Any family solicitors on here?

[Cappppuccinnoo]

I need some advice. Im married to an emotionally abusive narcissist. I've only realised now. I met him at 19 had 2 kids who are my world but enough enough. He said hes leaving as I just nag and moan

And for context he never has the kids alone. Never makes them a meal. Never changes our 1 year old nappy. Never gets up in the night. He goes out first thing alone to the gym and wants his evening alone. I am basically doing everything myself

Hes just said he will take me to court and 'obliterate' me and destroy me so he can get custody of the kids. I've had a panic attack as i cant leave them alone with him. He is a horrible man and even says horrible things like our 1yo wakes a lot and he was moaning the other night "you're too old to be doing this" calls our little boy a girl if he has a tantrum. Hes fucking horrible I cant leave my kids alone with that man

Thats why ive stayed as ice heard he can get 50 50 unless hes puting me.in danger

What are my options please? I can't have my kids have time alone with this man hes never looked after them alone and he tries to say mean things about me to them

Hes even said hed use my mental health in court (I suffer with anxiety) nd say i cant take care od the kids

Unfortunately the bar for denying men unsupervised access is extremely high. None of this will stop a judge ordering contact. Whether it's 50/50 or not is less certain - as one of the children is only a year old and you're the primary carer, it might start out less than that.

It sounds fairly likely that he won't bother with much contact though, especially if you don't show that it's hurting you. I would focus on that.

Im part time too. Work 3 days have the kids the other days. He works 8-6 full time and I do all the nursery pick up drop off etc. He barely spends any time with them even off work would a judge take this into account??

It might help sway the judge against 50/50 but it won't stop him/her awarding regular unsupervised contact.

What would convince them he cant have unsupervised contact??

I feel physically sick

Severe physical abuse against the children is the only thing, really. Even "mild" physical abuse often isn't enough. I know it's ridiculous but it's the reality.

50/50 may encourage him to step up to the plate. Hes not going to win dad of the year by the sounds of it, but he's capable and that's what the court looks at. You knowingly had children with him. Best advice is not to go to court, see what happens. Sadly most men within a year of splitting rarely see their biological dc from previous relationships. If he's as awful as you say I'd imagine he'd be one of them.

Yes I did have kids with him. I didnt realise until after our first how lazy and hands off he was. He only started showing his true colours after as he started hating me as I put the kids first

My 2nd was an accidental pregnancy. I was scared and yes I did keep her I didnt want to not keep her. But I did think I wouldn't have planned a y other kids with him

It sounds awful I keep clinging on to things acting like I want to stay in a relationship with him but its so he doesn't do the whole go to court and custody battle

I cant deal with not having my kids 100% off the time I feel like fleeing but I dont know where id go

I have a good supportive family but he knows where everyone lives

I need to get me and my kids out of this. Im just so terrified he cant be trusted alone with them

Im really scared and when I google stuff it says speak to help lines but I dont know what good itd do

I think you're catastrophising a bit and need to calm down. Nothing you've said suggests the children are in any danger from being with him.

He wont want 50/50 I guarantee that. As would mean he would have to do the nursery drop off himself . Supply all their meals , clothes. Take them to clubs as they get older on his days. He won't be able to fuck off to the gym alone or evenings alone on his time.
Just nod and agree. ' OK dh if that's what you want' we can sort a child arrangement order ine youve moved and settled. Call his bluff he's jusywanting an argument.

Hes said in tbe past hed lie to the judge about me and say anything to get the kids

I hope hed just back off like everyone's saying he'll most likely do

He is using your children as a method of controlling you. Once out of the relationship I very much doubt he would even bother to see the children. Get rid of him and live.

I've been crying for hours (my kids are at nursery and im working today ) im so scared but I need to do something I think id be a better person away from him. I just can't have him alone with the kids I am praying he doesn't bother as awful as that sounds

But he does not actually want the dc does he? He’s punishing you.

Let him go to court. They see men like this all the time. Can you leave him? There’s no assumption of 50/50 either. Many arrangements are for 4 or 5 days with dad in a 2 week period. Men work. They only want dc at weekends and even then, not every weekend! 50/50 is often not possible for men who cannot juggle working hours. I’d probably call his bluff.

I imagine many many people have tried this tactic before, so the judge would see through any bullshit.

You need to just leave, with the kids, and go stay with your family.

There are many, many men who say I'll take the kids, I want 50/50 but it's to control the mother. From what you've poster he doesn't bother with them now and finds them an annoyance. Would he really give up his precious gym and relaxation time to parent? He may drag you through court to keep the control but when push comes to shove he doesn't want to look after the kids.

He'll be one of those dads who tell everyone you're an evil bitch keeping the kids from him without ever making the slightest effort. Let him, people see through it.

The chances are, if he goes to court he will get access. He sounds awful but not violent, the kids aren't actively in danger and the likelyhood once he wins he will get bored.

Focus on getting yourself and your kids out. Do you have somewhere you can go? Is the house owned or rented? Get their passports and any financial information you can. Are you married? Do you get on with your in laws, can they mediate a little? There's lots of advice on how to move forward.

Look up grey rock technique and do get help for your anxiety, you'll need to remain calm and steady during this process but you are stronger than you think, he's just chipped away at you.

We're married. House is owned in both of our names. I don't have savings but can start

In-laws. Im amicable? His parents are split. His mum i feel would be sad to think about how he is as she adores our kids. I have my parents who are amazing and me and .y kids support system along with my brother but he lives in a different city but when hes home he is fantastic with my kids

Yes even on the weekend Saturday. He gets up (last may i add) we take ds to a class he has. He then says hes going to the gym. He goes to the gym and we then go to a splash pad with the 2 kids. Hour and a half we come home and he falls asleep on the sofa
.every weekend he naps ans falls asleep when I've begged for help our kids are 3 and 1 it can be hard alone

And every weekend he calls me a nag

Thats my other thing how can he watch them when he always needs a nap? When I get up and take them down every morning? When thetes times our 1 yo has screamed next to him in oir bed and he hasn't even heard ?

Go and stay with your mum. Tell his mum why.