

Agree with the pay yourself first. This is how a friend on low salary managed to save up a deposit for a house. If you sell your house won't you be able to afford somewhere else?

Also bloody well done on what you have achieved through sheer determination and hard work. You've done a degree and a masters, and bought a house. As a fellow single mum, I salute you 👏 🙌

Agree what you have already achieved is incredible.

Budget as people say pay yourself first what you want to and can save, then what's left in the middle between bills and saving divide up for on going expenses eg days out and Christmas.
Pay a little into these each month then you will always have money at hand for treats without robbing savings

Read Dave Ramsey's Total Money Makeover.

I'm evangelical about it after the baby steps saved my financial life. Thirteen months after I discovered it and I'm out of debt and have savings and a budget for the first time in my life.

How old are the boys and where are you taking them everyday? Are these nice places better than adaquete housing? Is taking them to nice places every day allowing them enough down time? Is it giving them a realistic expectation in life?

What is in your children’s best interests?

I was the other way and couldnt all ow myself to spend really and my husband was probably abusive finally but I couldnt see it at. the tiem

Well done on your achievements so far.
This is something that has helped me when my ex decided he wasn't going to pay maintenance anymore. I came across it online.
Write down all your income for a month and all ALL your expenditure, go through your bank statements to examine them all.
Feed that information into chatgpt, explain you want a budget to help you achieve x, you are supporting y children etc. It will give you a suggested budget where you allocate your income.
Start when you get paid. I have a notebook and I write all my variable expenditure (ie not mortgage, fixed bills) into it. Food, social, clothes etc all have a budget. I stick to these as much as I can. It has stopped the mindless spending for me. Before lunches and coffees, the top/jeans in with the groceries meant I was spending more than I realised. I find writing it down and being aware what I've left in my clothes/social budget really focuses me. Sometimes I just break even because something goes wrong in the house or the car, but thats ok! Before I was often in the red.
Also go easy on yourself. It will take a while to get used to a new way of budgeting. Maybe you need to increase a budget line. You might forgot to record a spend..honestly it's the only thing that worked for me. Good luck.

I have a few different bank accounts, but you could also use 'saving pots' on one of the accounts that does that.

Label the pot / account with what it is for. SO I have a general bank account, most money goes in to that and all direct debits and standing orders go out of that account.

My other accounts are for specific things, for you it might be groceries, entertainment, house deposit.

In the 'entertainment' account you need to save into that before you take your children out for a treat.

Look at what is on offer with different banks / accounts.

My second current account is with Nationwide and because I have a savings account with them both with £100 Nationwide added £100 to my account.

I have an account I can dip in to if I need to, once it gets above a certain level I put half of it in an account that pays better interest but it is not as easy to take money out of.

I agree with others that on pay day you immediately put money into savings. The money is then spent and not available (you need to mentally have this attitude).

Look at starting small if it helps. I can put a maximum of £150 into a 5.5% savings account and I can set up round ups on my purchases to go in here as well. The account has been open less than 2 years and has 4K in now. It may not be a huge amount but I haven’t noticed the money leaving my account at all so it’s essentially 4K of savings which would have been frittered away on days out and general stuff.